Diary of a Pervert in Arcanum *spoilers*adult* - UPDATED

Gonna post this in parts if that's okay..so as not to bust the thread capacity for a single post.

Tales of an Arcanum Pervert.

So like my dream is kicking ass. 100 naked women at my disposal, and I'm still thinking I wanna bang the stewardess on the blimp. Some chick name Wilemena traded for my window seat earlier on, it cost her membership to the "mile-high club" hehehe....I wonder if her husband will ever find out.

All of a sudden..all hell broke loose and the world started spinning and I passed out.

I wake (major hard-on of course) and some little guy gives me a ring. Then to my surprise I find some idiot babbling about some living one. Virgil is his name and he just won't shut the fuck up and wants me to go to some town with him.

I look around and see that all the chicks are dead and I'm not quite at the point of necrophilia...yet. Yeah Virgil...you go ahead and take care of those wolves..

We get th Shrouded Hills and I'm dying to get some at this stage. Virgil takes us to the Inn to look for some Edler guy, and find two dead bodies....gay-necro...riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...........NOT!

I have look around the town to see wher the action is. The cute bank teller won't come out from behind the booth on account of recent robberies. The chicks walking around won't give me the time of day. There was a chick ghost in the mine but I doub't that would be any fun as I'd go right through her (would that be necrophilia too?). Some healer chick at a shop seems nice...says she'd like some magic amulet back...I offer to do it for a blowjob, but she seems hesitant and doesn't know what I'm talking about. Innocent. I'll have to look for that amulet at some point.

I'm starting to get pissed off at Virgil at this point cos he's not helping matters. We hook up with a guy named Sogg (big fucker mind you) and we decided to get the fuck outta town. We pick a fight with a guy and two ogres near the bridge. I just threw in a few grenades and let the other two do the fighting. Sogg died (like I care) and Virgil got his ass beat (ha-ha).

We decide to to take a job picking up some package for Jongle Dunne and it takes us toa place called Dernholm. (Yay).

Oh for fuck sake this town is a dive! The whole place is falling apart!. Anyway, package delivered, time to go poontang hunting. I talk to a chick named Jayna Stiles, kinda nerdy but cute. She babbles on about healing and medicine, so I feed her my line about “playing doctorâ€￾ (she doesn’t get it) and she joins me.

Some old bag named Gladys wants help getting her ring back from some old fart. I make Virgil and Jayna wait outside while I try to ‘negotiate’ with Gladys. She says 25 gold, I say gimme a fuck. She says 35, I say ‘blowjob’. We settle on 45 pieces of gold and a handjob.

Sarah Toone is pissing and moaning about her mine, her brother and her mother’s ghost (oh shit…). She wants to offer me 100 gold to get the deed of her mine back. I ‘d rather be “doing the deedâ€￾ and checking her “mine shaftâ€￾ instead. She doesn’t seem willing but I feed her a line about her mother wanting her to be happy and she buys it. Quick shag!
Met a great looking babe named Liana del Par. A fine piece of ass but looking at the size of her sword I figure she’d take offense to me getting cute with her. She goes on about some long lost relative but I’m really not interested.

Virgil lands us a job collecting taxes from some place called Black Root. Dernholm is pretty scored out so I gather the troops and head off.

Okay so like what the fuck is up with these Molochean hand guys anyway? Talk about being a pain in the ass.

Okay now Black Root aint nothing special. Some idiot named Dante was drunk at the bar and talking crap. Met Clarissa Shalmo (not bad looking) who’s looking for Azram’s star in exchange for training in throwing Mastery. I convince her to come to the back of the inn with me and show me how well she “tossesâ€￾…man she’s got a strong arm…left me acheing.

Mrs. Cameron is worried about her son being missing. Not bad looking for a 40-sumtin. I figure I could use a little more help on this one and convince Dante the Drunk to join me. I go to Cameron’s workshop and find the place in shambles. A little more searching and I find some fucked up creatures popping outta some portal. The fuckers damm near kill me but between the crews healing skills and spells I manage to make it and spring the trap on the portal closing it. Back to Black Root I give poor Mrs. Cameron the news about her kid and she thanks me by giving me a Funky looking pimp hat. I console by telling her about her son’s bravery and how he’d like her to be happy and all that….it iearns me one more sympathy fuck…hurray!

Black Root has paid out what I could and I go back to Shrouded Hills when Virgil realizes I should get the ring I found checked out. It leads us to the rather large city of Tarant!

Now Tarant is my kind of place! Some chick wanted help finding her painting…done…for a blowjob. Some other chick wanted an elven funeral stone…done, for two shags and quickie on delivery. Dante died getting that stone, but here’s me crying a river.

