who needs a laugh

you know what's really funny is that this thing is now 10 pages long, i'm just so proud of my little baby. (no not jinxed)

why is golf called golf?.

because all the other four letter words were taken.

 

reaaaly deep question:
How long is a rope?

 

It's twice as long as half it's length!


Really tough one:

What is the difference between my humor and a bucket o' shit?

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<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Kozmo_Naut on 2002-03-20 15:14 ]</font>

 

Yeah, yeah, if you read back, I bet we can find a few semi-transparent attempts by you to keep the damn thing afloat! It's good thread, though. It has ... longevity.

The one that amazes me right now is that one I posted to aske where Jar was. Jar came back then left again and the damn thing is over 100 posts. I just wondered where he was, is all.

 

I never left again. Just so happens that on Wednesday and Thursday mornings, I can't post (and the morning is when I do most of my posting). So I do it when I get home from uni.

I was absent for four days or so when this computer had a brain fart. The thread I'm pretty proud of is my RPG thread - 218 replies and still going strong.

 

A duke was hunting in his forests one day, when he came across a tree. The tree was covered with targets, and in the middle of each target was an arrow.

"What a magnificent archer!" thought the duke. "I must have him in my service immediately!"

The duke continued hunting, when he came across a small boy with a bow and quiver of arrows.

"Boy, are you the one that did all the shooting at the tree?"

"Yes, my Lord."

"I want you to enter my service. Also, I must know the secret of your archer - how do you shoot so accurately? Do you do it from up close, or from far away?"

"I shoot from 100 yards," said the boy.

"Wonderful!" said the duke. "Tell me, how do you do it?"

"First, I shoot the arrow at the tree. Then I paint the target around it."

 

Ah, but he still hit the tree!

 

An old man was placed in a nursing home. After about a month he noticed that a nice little old lady was always staring at him. One day he went over and asked her why she kept staring. She admitted that she thought he was quite striking and they started talking. After a while she invited him to her room. He had not gotten laid in quite a while so he accepted. They got to her room and started fooling around. He took off her shirt and started to remove her skirt when she stopped him.
"Before we go any further," she said, "I have to warn you. I have acute angina."

"Good," replied the old man, "because those are the ugliest tits I have ever seen!"

 

a small boy came home from school and walked up to his mother.
"mom, i had sex for the first time today."
she sighs and says "i don't want to hear it, go tell your father."
so the boy goes up to his father and says "dad, i had sex for the first time today."
his father is very excited and tells his son "congratulations! why don't we go get you that new bike you've been wanting."
the boy replies "maybe later, dad. my butt's still sore."

 

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large landmass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. >There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them superhuman, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed; "What about balance, God? You said there would be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loudmouth bastards I'm putting next to them...."

 

:lol: good work sherrif, good work

 

Hmmm ... I'm not so sure. Lately, we've been walking the knife edge of trans-Atlantic warfare on this board. I have, at any rate :wink:

USA have a distinct number advantage at the moment, and all I have going for me is my superior intellect, eloquence, sense of humour and moral correctness.

When it all kicks off, can I count on my Australian friends for a bit of muscle?

 

an englishmen with australian friends?, oohhh you must be irish, that'd be the only way :razz:

 

And your very large ass. :razz:

As for asking for help from the Aussies, that's almost as good as asking the French for help. :nod:

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<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Vlad the Imposter on 2002-03-22 11:47 ]</font>

 

You should get your hands on some surstrømning. The one reason that hitler did not invade sweden. Hmm if osama got his hands on some surstrømning.

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You can't say that civilization is not advancing, in every war they kill you in a new way. (shudders)

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Qilikatal on 2002-03-22 11:51 ]</font>

 

just what do you mean by that?........ yank :deadly:

 

He thinks that you would be just as much help as the french was for the allies during WW2, or atleast that is what i think.

 

My ASS, of course! How did I forget my Battle Donkey? Those buggers in the US have no chance in the face of my all-knowing ass.

Mrnobodie, I believe Vlad just made a definite bid for you to side with me. That's diplomacy for ya :smile:

 

well in that case you can safely assume that nobodie is with you. :grin: