who needs a laugh

beware.

a baby harp seal walks into a club.

 

Only if you're truly desperate.

 

I saw this quote on a site, and I've been hard pressed to get it out of my head -

"My sister recently opened a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells by the sea shore."

That cracks me up.

(Stolen from http://www.whirlpool.net.au)

 

No... who would ever imagine a last name being Craftlord... Now, Crawford, on the other hand is always in your face on TV.

 

Those are old as hell... one more from the same serie... How do you fit 4 elephants in a WV Beetle???


2 in the back and 2 in the front.

 

Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree?










They hide pretty good, don't they??

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because Thursday was his day in the barrel.

 

Two nuns in the bath. One says "Where's the soap?"

The other replies, "Does, doesn't it?"

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sheriff Fatman on 2002-02-25 16:28 ]</font>

 

That joke > Milo

Explain, please. I can't figure it out. I think I broke my brain. :sad:

 

Well, for a strat there was a typo. You must have known there would be (maybe I should borrow your sig). It's two, not too.

As for the punchline. Ask yourself this - what funny things could a nun do with a bar of soap in a bath, and what effect might it have on the bar?

You have to kinda think of it phonetically, as well from the second nun's point of view.

I damn well hope this explanation is more confusing than the joke - I tried hard enough!

 

A guy buys a brand new sports car and takes it out for a spin. He decides to see just how fast it can go. As the speedometer passes 100 MPH he sees a cop pull out behind him and turn on the flashers. He figures he can outrun the cop, so he speeds up. He is going 150 now and the cop is still behind him. He realizes that he is screwed so he pulls over. The cop walks up to the car and says, "Look pal, I've had a really bad day and you are my last stop before I go home. So, tell ya what. If you can give a damn good excuse as to why you where going so fast and then trying to get away from me, I'll let you go."
The man looked at the cop and said,"Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I thought you were trying to give her back!"
"Have a nice day."

 

Here is another.

A kid is walking down the street when he bumps into a Sailor. He looks up and says "Are you a real sailor?" The sailor replies, "Sure am kid. Do you want to wear my hat?" "Cool," says the kid and goes strolling down the street. A little while later the kid bumps into a Marine. The kid looks up and says, "WOW, are you a real marine?" The marine replies, "Yeah kid, so suck my dick!" The kid looks at him and says "Oh, I'm not a real sailor, I'm just wearing his hat."

 

A couple more blonde jokes.

How are a bleach blonde and a 747 the same?

-They both have black boxes.

How are they different?

-Not everyone has ridden a 747.

How do you kill a blonde?

-Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

A blonde is sitting in a doctors office listening to a Walkman. When gets to the exam room the doctor asks her to take off the headphones so he can look in her ears. The blonde takes off the headphones and immediately stops breathing. The doctor trys mouth-to-mouth, to no avail. The blonde dies. As they are taking the body out the doctor picks up the Walkman and realizes it is still running. He puts the headphones to his ear and hears "Breath in, Breath out."

 

That's wrong. Original goes like this:

Why do the elephants have red eyes?






To hide in the tomatos.







Ever seen an elephant in the tomatos?







No. They're good.

 

Thanks for the link, DarkUnderlord, but it turns out I didn't need it. I finally got it. Let me just say this about that "joke": *GROAN*.

 

Oh, thanks for telling me, fuckwit. I'm glad to know that I was wrong. I appreciate your telling me, I never woulda known otherwise.

FUUUUUUUCK YOU, Ioo. Go tell that to my granddad, and his grandad, and his grandad before that. They are the ones that told that joke. As for that shit you wrote...never heard that.

 

2 more for the record ........ [ looong jokes ]

There were these 2 archeologists that were in search of the fabled Ng Gah Gah tribe .
One day they found a map leading there , and after crossing various mountains , oceans and deserts , finally came to the territory of the Ng Gah Gah tribe . Immediately , they were captured by the tribe's scouts and taken to see their leader . The leader says ' You have violated the sacred area of the tribe , and for punishment , you may either choose Ng Gah Gah or death ! '
The 1st archeologist is a bit of a coward and doesn't want to die , so he says ,'I choose NG Gah Gah !'
Immediately the tribal warriors start shouting and hooting wildly , and the leader goes ' Tribe , NG Gah Gah him !' and they all strip down and proceed to sodomise him one by one .*ouch*
It's the 2nd archeologist's turn and he's an honourable man , so he bravely says ,' I choose death !' Again , they start cheering and hotting madly , and the Leader shouts , ' Tribe , Ng Gah Gah him to death !'



2nd one

There was a pilot & co-pilot in a plane flying over deepest Africa , when suddenly the plane malfunctioned and they made an emergency crash landing .
Straight away , they were captured by tribal scouts and taken to see their leader .
The leader says , ' I could choose to kill you both right now , but i will give you both a chance . Go out now , and bring me 100 fruits by the evening . '

The evening comes , and the co-pilot returns first with 100 grapes . The leader then says , ' now stuff them up your ass , and if you laugh once , we'll kill you !'
So the co-pilot goes 1..2..3..4........96....97...98...99..... suddenly , he laughed , and they immediately speared him . Do you know why he laughed ??

*scroll Down*





He saw the pilot return with 100 durians !
:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Did you notice that the leaders of the US are named Bush, Dick, and Colon