The quest for the Scroll of Forum Resurrection

Glancing again at his pistols, I noticed that there was something unusual about them. I looked closer at the nearest ... shotgun barrel ... funnel in top ... reeks of fuel - nope, still couldn't put my finger on what was strange about it.

Of more interest was the device on his back. It looked like it might be a whizzo incontinence helper, or possibly a change-making machine. I decided not to get too close to the fellow in case it was the former.

He rattled off a few questions, and I did my best to field them as they were uttered.

"Perhaps, but bi-wheelar and powered by charges. A Stunaliser MkIII. He's from Tulla. He's wearing a funny medaliion. Er ... no." I finished weakly, trying not to look down my nose at him. It was difficult, since he was standing under my nose.

"I'm Sheriff Fatman, pleased to meet a fellow PRAT. I'm sure my companions mean you no harm. Shall we see what they're up to? Once your friends have quietened down, perhaps we'd best nip outside and makesure Andrew didn't land on his wand."

 

"Certainly, yes, I think I would most like to get out of here as well. Perhaps we could-" He pauses a moment, reaches into his bag, and pulls out a small grenade with a screw top. He continues to talk as he fills it with venom.

"Work together, at least as far as out of town, since we both seem to be in quite a rush." With this, he cracked the window with his shotgun and tossed the concotion out the window. A large pop is heard and then a variety of screams as the sidewalk fills with green smoke.

"Yargh!"
"Mine eyes! It dost burn!"
"Please kill me, God!"

"Whaddya say?" Asks the gnome, a glint which is either mischievious or criminal shining in his little eyes.

 

That gnome seemed my kind of fellow - devious, sarcastic and daring.

"Come, good fellows, out the window! We must escape from here before we are overrrun. The guards will be here shortly. I don't like talking to them, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to either gnome! Out, after Andrew."

So saying, I ran and nimbly leapt out of the window after Andrew. I hoped he hadn't falled down the open sewer drain I knew was outside...

 

Flee!

This halfing had a good head on him, and Pentalope didn't have much doubt as to his proffession. His hairy-footed brethern were either good cooks or good thieves, the latter, he guessed, being more predisposed to exiting through windows.

Taking one last aimed shot with his long-range pistol out the front window, he followed Jarinor out a side one.

 

My Rage was shattered by the sound of a window...well, shattering. I released my grip on the Dwarf and turned to see Andrew jumping out a window, followed closely by Luden and some Gnome I'd never seen before. The Gnome was kind enough to shoot out the front window of the bar first, though, and the Dwarf and I were showered with glass.
"This is your lucky day, Dwarf. I'm going to put the welfare of my friends above vengeance. Also, I don't like to bully Dwarfs single-handedly."
So saying, I jumped out the window, tripping over the sill on my way out, and began to make my way around the building.

 

That's a gnome, not a sheep!

Pentalope made a less then graceful landing onto the pavement, the window being quite high for him. To make matters worse, the dwarf-beater landed on him quite squarely. Thinking he was being smothered by some unknown enemy and unable to unholster his pistols he bit at whatever it was that was stopping him from getting up. He realized a moment too late, it was indeed the dwarf-beater. Squirming away, he dusted himself off.

"Oh, er, sorry about that, good sir."

As he finished his sentence, an angry mob big enough to make any mad scientist jealous rounded the corner.

Smash the gnome!
Spill his blood!
Crush his bones!

 

"Ow! By all the Ubiquitous Ewes of Uvula! What are you doing, Gnome? Why, I..."
I heard the angry shouts and leapt to my feet as a maddened crowd rounded the corner.
These people really didn't like Gnomes!
Thinking they might mistake me for a very tall and attractive Gnome, I turned smartly upon my heel and bravely fled around the other corner of the building.

 

A hail of granite.

The brave man was smart to turn around the corner after his associates. Just as he did, a flurry of rocks assailed the gnome, knocking his tophat into a puddle.

Now, he was angry.

