The State of the World

A strange light lit up the air over Budapest.
Another bomb? No...SHIT!
Maximus was the only Lord with such a powerful teleporter. It would seem he was helping Frigo, for now.
If he's helping Frigo, someone must have thrown something at Mars...damnit. Well, if he's not here to stop me, I guess noone will mind if the server building is trashed...
There's no telling what could happen if they were working together...After I finish here, I'll need to contact the remaining lords.
Making quick work of Frigo's Internet Provider, Grossenschwaum leapt to the nearest large body of water, in order to quickly return to The Kratsbalger.
Zwolf! Open a secure direct line to Wolfsbane, Xiao, Blinky, and Vorak!
Yes sir! The channels are open!
Good. Now, all Dog-Men! Get into your sound proof kennels! I'll press The Button when I want you to come out.
Attention, all Lords! I have some dire news. It would seem that, due to certain circumstances, Frigo and Maximus have become allies, at least for now. I propose an alliance of our own. Grossenschwaum, out!
With that done, Grossenschwaum pressed The Button.
Back to your posts! By the way, I have found a new Vier! You may remember her from Friends...

 

(Sorry guys, storm khan ook longernocked out my internet)

The call took longer than normal, but out of its torpid slumber, the frosty power of Cold Godzilla rose from the depths. A beam of frigidly cold energies shot out straight up out of Tokyo Bay for a mile until Blinky's own shot of ice cold energy intercepted it. The explosion of frost detonated like
a cold sun, blasting icy shards across the sky and detonating the missles overhead. The heat of the neutron detonations met the frigid cold of both Cold Godzilla and Blinky, resulting in a rapidly melting ice storm that prodced the lightest, warm spring rain over the entirety of Japan, China, and Korea.

Blinky paused for a second, now able to formulate how to best neutralize Frigo. As he was thinking, the incoming message icon popped up on his console display. Tapping the touch-screen, he saw Grossenschwaum, live out of Kratsbalger, speaking of Maximus' betrayal and an alliance against these two obiously deranged forces.

Blinky smiled. It was getting so hard to get his Lords to cooperate nowadays. This might be a good bonding experience for them. He tapped the response button.

Sounds like a plan, I'm going to continue my investigation of Tokyo Bay. Get all the info you can about those two, and for God's sake try to stop them from blowing up any countries. Blinky out.

 

Lord Maximus, I have urgent news regarding the Bear, reported Agent Gabrielle into her wrist communicator.

Report your findings, intoned Maximus.

He seems to be forming an alliance with some of the other Lords, at the request of the Lizard. They know about the alliance with Frigo. *concern in her voice*

Hmm... they seem more resourceful than I thought. No matter, all is going according to plan. Maintain your observation of the Bear, and report back any significant movements. He closed the connection, and began typing at the computer again. An image of the Earth, relayed back by a powerful spy satellite appeared on the monitor. The image began zooming down the surface, with Tokyo coming into focus.

 

Amidala reported in, Sir, the Armada is assembled and awaiting your orders.

Very good, I have just disposed of the last errant missile. Prepare my personal transport for liftoff, I will be there shortly.

Maximus changed the comms channel to the Asteroid Belt Commando Squadron's frequency, Wonder Woman, prepare to announce our intentions, deploy three C-class asteroids toward Earth. One towards Mt. Fuji, another at Kratsbalger, and one to the North Pole.

Yes sir. Preliminary estimates predict that the projectiles will impact in 2 days, provided the wormhole remains stable. Launch will commence in 15 minutes. Wonder woman signed off, and began issuing orders to her subordinates to load the deadly rocks into the Krakon Accelerator, which would spin the rocks at great speeds and then hurtle them into the Wormhole Generator at terrifying speeds. Wonder Woman input the coordinates and dimensions of the missiles into her computer and calculated the damage they would cause. Each rock was roughly 30 miles in Diameter, and its Energy before atmospheric entry: 5.52 x 1025 Joules = 1.32 x 1010 MegaTons TNT, with a calculated final crater size of over 300 miles in diameter. Lord Maximus would be very pleased at the devastation caused by this, she thought.

