who needs a laugh

Ok I can take a hint no one liked my story. Well to bad cause i was going to share another true story about placing an order from a man whose last name was God 0 (no lie, his first name is Fred...)

 

Ok Ok so the phone call wasn't all that funny but the revelations that came from it were deep. Like I said his name was Fred God and I think he was from Buffalo NY. Now one could make some very profund information from just these few facts.

1) No wonder we never knew God's real first name; I mean if you did who would you want to confess to some guy named Jesus or and every day guy named Fred? God would put his own son out of business in no time!

2) Who would have guessed that Buffalo NY is "God's country"???

3) Ever wonder why when the Pope visits America that he never goes near Buffalo? Now we know why he don't need to God's got it covered!

4) Now you know why you'll never meet a vampire named Fred, If they can't stand the cross think what having the name would do to them!

5) Ever wonder why the song "I'm too sexy" became so popular over night? Right said FRED, made it!!!

6) Another reason why we never knew God's first name, If you did who would you rather go have a beer with much less have a "last supper" with?

and finally,

7) I have a sneaky feeling that the jews knew His name all the time, those guys never share ANYTHING. Ever notice that YHVH and Fred have the same number of letters!

OK that's it except that if I am wrong about this I feel really sorry for Mr. God, can you imagen the Hell he would have gone through as a child going to school with that name? It couldn't have been fun

 

I am amazed that Hel Khat answered his own post not once, but twice.

And here I was ....

 

... wondering how he did to achieve such a high _ ...

 

... number of posts in so few days!

He's in Hel and he's no 0 , I can see ...

Personally, I think answering to your own posts is like laughing at your own jokes ....
ha! ha! ha!

 

BUT it WAS FUNNY!!! Laugh Damn you! LAUGH!!!! :rifle:

It was so funny.... :cry:

 

No, it wasn't funny at all. I didn't even crack a smile. Congratulations, you've ruined a perfectly good thread.

And what I said about the spam is true.

 

I agree. That was just stupid.

 

OMG well I guess you had to be there, we were all cracking up at the time. Ok well what about the tranvestite story wasn't that one funny? If you don't think so then I am gonna give up trying to type funny stories. I type to slow to have funny typing funny stories that no one laughes at uke:

 

Nope, that one sucked too.

 

mrnobodie would roll over in his grave if he saw his good thread come to this.......

 

*rolls over.....

 

in what seems to be a failing attempt, our hero, retard, tries to get mrnobodies once noble thread off of the tainted path it's heading down, and back on topic

A man, out jogging one morning, happened by the local nursing home. As he peered over the fence, he noticed 6 old ladies, layed back in lounge chairs. As he took a closer look, he noticed that every one of them were buck-ass naked. Disgusted, he went into the main office of the nursing home to complain.

"Do you know that there are 6 old ladies out there without a stitch of clothing on?" the jogger asked the head doctor.

"Yes," replied the doctor.

"Well, aren't you going to do something about it?"

The doctor explained, "Well, they are all retired hookers. All they're doing is having a yard sale."

 

yuck

Things are so slowww in this thread. Where are all the jokes? I'm so desperate I went to a site and hit their 'random joke' button. Here's what i got:

---
Redneck Bubba died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer,were sent for.

Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba.

The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer into identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."

"What? He had two assholes?", said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone in town knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say.., Here comes Bubba with them two assholes..."
---

 

I am unsure if this has been said, but here goes:

Why are there so many 1/2 Chinese/ 1/2 Mexican people in jail?
.
.
.
.
.
.
It's generally a good idea to drive away quickly after stealing a car.

 

Call me stupid, but I don't get it.

 

Stupid! I don't get it either

 

Fighting the battle against the oftopic-people.