"No one muddies my tophat and lives!"
He screamed and pulled out the long metal tube out of it's wrapping. Dropping something into it and pulling it back, itlet out a massive boom as the thing went straight up and arched then exploded into a hundred sharp pieces just above the crowd.

Screams ensued and a few feet hobbled past the gnome, looking for their owners like lost dogs. Hoping the mob had got the message, he packed away his... thing and redrew his pistols, firing into the crowd for good measure. Three farming implements clattered downwards.

Pentalope then turned the corner running after Feldon, figuring he was if anything, good cover from rocks.

 

There was more than one entrance to the sewers. I sprinted after the gnome and Feldon.

I had no idea where Feldon was going, but dammit, he was coming with me. I saw him in the distance, running for an area that I knew all to well - I opened up the sewer grate at my feet and took a short cut. I hoped that the zombie population hadn't increased recently...

 

gohabs

Pentalope looked behind him. Then back in front. The hat-soiling mob would be smart enough to try and trap him in by entering both entrances to the street, he figured, which would mean bad things for he and his hat. Then, he caught the halfling out of the corner of his eye entering the sewers. Deciding rather then to put his trust in the dwarf-torturer, he chose a fellow height-inclined individual and turned on one heel and jumped into the manhole after him calling to Feldon.

"I think this way is probably safer, old bean. Your halfling friend seems to have a sense for this." He silently hoped there was something more to shoot down there in the dark, in all the rush he hadn't the time to admire his work yet.

 

"I do not know why you guys are jumping out of windows when there is a door" I laughed at what I said. I then walked out the door to the side of the building where everyone went.
"Well since I have no where else to go mabey I will go with you guys and hope to find that herb,but please do not slam me against another wall.And if we can find a horse we will travel a lot faster. I say we go to that one town that I got this medalion of the.....what ever you call them."

 

After Courteously waiting for my companions to exit, I checked my pockets and straightened my coat, ready to leave. As I stepped towards the door, I heard a screech that could only be someone pulling the tail off a moggy behind me. Being a friend to animals everywhere, although perhaps not quite such a friend as Feldon, I turned to defend the poor thing.

"WHAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" The noise sounded again, only it seemed to be coming from Madam Lil, who ws standing, purple-faced in the doorway leading to the cribs.

"YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" She screamed incoherently, pointing at me with a finger giving the uncanny impression of being loaded.

"Er ... mmm-m-m-me?" I answered suavely.

"WHAT in the name of the BOLLOCK RING OF BOLO have you DONE? Just LOOK AT THIS PLACE!" She screamed as she stalked towards me like the cat I'd thought to save.

"But ... y'see ... um ... it wasn't me. I mean ... well it was me, but it-" I tried backing away strategically, but quickly found the wall at my back. Some of Lil's girls started drifting in sleepily behind the irate madam. They congregated in the doorway watching the display. I even thought I saw Belle peering out through the stand of semi-clad legs.

"You'll pay for this, crackpot!" She hissed, presumably mistaking me for the Gnome who had just left, "I want to see some gold, and I want to see it now! Noone comes in here and smashes up my place. You're not even a regular."

By now, Lil and I were nose-to-nose. I noted with interested that she used some kind of paste to cover the cracks in her complexion. I'd never considered the cosmetic applications of herbology. Perhaps a tincture of arnica and a- "Oooof" I exclaimed expressively, as Lil punched me in the stomach.

"Well, where's my money?"

I didn't seem to have any choice. Slowly I reached into my inner pocket and fumbled for the coin-shapes I new were there. It was lucky I kept these against just such emergencies. I pulled a few out and pressed them very firmly into Lil's palm, then side-stepped quickly to the door and took my leave.

Outside the air was cool. I took just a moment to appreciate it before the loud popping from the building behind me was followed by an angry screech, which shifted quickl into a titter, soon joined by much high-pitched giggling and a bleat of pleasure. I sighed with relief - the eroticoins worked. I'd not had a chance to field test them, and had been a little concerned.

My satisfaction was rudely cut short by a rock taking chips out of the door-frame next to my head.