The final stone was loaded into the Accelerator, and she pushed the red button to fire! The wormhole gateway opened up a circle of energy with bolts of blue lightening arcing across, and then one by one the asteroids rocketed into the wormhole. It is done. * A slight pang of regret in her voice *

Maximus, dressed in black adamantine power-armor with dark green trim entered into his personal assault craft, a sleek and deadly looking craft named the Valkyrie. The door slide shut, and the ship rose into the air to join the amassed armada. Assuming command of the craft, he sat down and opened a comms channel to his safehouse in Cyprus, Greetings Frigeous Frigidaire, my apologies for teleporting you from your last location, but it seemed eminent that you were about to get thrashed by that oversized Lizard and that shady blackmarket peddler, Xiao. I would like to offer an alliance between our two factions. In exchange for your assistance, I will leave the European Empire mostly unscathed and also offer you all of Africa, Russia, and Antactica as a prize. I will take the America's and the North Pole, as well as the Orient, if it survives the devastation of our two glorious empires.

You will find at the safehouse a small fully functional base as well as one of my personal jets. Use them as you see fit.

Maximus closed the comms channel, and opened up the intercom channel to his fleet. Begin the Invasion!
The Armada of a 1000 ships began moving forward, and one by one they entered into hyperspace.

 

Suddenly, the warning lights on Longinus-3 turned on. There was something happening on the red planet...
Sir! There seems to be quite a bit of activity originating from around Mars! And, it seems...Oh no!
Let me guess, Dreizehn. There's a huge armada around Mars, and Maximus has sent yet another asteroid towards Earth.
Sir, it isn't just one asteroid! There are three of them! Each one at least 30 miles wide, with its own destination! And, if they're not stopped, one of them will definitely hit The Kratzbalger!
That's just great, Vierzehn! How long until impact?
Approximately...47 hours, sir! What should we do?
Arm Longinus-0. Allow for minimum interception distance; I want to be sure we need it.
Sir, at that distance, there's a 64% chance that Longinus will miss! What will you do if that happens?
This wasn't going to be easy. He wracked his brain for a possible solution.
Perhaps if it was made of some sort of stone, maybe a conglomerate of ice and rocks, it could be stopped, or slowed until its impact was negligible
Well...I'll have all of you evacuate into the mobile base, and I'll try to catch it. Of what is it made?
Uh...iron, sir.
Nope. There was one way Grossenschwaum had to stop such a menace...but first, he would need to charge up by his fusion reactor.
How he came to possess the fusion reactor is actually pretty interesting; In search of a more powerful hydrogen bomb, Grossenschwaum wanted to see which atoms would impart a greater amount of energy needed to accelerate the nuclear fusion. When he attempted to split fermium, the extra mass in the testing chamber (i.e. the substance comprising the test chamber, which was metallic hydrogen) suddenly collapsed into itself, forming a small star. And that, my friends, is how Grossenschwaum came to possess a fusion reactor!
Hold my calls. I need some..."alone time". Also, tell the other lords about the asteroids, but make sure you say I can take care of one of them myself.

 

Mummy! Grossenschwaum sent a message! There are three asteroids heading towards Earth!

Holy shit! Baby, send the evacuation signal to all the Earth-bound supply bases and then contact the nearest Takisian ship! We're going to try and slow one down.

Is something wrong? Perriman asks, an understandable reaction to the curses Xiao let loose.

You could say that... she manages, her face very pale indeed. Get ready. Baby and I might need you soon...

What are we going to do, Mummy?

The same thing we always do. We're going to save Earth from the psychopaths. Baby, continue charging your ghost lance and move to intercept the nearest asteroid.

 

The cloud of dust and sand settled, and in the middle of absolutely nowhere, Wolfsbane arose from his devastated tree. Luckily, he'd been trained in the arts of cat-jutsu since the day he was born, and therefore knew quite exactly how to manage any height or speed when it came to crashes.
It was quite a bomus that his teacher'd been a cat. They're good with heights.
Through the air, he picked up some unusual radiowaves. He focused his chacra energy and listened carefully.

There was something bad going on in space. Maximus had prepared a vast invasion fleet, and had also sent three major astroids towards earth. One of them was bound to hit Germany. A as bad astroid as that wouldn't just hit Germany, it'd hit Sweden as well.

So, Maximus thinks he can hurt the earthbound Lords, does he?, he mumbled to himself and started to look for a new tree.

He was, quite obviously, not a normal bovine. He'd been trained to walk upright since the day he'd been born, and had also been instructed in every kind of martial art there was, including the cat-jutsu, which only cats, and now Wolfsbane, knew about. Trying to outstare Wolfsbane was like trying to outstare the sun; your eyes'd start watering before too long.

Also, he wore clothes; a leather jacket, to be precise. And everywhere he went, he carried a suitcase of spam with him.

