who needs a laugh

An engineer, an accountant, and an economist are stranded on a deserted island with only two crates. Th engineer opens one of the crates and finds a whole supply of canned food but none of them have a can opener.

The engineer says, "Let's go find a rock, and he can jam it in there, apply some torque, and bust open the cans. Then we can eat!"

The accountant says, "That's too much work, let's search the other crate until we find a can opener."

The economist says, "Let's theorize that we have a can opener..."

 

A man's car breaks down and not having a cellphone decides to walk to a farmhouse just up the road. Upon arriving at the farmhouse he finds the farmer in the shop working on a tractor. The man asks the farmer if he could get a ride into town to get his car fixed. The farmer tells the man that he will have to wait until morning for the ride into town. After dinner the man asks for a bed for the night. The farmer tells him that there is only one and that he will have to sleep with him and his wife. Although a little strange the man figures that any bed is better than the floor. After lying in bed for and hour or so the farmer's wife rolls over and whispers to the stranger "Fuck me. Fuck me now." The man replies "Are you crazy? Your husband is right next to us. He will wake up." "No he won't," the lady says, "Pull a hair from his ass. He won't even flinch." So the man reaches over and yanks a hair from the farmer's ass and...nothing! So the man promptly rolls over and fucks the holy hell out of the farmer's wife. No less than and hour later the farme's wife turns to the man and again says "Fuck me. Fuck me now." So the man once again plucks a hair from the farmer's ass and after the farmer does not stir, again porks his wife. Yet again 30 min later the woman tells the man to fuck her once again "One last time." Just as the man is about to pluck the hair from the farmer's ass the farmer grabs the guys hand! The farmer looks at the man and say "You can fuck my wife, but quit using my ass as a scoreboard!"

 

There once was a man of high class,
Whose buttocks were made out of brass.
When he banged then together,
They caused stormy weather,
And lightning shot out of his ass.

 

A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up three cans and took them to the check out counter.
The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of older people buy cat food to eat, and the government requires proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store, and they sold her the cat food.
The next day, she tried to buy three cans of dog food. Again the cashier demanded proof that she had a dog, because older people sometimes eat dog food. She went home and brought in her dog, and they sold her dog food.
The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid, and asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole but the cashier refused. "No, you might have a snake in there."
The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and exclaimed, "That smells like crap."
The little old lady said, "It is. Now..... can I buy three rolls of toilet paper?"

 

You do realize this is a stupid thing to do.....gravedig and telll stupid stories...that goes for you tomrnobodie...

 

Time for a little lesson...
First: The no-gravedigging rule applies to any thread except Mrnobodie's joke thread, i.e. this thread. It's even in the FAQ, which you should read asap. (It is also more tolerated outside of the Great Discussion forum).
Second: That wasn't a "stupid story", it was a joke (albeit a long one); it is the very purpose of this thread to have them posted. (Additional recommendation: Please remember that people being serious here is a very rare thing, and therefore you need to have a certain sense of humour to survive here - and not take things literally. I know it wasn't the funniest joke in the world, but if you didn't recognize it as such you need to work on this and actually get a sense of humour.)
Third: Do not tell off newbies like that while being a newbie yourself; it makes you sound pretentious, particularly when making mistakes like this one - which is likely to happen if you're new and haven't yet learnt all the rules or gotten the feel of the place. And it's ten times worse when you do it to a regular, like this time.
Fourth: Don't be so rude when someone commits a mistake. Or at least not seriously.

(The others, please forgive the huge offtopic. I may edit a joke in later, though I don't have one at the moment...)

EDIT:In a local pub...
- Why Steve, you're so depressed today, what's the matter?
- Ah, well, I have had a quarrel with my mother-in-law. She swore to me
she wouldn't talk to me for a month!!
- What's then so bad about it? You should celebrate the event!!
- No, no, see... that was four weeks ago, and today is the last day...

-----------

The other day in the same pub...
- Where have you been last evening, James? We lost three games of darts
without you!!
- Don't even ask - my wife said we needed some culture, so she forced me
to a concert!
- So... how was it?
- It was awful, honestly, there was such a crowd, that the conductor
stood all through the evening!!!

 

[/quote] You do realize this is a stupid thing to do.....gravedig and telll stupid stories...that goes for you tomrnobodie...[/quote]
eace: look at that, a fellow newbie enforcen' the law

 

The most important rule of this forum is that you DO NOt POST IN THIS THREAD WITHOUT A JOKE

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

 

i wasn't talking about nobodie, i wasn't even the one "enforcing the law"
go back to gabriel's last post in this thread and get your info staight... please

 

So a priest, a pedaphile, and a rapist walks into a bar...
...and that was just the first guy!

A group of nuns was helping to renovate an old cathedral, and the Mother Superior asked Sisters Marcy and Josephine to repaint the walls in a small room. After giving them their instructions, she turns to leave, but then says "Oh, and you'd better not get so much as a drop of paint on your habits!" Once she was gone, the sisters began discussing how they were going to keep the paint off their clothes. After a few minutes, Sister Josephine suggests "Say, we could just lock the door, take off our clothes and paint in the nude." Marcy didn't much like the idea, but she eventually agreed, not wanting to face the wrath of the Mother Superior. Soon after they began painting, they heard a knock at the door. "Who is it?" Marcy asked. "It's the blind man," came the reply. "Well," said Josephine, "I suppose it couldn't hurt to let the blind man in. He'll never even know we're naked." With that she walked over and opened the door. The blind man looked up and said "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want the blinds?"

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

And now, for the worst religion joke I've ever heard...

Jesus walks into a Holliday Inn. The receptionist say's "Can I help you sir?" Jesus places three big iron nails on the desk and says "Could you put me up for the night?"

 

HE, HE, HEE… yousa besa foamy.

 

Baal, Gabriel, Simple rule... no joke, no post... FOLLOW IT!.


A rather scruffy-looking man came into a bank. Reaching the head of the line, he said to the teller, "I wanna open a fucking checking account."
"Certainly, sir," answered the teller, "but there's no need to use that kind of language."
"Couldja move it along lady? I just wanna open a fucking checking account," growled the would-be customer.
"I'll be glad to be of service, sir," said the teller, flushing slightly, "but I would appreciate not being spoken to in that way."
"Just lemme open a fucking checking account, okay?"
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to speak to the branch manager," said the
pissed-off teller, slipping off her stool and returning shortly with a
dapper middle-aged man who asked how he could be of service.
"I just won the ten-million dollar lottery, buddy," snarled the man, "and all I wanna do is open a fucking checking account."
"I see," said the manager sympathetically."And this BITCH is giving you trouble?"