Got me a new companion…a cool looking green dude with a british accent named Gar. Nice guy but the prick could take a bath from time to time. Took a tour of the town and bought a few goodies. Met a guard at the station named Jared who was married to the chick from the blimp. I feel kinda bad for him, given that his wife was a slut and all. He wanted me to order her a tombstone I told him to do it himself (lazy prick).

At the company that made the ring I found, I meet a grumpy old dwarf named Magnus. I ask him what dwraven pussy is like and he gets all upset at me….fuck…I figure he’s down on his luck and offer to help him get answers from the guys below. Two fights later and we get a name for the ring: Gilbert Bates.

I do few odd jobs in Tarant and then go talk to Bates (too bad his name aint Master hehe). Wants me to go see about some Dwarf clan. Crap! Some fortune teller wants a crystal ball…I promise to get her one if she’ll “rub my ballâ€￾ and see my future. We settle on a handjob upfront and a blowjob on delivery. I go see Madame Toussade and she makes me a counter offer to simply take the ball back to the other chick. I feel like asking for sex, but something about this woman just seems wrong. Anyway, I give your woman the ball and she fucking explodes right in front of me! Fuck…there goes my blowjob! I head back to Toussade for my payment and she was more than willing to make it up to me. Sitxy-Nine! Now I’m turning a real profit!


I take the job from Bates, but stop by a few places in the industrial sector for a look around.

And right nest to Toussade’s I find the place of my dreams: Madam’ Lils!

I spend all my cash with the girls! What a day! Gotta earn more money now!

Okay now the Black Mountain Mines was a nasty affair. Damm near got killed twice and Magnus’ head is now decorating a barrel! Thank goodness I had gar with me…the green sunbitch can fight!. We meet a dwarf who’s completely lost his mind and he talks talks talks for ages! I get my ass out of dodge, stopping by Dernholm on the way for supplies. I hook with a suave dude named Vollinger who’d like to help me out. Virgil gets all prissy about not having a good feeling about this….yeah fuck you Virgil Skywalker! Come along Vollinger!

 

Wow....You know what, I think that should be a background optionwhen you start out. Call it, "Hey, I was horny," and go through a little backstory about how all you want is a little somethin somethin on the side. Wow. That was ten flavors of awesome. :lol:

 

Keep us updated. Continue the story ^^

 

Just an opinion...

You know you've played a game too many times when.....


BTW: Just so I'm clear on all this; exactly what did you say you were doing with those mushrooms? :lol:

 

Okay here is the second and last part!

I stop off Black Root again to check out the news….I end up helping the Inn owner get his beloved lockbox back and now I get a free (fuck) room whenever I want. I check out the train station and see that there’s a train to Ashbury, I figure what the hell, lets check it out.

Ok Ashbury is like big fucking cemetery with a few houses around. Found a few bits and pieces but nothing special. Stopped some asshole from kicking a dog to death and now the poor pooch decides to follow me around.

Took the train back to Tarant and talked to Bates. He hooks me on the idea of some boat trip to an island, but not before he pays up some! Fucking prick! I take my cash and head down to Madam Lil’s again. I do a few jobs for her and spend my earnings on the girls again..this time it was fucking awesome cos I did two girls at a time. Wore me out big time. Even Madam Lil joined in at one point. Talk about money well spent.

Okay now the island wasn’t what I was expecting.. Talked to some dwarf from the Wheel Clan into giving me some cool looking green shades and the map to his clan. Some Chick named Cynthia wanted help getting off the island….and I wanted be getting off myself, so for three screws, anal sex and her locket, I arranged for her to meet the amazon women (who wouldn’t fuck me on account of principle, but who let me watch a lil gropu lesbian action for free! Kick ass). Found some dude named Del Par hiding out in some shack….wait a minute….maybe this guy’s related to the fine piece of ass in Dernholm! Gotta check that out!

Back to Tarant, dropped Cynthia off, suggesting she go work for Madam Lil (hehe). Saw bates, got more money! Said I should go see the Wheel Clan. Talked to the big fucking Orge bodyguard of his and he comes along with me. Good to have extra muscle.

The trip to the Wheel Clan was uneventful, pretty boring actually seeing as it’s a town with only fucking men in it! Dwarven pussy has to be the most elusive one around!

Did a few jobs for some stuff…talked to the king who exiled his naked ass in the dungeons below. Gave me some info about an elven city.

Went back to Tarant, tried to get some info but got zilch. Paperboy said I should ask around a place called Stillwater. Stopped off at Madam Lil’s for a fuck and went crazy….I even managed to screw the poor Halfling cleaning lady in the back….that was great. I keep hearing sounds from a small room in the back…must be a real monaer in there. Gotta check it out sometime.

Anyways….went to Stillwater....Found a temple to some goddess without a statue..the priestess was a BABE so I knew helping her would pan out. Found the thief in a shack jerking off to the statue and put him out of his misery. Brought the heavy fucking statue back to the priestess and then she invited me to the MOTHER OF ALL ORGIES! Friggin AWESOME MAN! Everyone was spent at the end…I haven’t seen that much wool since I broke into the sweater factory. 1000 points to me!