Wolfsbane found himself a palm-tree and turned back towards the west. He'd have to go back to Germany again to stop that asteroid, seeing that the other Lords would have some major problems doing so. He wouldn't:

Nothing could outstare Wolfsbane. Nothing.

He threw the palm-tree and quickly jumped onto it, now surfing towards Germany. Towards the Kratzbalger.

 

Arleen chimed in over Blinky's earpiece with a message from the Lizard. Today was going to be a rough day. Blinky rolled off the girl he'd been asking directions from. His GPS had been acting funny. Given the message, he should have picked up the plan before, but what could he say, his mind was elsewhere.

That said, you can't fool a bear for too long. He was actually impressed with Maximus, rampant destruction was always an interesting route. Of course, he assumed Maximus had some type of military force to back up this assault. His spy network hadn't reported anything on Earth yet, so perhaps asteroids weren't Max's only deep space investment.

He hadn't realized before how much the little dwarf had invested out there. This might end up big. Blinky mentally organized his list of stops to pull out. He still wasn't so much 'concerned' about Maximus. If he was aiming at the North Pole he was obviously uninformed enough. Also uninformed about the countermeasures he'd had ever since Space Hitler threatened to invade again. Blinky smiled... solar radiation is a useful cure for militant racial oppression.

Now the detective work came into play. This is where Blinky earned his stripes when he was a cub, this is where he retained his stripes now. A half a thousand agents world-wide, all personally trained and so good they make James Bond look like Inspector Gadget. And for some reason, the real results always came when he did his own legwork. Who would have thunk it?

 

Wolfsbane soared through the air once again, now munching some of his preacious spam, and passed above the Ural mountains for the second time of the day. He was getting weary of flying, but since his way of doing it was quite faster than any 'normal' plane on earth could do it, he reckoned that it was the best and fastest way of travelling without drawing too much attention to himself.
Peoples minds tended to tell them their eyes were wrong when the eyes reported a cow, surfing a palm-tree, was flying above them. Basicly, he was ignored by the common folks and could move quite easily everywhere he went.
Except for in the Lords's areas, of course. They were used to Wolfsbanes wierdness, and had accepted the sight of flying cows quite some time ago.

He was half-way through Russia when he caught a glimpse of a missile only a few metres away from him, moving increadiously fast in his direction.

Crap, he thought, Damn them Russian MIG 29's and their radars.

There was a sudden explosion in the air. Splinters of burnt palm-tree rained over Russia, much to the peoples' confusement.

 

The asteroids, halfway to their destination, raced silently through the wormhole in space. The wormhole was an artificial tube of energy which allowed objects to travel within it without disrupting the physical space it was traveling through. Only the best detection equipment would even have the slightest chance of seeing them, and that would only happen if they were monitoring space itself.

Maximus wasn't sure how the device worked, but was thankful to the civilization that had created it so many millions of years ago. When he arrived on the red planet fifteen years ago, he thought that he would only be prospecting for precious minerals and rare elements, perhaps get lucky and discover a diamond or uranium mine. Much to his surprise, he found something else while spelunking the uncharted caverns of Mars, the ruins of a previous civilization, abandoned for many centuries. Certainly, from the intricate metal-work and finely carved stone walls, they too must have been Dwarves.

While the asteroids were enveloped within the wormhole, visual detection was almost impossible, and standard devices like radar would not detect them until it was to late. They would come out of the wormhole only 700 thousand kilometers from Earth, roughly twice the distance as the Moon from the Earth.

Once they left the wormhole and entered real-time speeds again, they would be fully visable, and would only take four hours until they impacted their targets. Obviously, not enough time for any of the unsuspecting people on Earth to do anything about it.

All was going according to plan....

 

Dogmen...don your lead jumpsuits...
It had been a day since Grossenschwaum entered the Fusion Reactor.
He was emitting such high levels of radiation that parts of The Kratzbalger were melting around him, particularly around his footsteps.
Several dogmen died from the severe heat being released from his body.
Give me an audible signal when the asteroid comes within 100,000 kilometers of earth. I don't intend to miss.
Sir! At that range, Longinus-0 will be in your direct line of fire!
Do you think I give a damn? The railgun is replaceable! This base is one of a kind!
Grossenschwaum was able to consciously monitor the radiation escaping his body, to a point. For the rest, he would use his silver-chromium cocoon (with a treated lead backing) to reflect everything back, along with his personal stash of Radium vapor.
Maybe I should mount a second fusion reactor out here, to spare The Kratzbalger...

