Come on, people POST! It's after New Year's for crying out loud!! Is everyone going into a late winter slumber? (With the exception of the Aussies, that is. Who knows where they're at.) Anyway, a few jokes. A man was seated at a bar, guzzling hard liquor for all he was worth. He was still there at closing time. "Sir you'll have to leave. We're closing," said the bartender. The man slid off his barstool and immediately fell down. He stood up, walked three steps and fell again. He fell 4 more times before he made it to the door. Once he fell out the door, he decided the hell with walking, I'll just crawl, as his house was only 4 blocks away. Upon reaching his front door, he stood, opened the door, and fell flat on his face inside. He got up, and began making his way to the bedroom. He would walk a step or two, and then fall. Finally, he stood up beside his bed, and fell one last time, directly on the bed, and immediately fell asleep. The next morning, his wife woke him. "Have you been drinking at that bar all night again?" "No, why do you ask?" the man replied. "Because the bar just called, you lying bastard. You left your wheelchair." A man awoke in a strange bed, in a strange house. He couldn't remember a thing, except that he had gotten horrendously drunk several hours ago. He immediately noticed that, on his right side, lay a huge fat woman, ugly as sin. On his left side lay a thin woman, this one too as ugly as they come. The man had no idea what was going on, his only thought was getting the hell outta there. The woman on the right was so fat, he couldn't go that way, so he decided to try to climb over the skinny woman on the left. Just as he got right over her, trying not to touch her, she opened her eyes, looked him dead in the face, wide-eyed, and said, "Naw sir, Naw sir!!! I's just the bridesmaid!" Three men were standing in front of the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said they were all allowed to enter, but according to how good they had been to their wives, would stipulate what kinda vehicle they would be given to cruise around in. The first man replied that he had loved and cherished his wife, had always been faithful, and had always provided for her. "Very well," said St. Peter. "You get a Ferrari." The second man told the Saint that he had loved his wife, but had cheated on her a time or two, but did try to provide for her. "Well, that you loved her is what really counts. I'll give you a Honda Accord," replied the Saint. The third man then told St. Peter that he had slept around on his wife their entire marriage, that he was never home, always stayed out late, getting drunk, but that he did love her, just never showed it. "Well, for all that, all I'm going to give you is a bicycle." Well, after some period of time, the man riding the bicycle happened to come up on the first man, sitting on the rear bumper of his nice Ferrari, crying and boo-hooing, and just in obvious torment. "What's the matter with you man? You got a Ferrari, and I'm stuck riding this stupid bike, and you are upset? What on earth could possibly be wrong?" The first man sobbed, "I just saw my wife go by on a pair of roller-skates!"