Asked around about Quintarra, they said I should go see an elf guy. He started acting all wiseass trying to take mickey so I had Gar tear him a new asshole (literally). On his destroyed corpse I found a strange amulet callent Natala or something like that…wait a minute…the herbal chick from Shrouded Hills….

….she was so happy to get the amulet that not only did she fuck me twice (and swallowed), but she showed me where Quintarra was (HURRAY).

Off to Quintarra then….had to go through Hardins Gap….frigid fucking beasts there….lost Chukka to polar bear cub (of all things); Went into the glimmering forrest and got attacked by a bunch of floating lights….finallly Quintarra.

The elves at the door gave me a bit of a hard time but fuck them. Got all the way to the trees and I felt like I was in Hugh Heffners mansion! Scantly clad elves all over the place!

One chick wanted some Wisp Essence…I gave her that and a bit of ‘me own essence’ if ya get my meaning (hehe). Talked to Raven (who is so fucking hot with a husky voice). Had me take care of some business before taking me seriously. She said I should go see her mother and I did. Freaky old lady who talks in prophecy. I convinced her that she had been alone too long and that her husband would have wanted her to be happy! Handjob deluxe!

Talked to Raven again, she said I should find out about some author. I think she’s starting to like me at this stage! Before leaving for Tarant, I pick up this young thing named Swyft who wants to see Tarant. I told her I’d show her a lot more than that and we monkey-fucked in the trees (SCORE!). Found the healing Master named Fawn who’s like 300 years old but looks like a chick in her 20s. She said I didn’t quite have the knowledge to become a healing master but she said she could show me a few “feelgoodâ€￾ techniques (1 hour cock rub…yay!).





Got to Tarant, dropped Swyft off at Madam Lil’s for some new education. Got a few shags in and asked about the strange room in the back. Lil told me it was Belle’s room and I started thinking Beauty and Beast and such and paid for a fuck without thinking twice. I paid my cash, went in without looking and went “bangbus crazyâ€￾.

At this point I’d prefer not to go into details but lets just say that it wasn’t what I was expecting (annoyed).

Now I’m going after some prick named Terwilleger and some book of his. It leads me to the house of a (dead) Victor Misk. I sweet-talk his old lady into giving me the book and I even got a sympathy fuck outta her for solving a minor problem she had.

Now that I know where TSen Ang is I haul ass over there to find a town full of scantly clad Dark Elves (YAY). One them was real nice, Zan Alurin or something, real sexy voice on her. After a bit of light flirting she joins my group. I go see the town leader a Min Gorad and she’s another fine piece of eleven ass. I get some info outta her about Nasrudin and what not. I try to convince her into showing me some of the “darker partsâ€￾ of Dark Elf women, but she gets pissed….I coax her a little and get her to flash her tits me (hey…it’s a start).

As I’m leaving, Virgil starts pussying out, saying he has to leave. Good fucking riddance to him, as I was gonna kick his ass out anyway. On the way back to Quintarra I get attacked by the Molochean hadn again and poor Zan gets killed in the process, but I did managed to sneak in a shag before she went (hey…she was still alive when I came so it wasn’t necrophilia!).

At Quintarra I talk to Raven and her mum again (who showed me how elves do it doggie style) and I end up with a mission to go to Caladon. Raven offers to come along an gets all hot and mushy with me….I manage to sneak a french kiss and almost copped a feel before she smiled and said we shouldn’t delay.

In Caladon I hit the pub for a few drinks, and see that there’s a cellar or something. Figuring it would be a good place for an orgy I go down (not literally…yet…hehe) and find 4 guys kicking Virgil’s ass till he days.

Revenge right….no fuck Virgil….I give the lads 300 gold for a job well done and tell them to feed his remains to the zoo!

We hit the Temple of the Panarii and talk to three absolute geeks about Nasrudin. A few grave robberies later, I get more infor as well as a glass key, a round stone and a bony finger (give ya three guesses where I’m sticking that?).

To Thanatos then! But guess what…no boat! I ask around what my choices are and they are: Build One…Gamble one off the prick who took it from Teach….Take Stringy Pete’s boat (some stupid pirate skeleton). Well fuck that and some..I make a fourth choice….Pimp out Jayna Stiles to the sailors to earn the money. It worked like a charm…of course..I took the liberty of “cheking out her gear firstâ€￾, to make sure my customers were getting a working product.

Before leaving I take the suggestion of stopping by Black Root and talking to a guy who’d been to Thanatos before. An annoying git who I let come along anyway.

Okay so we travel through the jungles of Thanaots, I use whats his face as bait for the apes who rear-end him enough to make a distraction. I find old man Nasrudin who tells me about his fucked up son and all the shit he did.