 

Blinky picked the dockmaster up by the throatand flung him full force (well, honestly maybe 1/500 of full force) into the side of a Japanese naval liner that was docked nearby. The boat rocked tbo the side as the man's crumpled body dented the side of the ship's hull.

Turning back towards the remaining men, who cowered in a makeshift pen Blinky had made out of cratesWhere is Dock 11, what ships are docked there, and who owns them. Very reasonable questions, which I suggest some of you start answering.

One of the men cracked first, releasing the whole cacophany of information about some ship no one was supposed to know about, it was a shipment of 'stationary'. A 200 metric ton shipment of stationary. What's more normal than that for a cargo ship with guns retrofitted onto the side?

Arleen rolled through the information about the asteroids collected over the last day. The detections of them were hard to mark, they must have been traveling cloaked in some manner. The only thing he could do is start the hamsters and gerbils running.

It's a relatively unknown fact that if you place a two massive metal deposits, particularly if they are at, or almost at, the magnetic poles of a large spherical object, you can createa reatively large change in magnetic field by simply running two identical strength electric charges to each leed. One top secret facility near Hudson Bay, with more hamsters than Petco, mirrored against the south Indian Ocean secret gerbil base. Gerbils normally ran opposite of hamsters, so when you take a gerbil into the southern hemisphere it runs the right way.

It sucks, this was going to be a nice summer
It is unfortunate sir.
But apparently unavoidable. Standby to release the mag pulses. Let's see how well these rocks home.

 

A lone scientist, working at an observatory in California's Mohave desert was lazily watching the night sky through a massive telescope when he started to notice something strange.
What looked like an electronic storm or a concentrated static discharge was erupting just past the moon. He rubbed his eyes and looked back into the eye piece. It was still there, and then a huge bright white flash exploded! When he was able to look back into the telescope, he could now see three C-Class asteroids heading straight towards Earth!
This cant be!?
He raced over to his computer and had it calculate the projected paths while he phoned another site in Washington state to verify the sighting. They reported back the same thing.
Checking the printout of the projected paths, he rang up NORAD.
Major Dunlop, I've got three asteroids on a collision course with Earth to report!
What! He dropped his coffee cup. Whats their projected path?
One his heading toward Germany, another into central Japan, and the third one toward the polar Ice Caps!, he explained, almost out of breath.
Thank you Mr. James, we're well aware of this incident and everything is under control. Again the US Air Force thanks you for your diligent efforts in Astronomy, he lied, sweat now visible upon his brow. He ran off to the space tracking center to report these findings and to begin tracking the trajectories of the incoming rocks.
Mr James sat looking at the printout, the phone still up to his ear making a disconnected sound. His eyes fixed on the unbelievable news. Only four hours from impact. Thinking he had to do more, he dialed another number.

Breaking News!, intoned a news reporter in a calm and cheery voice, We've just received exclusive reports that three asteroids are currently set to impact Earth in the next four hours. The blast zones are predicted to hit the nations of Japan, Germany, and the North Pole with devastating destruction and countless casualties expected. Local authorities urge calm and request that everyone remains indoors until this incident is over with. Now, onto the weather! She sat smiling pleasantly at the camera until it faded to the shot of the weatherman.

Rioting and looting began to break out across Western Europe, the people there burning cars and fighting amongst each other until the riot squads showed up, at which time they started fighting the police.
The Japanese began rallying in color-coated pastel uniforms to prepare for clean-up and recovery operations, all the while marching to the tunes of cutsie pokeman songs. They had practiced this a thousand times in school, and everything would work out just fine.

Three massive asteroids, about 30 miles in diameter lumbered towards Earth, unaware of their own pending demise.

 

There was something strange happening in the sky over Germany.
Grossenschwaum had been standing, waiting for the signal from his dogmen.
The asteroids should have come past the moon by now...
Suddenly, a flash of light...!
That must've been Longinus-0...they're moving faster than I thought!
Sir! Longinus-0 has been destroyed! We suggest you use "IT'!
Alright. All dogmen evacuate to Das Sturmgeist! Raise full-spectrum shielding!
Grossenschwaum began to glow a fierce blue, and his eyes lit up.
I see it...A little closer! Just a bit more!
He opened his mouth, and let out a roar that could split the earth in two (but it didn't). Suddenly, The asteroid came hurtling through the atmosphere, dead set for The Kratzbalger.
Atomknall-Kanone!
A powerful blue light shot from Grossenschwaum's mouth (remember Godzilla?), and struck the asteroid, pushing it back and ultimately evaporating it.
Unfortunately, the extra iron-oxides in the atmosphere turned the sky blood red over Germany, and many took that as a sign of the apocalypse (or, at least, a sign that God didn't really like Germany).
Those other two asteroids...Can they be stopped?
Grossenschwaum collapsed to the ground, exhausted.
The force from the Atomknall-Kanone completely destroyed The Kratzbalger, so it seemed Grossenschwaums precautions were for naught.
The dogmen quietly went out to Grossenschwuam and brought him aboard the mobile base...

