What has happened to the English Languge?

Foreigners are fully excused, as long as they are at least trying to write properly, but anyone who is too stupid and/or lazy to write properly in his mother tongue should be stabbed to death with a needle because of being a waste of organic matter. I'd say my solution is quite a noble one, seeing how it would solve the problem of overpopulation and all.

 

It would appear that hyperbole is the favored figure of speech on the Internet given the heavy sentences that communicating lazily and faking cancer carry.

 

All we ask for here is intelligibiltiy and an effort at spell-checking. It doesn't matter in the end though - all the statements you make on the internet put together, no matter how eloquent you may be, are less convincing than saying the word "is" out loud.

Also - emoticonning indicates a lack of vocabulary and should be avoided.

 

Quoted for funny.

 

Emoticons and text speech

I read a study recently indicating that the same areas in the brain activated when smiling or seeing another person smile are also activated when seeing an emoticon. When we communicate in text, there are missing contextual clues that would normally be filled in with facial expression, tone of voice, body language, and so forth. Therefore, I would argue that use of an emoticon does not necessarily indicate a lack of vocabulary. Rather, not using an emoticon, in a space with no face, deprives the reader background information derived from the vocabulary of emotions.

Also, there is no one right way to speak--there are many. Each environment provides a unique set of appropriate behaviors, including systems of language. The ability to switch between these different codes is a sign of intelligence. That said, if you're only using text speech because you are unable or unwilling to spell things correctly according to the language being used, I recommend reading more books. Otherwise, when you attempt to switch into the "correctly spelled" code, you may be unable to do so and bring humiliation upon yourself.

 

I was looking at some job applications yesterday and more than a few of them had (and I'm not joking here) texting abbreviations in the goddamn body of the application. The "word" srsly was the only one I recall now.

Shit went straight into the reject bin, didn't even look at the rest of it. If you're either too lazy to write out full words or are too stupid to understand a job application is not the place for them, you'd be lazy and stupid for the job too.

 

Exactly my point. Back when I was teaching, I used to see that kind of shit in my students' papers all the time . On top of that, many of them could not spell words properly without the help of a word processing program because they had become so used to relying on spell checkers that they'd never bothered to learn how to fix spelling on their own. Not that it would do them much good, since most would just click through the spell check as fast as they could, never paying attention to the words the program was substituting for their messy agglomerations of letters.

Even so, that problem wasn't an uncorrectable one, provided the student cared enough to bother to learn how to write correctly. Many didn't, unfortunately.

 

Re: Emoticons and text speech

Emoticons were first proposed by Ambrose Bierce in his essay "For Brevity and Clarity." Of course, since this is Bierce we're talking about, he was mainly proposing their usage by writers whose ability was too limited for them to get their meaning across otherwise.

 

Re-quoted for entertaining hypocrisy. I do not consider myself a grammar fiend, just a grammar-appreciant. Perhaps when the revolution comes, I will change my vocation...

THIS POST HAS BEEN EDITED

 

I would change your profession, too. The revolution is coming, brother, and soon all will fall to the might of the anti-grammar.

VIVALZ LAWL REVOLVOLUSHUN

 

I finally enrolled in college this year, and I intend to have perfect grammar and spelling in my english course. Since I'm 24, I also expect to be surrounded by kids fresh out of highschool who can't spell, thanks to modern conveniences like the cell phone and spell check. I will use the opportunity to outshine my classmates and make them hate me.

 

I salute you in your endeavor. Drop in there and shine like freshly polished Marine boots after being threatened with 12 hours of PT.


Careful, although grammar and adherence to the rules are of paramount importance in English 101, so is the thoughts in which you enter into your paper. Although, sadly, I suspect more emphasis is placed on the grammar than the argument.

 

Why would you want them to hate you?

 

Hey, congratulations on enrolling! If you do it right, college is both a great challenge and a hell of a lot of fun.

Older students in university classes tend to come in two varieties. The first group is composed of people who have worked hard to get the opportunity to go to college in the first place and understand what a privilege it is to be there. They are attentive, studious, positive influences in the classroom. The second group contains people with inferiority complexes who are self-conscious about being older than everyone around them, so they compensate by bloviating at length on every subject like they were teaching the class instead of the professor. As long as you're more the former sort of student than the latter, you'll do fine. What are you thinking about studying, if I may ask?

Also, ENG 101 courses exist to help get people up to speed on their writing skills. Grammar is only half of that, though (and people who need serious help with their grammar belong in remedial classes, not 101) -- the rest of it is learning how to write in an academic tone and learning how to quickly grasp and utilize the multiple formatting styles required by various disciplines.

 

Because then, it'll be just like high school!

I'm the former, by the way. I spent the years in between my graduation from primary education working and gaining the confidence to go to school. I plan on studying physics when I get my courses all squared away, and I'm sure I'll be a great student. The hardest part about going to school has always been the other students for me, as I have great anxiety around people. All I want is to fulfill my dreams of becoming a theoretical physicist, and I've got my foot in the door.
I'm not afraid of being older than my classmates, because if anything I've got six years of life experience on them. Plus, I can buy alcohol for parties.

 

Why do you get feelings of anxiety?

 

Because there is a possibility, slim as it may be, that he may one day run into you in real life.

 

As the show begins, we see two easy chairs sitting close to one another. In one sits TELEVISION HOST, who wears a cheap suit and a hairstyle composed chiefly of styling gel. To his left sits the ghost of famed philosopher and asylum patient FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE. The set behind them is composed mainly of dark wood bookcases filled with antique encyclopedia sets -- in short, a television producer's idea of an academic backdrop.

Host: In tonight's episode of "How to Be a Prick," we ask the ghost of Friedrich Nietzsche to explain his concept of the overman. Friedrich?

Nietzsche: Fuck you, you weak-willed shit. We aren't on a first name basis.

Host: Uh, right, Mr. Nietzsche it is. Would you care to-

Nietzsche: Man is something that ought to be overcome.

Host: Yes, that's nice, but if you'd-

FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE reaches out with one hand, grasps the host's throat, and crushes it with a firm squeeze. He waits dispassionately until the man's death spasms subside, then returns his gaze to the cameras.

Nietzsche: Don't interrupt. As I was saying, Man is something to be overcome. He nods to the lifeless body on the ground in front of him. All beings so far have created something beyond themselves; and do you want to be the ebb of this great flood and even go back to the beasts rather than overcome man? What is the ape to man? A laughingstock or a painful embarrassment. And man shall be just that for the overman: a laughingstock or a painful embarrassment.

He pauses for a time, staring unblinking into the camera.

Nietzsche: Now if you'll excuse me, there are some hot bitches in my dressing room whom I will use to satisfy the needs of the overdick. While I attend to that, you will sit in your chairs for the remainder of the program and think on what I've said. Don't even think of cheating me by leaving the room, because I will know.

He leans closer to the camera.

Nietzsche: I. Will. Know.

FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE exits the stage, trampling the corpse of TELEVISION HOST underfoot. For the remainder of the hour, the cameras remain on the scene, not even daring to go to a commercial break. The only sound comes from the buzzing of flies attracted to the cooling body of TELEVISION HOST, which is alleviated periodically by the muffled cries of HOT BITCHES and what sounds faintly like the impact of a riding crop. They work hard, tirelessly even, but the OVERDICK will outlast them all. The OVERDICK is never satiated, nor will it ever be.

At home, TELEVISION AUDIENCE does not leave its seat, not even to pee.