"There's one of 'em!" came a cry.

"'E's wiv that Gnome!" came another.

"Yeah, they're boaf PRAT's an' that's fer sure!" was the accurate, if poorly enunciated comment of one accute observer.

The shouts were coming from a mob across the street. Some of them were hefting rocks and others the usual assortment of unwieldy farm implementation. They didn't look very well prepared. If even one of them had a mechanical dagger I'd have been a lot more worried. Still, there were quite a number of them.

Calmly, while they tried to egg each other into action, I jiggled a few percussive caps and eroticoins until I could get some of the the payload from the coins into a few caps. It wasn't very elegant, but it should suffice. I grinned to myself as I noticed the smiling, winking face printed on the coins. Whatever had possessed me to put that there? Maybe I'd had one too many sherries that nihgt in my lonely workshop ...

Snapping the rigged shells into the Stunaliser's breech, I carefully fired them into the crowd, aiming for the ground at their feet. As the clouds of pink gas started to fill the air. I pocketed my weapon and briskly walked off in search of my comrades.

From behind me, I heard the first few sounds of the street-party that was about to ensue.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sheriff Fatman on 2001-12-14 04:09 ]</font>

 

Well, our party had been scattered nicely to the winds. Some fellow (I hoped it was the gnome) was following me - I didn't have the time to check. I had to catch up to Feldon. Who knows where the Sheriff, Andrew and the dwarf had gone.

I turned right at the next cistern, and found a nest of sewer rats. I didn't have the time to beat them down, so I simply kept on running. Luckily, none of them followed. I came to the ladder I wanted, climbed and pushed the manhole aside. I climbed out, but couldn't see Feldon anywhere. Either I'd just missed him, or I was ahead of him. Or he'd gone a different way...

 

"Hey you damn farmers!"they didn't seem to react."You got me angry morons!"I spoken the incarnation and one of the crowd just exploded to pieces.Ah th lovely disintegrate.
Damn it seems most of my companions are tech-inclined.O WTF I'm going to Ashbury alone.They are intrested in some brigand hunt and I am not.

 

Rats go boom.

Pentalope landed with a thud into the murky sewers. He didn't like heights, though being underground was somewhat comforting. He saw the halfling bend a corner and followed, finding a nest of disease-infested rats. He frowned and fired a round of buckshot into the nest for good measure, watching several of them pop like fleshy balloons. With that, he quickened his pace and caught up with the halfling, who was now exiting the sewer, it seemed.

"Oi, any sign of 'em?"

 

I seemed as if I talked to myself cause no one was there.As I went back to lil's I saw Sherif and so I decided to follow him
"Mind if I tag along?"

 

As I rounded the corner, a faint scent tickled the vibrissae about my nostrils. It reminded me of my youth, and my first girlfriend, Drewella. It seemed there was a heady pink vapor filling the air, setting my heart to thumping.
I must return to Lil's. The raging crowd meant nothing to me now. Only one thing could ease my longing.
The sight I saw was incredible. It was the Sheriff running at me full-tilt. He was followed by a battered Dwarf. And behind them was the crowd of townfolk, doing interesting things with farm implements. They were heedless of splinters.
As a farmboy, I knew that hoes should never be treated that way.
And then the Sherrif barreled into me, knocking me to the cobblestones. The Dwarf ran right over me as well, and I think he made a point of stepping on my nose.
The spell was broken.
I turned away from the debauchery and ran after the Sheriff.

 

Pentalope tried to get a look at what the halfling was studying. He couldn't be sure, but that sounded an awful lot like people rushing right over the manhole.

No expert in seage systems, the gnome paced, waiting for the sage advice of his large-footed guide.

 

I had no clue where we were going.
"Uhhh might I ask where we are going?"

 

Feldon came rushing up, followed by the Sheriff and the dwarf. Andrew was nowhere to be seen. That gnome, or whoever was following me, was still down in the sewers.

I climbed out of the manhole and approached the group.

"What the hell is happening?" I asked. "There's people trying to kill us all over the place!"