Who Needs a Pick-Up Line?

Rules of Engagement:

Any pick up lines you know or come up with should go here.

Cheesy, ballsy, smooth...any.

I'll start off with the one I told my wife over a decade ago -

Is that a shovel in your pants? Cause I really dig that ass.

 

Hey I'm looking for treasure, can I look around your chest?

 

I think people often forget the charm of simple and elegant flattery. As such I go for:

Hey dollface, nice jugs.

 

How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice.

 

If I ever get a PhD, a good line would be:

Hey girly, I've got a PhD. I've also got a doctorate.

I'd follow this with a classy lick to the ear.

 

If I flip a coin, what are the chances of me getting head?

 

Did you fall from heaven?

Because have sex with me.

 

Excuse me, does this penis look big to you?

 

I bet you $20 you'll turn me down.

 

Hey lady, your hair smells nice... when you're sleeping.

 

If you were a child I would pretty quickly find myself on the sex offenders’ register. And if you were dead, well…

Do you know the exact distance from the edge of your lips to a couple of inches down your throat? I was hoping you could help me measure something later.

I’ve got an ice pick in my coat pocket. Don’t worry, I’m not a sex murderer, I just find it’s the perfect ice breaker.

 

Hey girl. How fast can you take your clothes off?

 

Hey, I'm writing a phone book, can I have your number?

 

How fast can you cum at my place?

 

Hey, why don't you come to my place and pet my ball python? Then I'll let you meet my snake.

 

Sorry, could you please undress? Clothing makes me nervous.

 

Hi. My girlfriend's dead. Yeah, she fell off a cliff and died on impact.

 

Are you a football fan? Because, you just gave me a Steeler.

 

Do you spit or swallow?

 

You're in luck, lady. If I was an improbably named Chilean, I'd be Manuel Stimulacion.