 

Wolfsbane opened his eyes, slowly. The earth was still underneath him, strangely enough. He ought to be dead, he knew that. One does not survive a missile on such a short range without some kind of help.
Then he heard it. The sound of thousands of small legs moving very fast. He looked up, and saw that a spiderweb-parachute was attached to his back.
He looked at his suitcase, and found his saviour. Or his saviours, actually.

Ok guys, I'm not going to shout at you for disobeying me this time, he said to his ninja-spiders, Bloody well done, I must say. Thanks a million.

He looked around him, and noticed the Kratzbalger, only a mile away, to his left. There was sounds of terror and rampage below him. The astroids had probably been discovered. So much for a smooth solution.

Ok guys, I'm going to need some ground under my feet for what I'm about to do now, so could you perhaps put me down now? I haven't got much time...

The spiders silently obeyed and dispersed the parachute on Wolfsbanes back. He landed on the ground a minute later, safe only because of his knowledge in the art of cat-jutsu, and stared upwards. He could clearly see the asteroids now, and positioned himself for "The Glare".

As some people might know, cats are specialists at falling from hights, landing perfectly, and specialists at staring. Nothing alive can outstare a cat, not even things considered not being alive, such as stone and iron. The truth is that everything's got a mind of it's own; even stone's got it: it's just too slow for todays technologists to detect.
The Glare effetcs every mind just the same, though: with immense fear of whoever is using it.
And Wolfsbane was an expert at The Glare.

His eyes turned silver, and The Glare was unleashed at the asteroid in the sky...

 

Blinky bided his time until he was sure that everyone else that mattered was also trying to avert the crisis. The President was on the line, almost begging him to do something, right alongside most of the other powerless members of global political organizations.

Calmly, he told them all to be quiet.

Gentlemen, feel free, of course, to take as much credit for this as you desire. Arleen, what's our estimated time of destruction?
Two hours, twenty four minutes, sir.
And all systems are operating as specified?
To the letter. Are you sure this will work, sir?
Yes. Activate the final step, and you'll see for yourself. Mr. President, Mr. Prime Minister, whoever else is listening, this is now a private conversation. Don't say I never got you anything, and happy Columbus Day, I think that's about where we're headed.

Even Blinky's com was starting to flicker due to the massive electromagnetic radiation. He would miss his only months of sunshine up north. Oh well, he'ld fly somewhere if he needed a tan that badly.

The pull was noticeable. Charges in deep space fired from Venus IIV detonated their own magnetic impulses, more massive even the induced current of the moon for a split second. The whole thing looked like some type of simplified magnetic experiment in a basic physics class. Positive 1 pulls closer to negative, which is being hauled around in it's orbit by positive 2.

Blinky almost lost his footing, and he was sure at least half the population of the world did as well. But that wasn't important, and only marginally more important was the fact that the Earth started spinning at about few dozen times it's normal rate. The meterological dampeners strained to keep the atmosphere together as the Earth was dragged a full quarter revolution forward in a matter of five minutes before settling back to its normal pace.

Arleen's voice squeaked over the airwaves.

Damage to electrical systems is at 57%, and the entire satellite network over the Americas and Africa is down. System failures reported in...
Trivial. What's the status of the asteroids.
Poised to make a direct impace with nothing but empty space.
Good. Delegate the repair work, priority given to all defense and intelligence networks. Then go take a break, you deserve it.
Th...thank you sir!
I'm going to emp myself to ensure I'm not being traced. I'll be off com. Do not re-establish com-link unless it is absolutely imperative. Blinky out.

Blinky triggered the pulse after closing the com. Now, hopefully, he was by himself to deal with what needed to be dealt with. And that was pouring over the cargo log of this questionable ship. The only thing unaccounted for was a small crate of 'staplers.' This was going to get him no where.

Thankfully, this near disaster with asteroids and Maximus' callous handling of public television would serve useful. Now Blinky was heading somewhere he hadn't ventured in many a year. He was going to church.