He tells me about some place called Vendigroth and about some device which can stop his son.

I go to Tulla (magic town) and get a few lessons from the Magic Mistresses (magical shagging yaya!). I find the location of the Vendigroth Wastes.

I go back to Caladon for supplies and fine some guy whining about his rabbits beging killed. I talk to his daughter but get little info (fine ass though). I hang around till night and find out the daughter is a werewolf and she’s the one killing the rabbits. I wait till daylight again and sneak into her room to give it to her Doggie Style!. Her father thinks the cure is magical….I think maybe there’s some in Tulla….then I say fuck that I’m not going back there.

Back to Tarant for more shagging. Swyft wasn’t there at the brothel (dumb bitch). I walk around a bit. Some guy is crying about his ring falling into the sewers….fuck him anyway.

With everything in place I figure the next step is to go get the device, head into the void and finish off Arronax. I Make sure to get Raven and Jayna drunk and into a three-way before leaving for Roseborough.

IN Rosebrough, some lady gives a sob story about her master lockpicker son being in jail…I convince her how her son would have wanted her to be happy and bang her pudgy ass for an hour (and her son can rot in jail for all I care).

I rind the Ring of something and Pops is there waiting for me. Raven says she can’t go with me but gives a full-blown fuck before leaving (SCORE!).

The Void was like soooooooooooo coooooooooooool…not!....Dangerous monsters….tough enemies……nasty smell..and NO PUSSY! I pick three other guys for the team (although two of them could hardly be considered guys). We hack our way into the compound….The Kree Guy dies in the process. I get into the cells to find Arronax waiting there and he tells me the truth about some other fuck named Kergan.

So we haul ass outta there and find another complex, the Demon and the Dragon thing get killed (boo-hoo). Before heading in, quick shag with Jayna (Arronax says he wants in but he can wait his turn).

I find The Black Mountain Clan, or whats left of them, either they were attacked or the gay dwarven orgy proved lethal. Some Bludgeoners and Dark Paladins later (at the cost of my dog friend  )and I find Kerghan.

Another sob story about life, death and existence and he makes me an offer. I consider the options….destroy all existence or killd the fuck and go back to Arcanum to fuck Raven!

Tough Choice. I attack his ass and he goes Alien Queen on me! Jayna gets cleaved in half (frigid bitch). Between me, the Dog and Gar we take care of business and get ported back to Arcanum!

I stop by Dernholm to tell Lianna the news and she goes off looking for her father, but not before playing a little “daddy darlingâ€￾ with me and the dog! (he got in seconds mind you)

I set up shop in Tarant where ol lady Beston used to live and do odd jobs killing people with Gar and the Dog to earn cash and spend it over at Madam Lil’s. I stop by Quintarra every once in a while to check on Raven (and her mum…haha) and live happily ever after.


Epilogue:

I’ve recently been contacted by the Tarantian-Caladonian authorities regarding my alleged fathering of several children out of wedlock.

I denied every charge before the half-judge at the trial (and it cost me 3 straight ours of cunnilingus to get the case thrown out).

 

Hey, somebody finally puts a decent ending on this game.

 

Of course, he'll have to look like this:

 

Look like what now? I'm very curious. I want that picture...even if it scars me for life.

 

ahh, dont even tell me you cant see it?!

Go here and its the pix at the top left.

 

Uhgggg! He looks too much like my boss.

 

WOW! I remember Liesure Suit Larry. That was a horrible game, ha ha!

 

You'll get no arguments from me!

 

But it would fit quite apropos with the 'pervert arcanum', dontcha think?

 

Very true, but, I'd rather the Arcanum version, a Victorian lady's man. It's much easier to laugh at something like that.

 

Hahaha ^^ Just because of this, I'm going to create a character named "Larry"... God, I'm going to have so much fun ^^

 

Do you plan to post the mod? If so I'll hold off on adding one to my version.

 

A Mod of that nature wouyld require somewhat of an overhaul of the entire dialogue set of the game along with some severe graphical/soundwork to make it pretty....

..after all, what'sthe point of fucking someone if you can't see it ....


.......WHAT??????

 

And here I thought you liked a challenge.

 

I do....but my experiences in mod creation have been limited to to crap-all!

(well I have made a few levels using the editor but nothing to fancy or that required anything outside what WorldEd gives you....I'd need to start small and then build my way up

 

It has long been stated that you must learn to walk before you can run.

Also:

I had a thundering brainstorm last night.

Given that 99% of all sex in Arcanum is based in a bed, we need to find someone who can start with the art file for the bed in use, and redo it to show two heads above the covers and the pumping of hips. Add the sounds of passion (in WAV files), redo the script to bypass the blackout, and there you go! A second-generation sex scene for Arcanum.

I mention finding someone to do the art, because I am positive that I am not talented enough to do a proper job of it.