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

A gorilla is walking through the jungle. He parts the bushes by the watering
hole and sees a lion taking a drink of water with his butt sticking up in
the air. So the gorilla thinks to himself, "Wouldn't it be funny if I snuck
up behind the "King of the jungle" and slipped him the old sausage?"
So the gorilla sneaks up behind the lion, grabs him by the hips, and starts
pumping him in the butt as hard as he can. Then he pulls out and runs away,
laughing his ass off.
The lion, however, doesn't think it's so funny. He lets out a mighty roar
and takes off after the gorilla. Now, the gorilla can't run very fast and
the lion is catching up with him, so he ducks into a campsite, pulls some
safari duds off the clothesline, puts them on, picks up a newspaper and sits
down by the fire, holding the paper up to hide his face.
Just then, the lion comes busting through the jungle. "HEY, YOU!" he says,
"DID YOU JUST SEE A BIG GORILLA COME RUNNING THROUGH HERE?"
The gorilla starts shaking behing the paper. "Um - do you m-mean the one
that j-just s-s-screwed you in the a-a-aass?"
The lion sits up with a start and says: "Jeez! You mean it's in the fucking
newspapers already?"

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room
and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you!
I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town.
She lives only a street away and her name is Susan Hoffman."
After dinner, George's dad took him aside and said,
"Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother,
George. She and I have been married 30 years, and she's
a wonderful wife and mother, but she has never offered
much excitement in the bedroom, so I fooled around with
other women a lot. Susan Hoffman is actually your half
sister, so I'm afraid you can't marry her." George was
brokenhearted. After eight months, he started dating
girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly
announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in
June." Again his father insisted on another private
conversation and broke the sad news: "Diane is your
half sister too, George. I'm awfully sorry about this."
George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother
with the news his father had shared. "Dad has done so
much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married,"
he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells
me the girl is my half sister." "Hah," his mother chuckled,
shaking her head, "Don't pay any attention to what he
says. He's not really your father!"


An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce
children beyond comparison.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect
woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the
east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a
farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively
took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer,
asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're all lookin' to get married,
so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one
you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked
for the man's opinion.

"Well" said the man, " She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can
hardly notice, but pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other
girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

"Well," the man replied, "She's just a weeeee bit, not that you
can hardly tell, cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if
things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect,
just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!" So they were wed
right away.

Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery
he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human
you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a
thing could happen considering the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not
that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her."

 

Two Polish guys returned from US and talk with their friend.
- Man you wouldn’t believe it what a wonderful country it is! You should go there yourself.
- I don’t know it’s expensive and all.
- Oh come on, you literally have money lying on the streets there. Just pick it up.

Convinced the man flew over to US. When he got off the plane he noticed a 100$ bill lying on a pavement. He bent to pick it up but then suddenly straightened himself

- Oh screw it, I won’t work on my very first day here.


And another one. (You might find some vocabulary misused - I don't really know a lot of garment names)

A guy was walking down the street when he noticed a new shop. He decided to walk inside as he wanted to buy a pair of gloves. Inside a smiling shopkeeper greeted him.

- Hello sir, how can I help you?
- I’d like a pair of gloves.
- Then please go that department over there.

The man went where he was directed and says:
- I’d like a pair of gloves.
- For winter or spring?
- Winter.
- Then please go that department over there.

The man went.
- I’d like a pair of gloves.
- Leather or not?
- Leather.
- Then please go that department over there.

A bit upset already the man went to another dep.
- I’d like pair of winter leather gloves.
- With or without snap fastener?
- With.
- Then please go that department over there.

The man is pissed off now but he proceeds to another departament nevertheless.
- I need leather winter gloves with snap-fastener
- Snap fastener made of bur or press-stud?
- Bur.
Then please go that department over there.

That was just too much, man lost his temper and shouts:
- Stop tormenting me, give me gloves and I’ll go.
- Sir, some patience please, we’re trying to sell you exactly what you need.

Customer steadied himself and went on to another department.
- I want leather winter gloves, with bur snap-fastener
- What color?

Suddenly door swings open and some guy enters with a toilet, freshly reaped from the floor with some glaze still hanging from it. He puts it on a table and shouts:

- This is my toilet, this is my glaze, I showed you my ass yesterday now give me some toalet paper!!!

 

I have changed my opinion; Saddam should be included in the war on terror. Check out his pop videos. If they don't terrify you, nothing will.