Gonna post this in parts if that's okay..so as not to bust the thread capacity for a single post. Tales of an Arcanum Pervert. So like my dream is kicking ass. 100 naked women at my disposal, and I'm still thinking I wanna bang the stewardess on the blimp. Some chick name Wilemena traded for my window seat earlier on, it cost her membership to the "mile-high club" hehehe....I wonder if her husband will ever find out. All of a sudden..all hell broke loose and the world started spinning and I passed out. I wake (major hard-on of course) and some little guy gives me a ring. Then to my surprise I find some idiot babbling about some living one. Virgil is his name and he just won't shut the fuck up and wants me to go to some town with him. I look around and see that all the chicks are dead and I'm not quite at the point of necrophilia...yet. Yeah Virgil...you go ahead and take care of those wolves.. We get th Shrouded Hills and I'm dying to get some at this stage. Virgil takes us to the Inn to look for some Edler guy, and find two dead bodies....gay-necro...riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...........NOT! I have look around the town to see wher the action is. The cute bank teller won't come out from behind the booth on account of recent robberies. The chicks walking around won't give me the time of day. There was a chick ghost in the mine but I doub't that would be any fun as I'd go right through her (would that be necrophilia too?). Some healer chick at a shop seems nice...says she'd like some magic amulet back...I offer to do it for a blowjob, but she seems hesitant and doesn't know what I'm talking about. Innocent. I'll have to look for that amulet at some point. I'm starting to get pissed off at Virgil at this point cos he's not helping matters. We hook up with a guy named Sogg (big fucker mind you) and we decided to get the fuck outta town. We pick a fight with a guy and two ogres near the bridge. I just threw in a few grenades and let the other two do the fighting. Sogg died (like I care) and Virgil got his ass beat (ha-ha). We decide to to take a job picking up some package for Jongle Dunne and it takes us toa place called Dernholm. (Yay). Oh for fuck sake this town is a dive! The whole place is falling apart!. Anyway, package delivered, time to go poontang hunting. I talk to a chick named Jayna Stiles, kinda nerdy but cute. She babbles on about healing and medicine, so I feed her my line about â€œplaying doctorâ€ (she doesnâ€™t get it) and she joins me. Some old bag named Gladys wants help getting her ring back from some old fart. I make Virgil and Jayna wait outside while I try to â€˜negotiateâ€™ with Gladys. She says 25 gold, I say gimme a fuck. She says 35, I say â€˜blowjobâ€™. We settle on 45 pieces of gold and a handjob. Sarah Toone is pissing and moaning about her mine, her brother and her motherâ€™s ghost (oh shitâ€¦). She wants to offer me 100 gold to get the deed of her mine back. I â€˜d rather be â€œdoing the deedâ€ and checking her â€œmine shaftâ€ instead. She doesnâ€™t seem willing but I feed her a line about her mother wanting her to be happy and she buys it. Quick shag! Met a great looking babe named Liana del Par. A fine piece of ass but looking at the size of her sword I figure sheâ€™d take offense to me getting cute with her. She goes on about some long lost relative but Iâ€™m really not interested. Virgil lands us a job collecting taxes from some place called Black Root. Dernholm is pretty scored out so I gather the troops and head off. Okay so like what the fuck is up with these Molochean hand guys anyway? Talk about being a pain in the ass. Okay now Black Root aint nothing special. Some idiot named Dante was drunk at the bar and talking crap. Met Clarissa Shalmo (not bad looking) whoâ€™s looking for Azramâ€™s star in exchange for training in throwing Mastery. I convince her to come to the back of the inn with me and show me how well she â€œtossesâ€â€¦man sheâ€™s got a strong armâ€¦left me acheing. Mrs. Cameron is worried about her son being missing. Not bad looking for a 40-sumtin. I figure I could use a little more help on this one and convince Dante the Drunk to join me. I go to Cameronâ€™s workshop and find the place in shambles. A little more searching and I find some fucked up creatures popping outta some portal. The fuckers damm near kill me but between the crews healing skills and spells I manage to make it and spring the trap on the portal closing it. Back to Black Root I give poor Mrs. Cameron the news about her kid and she thanks me by giving me a Funky looking pimp hat. I console by telling her about her sonâ€™s bravery and how heâ€™d like her to be happy and all thatâ€¦.it iearns me one more sympathy fuckâ€¦hurray! Black Root has paid out what I could and I go back to Shrouded Hills when Virgil realizes I should get the ring I found checked out. It leads us to the rather large city of Tarant! Now Tarant is my kind of place! Some chick wanted help finding her paintingâ€¦doneâ€¦for a blowjob. Some other chick wanted an elven funeral stoneâ€¦done, for two shags and quickie on delivery. Dante died getting that stone, but hereâ€™s me crying a river. Got me a new companionâ€¦a cool looking green dude with a british accent named Gar. Nice guy but the prick could take a bath from time to time. Took a tour of the town and bought a few goodies. Met a guard at the station named Jared who was married to the chick from the blimp. I feel kinda bad for him, given that his wife was a slut and all. He wanted me to order her a tombstone I told him to do it himself (lazy prick). At the company that made the ring I found, I meet a grumpy old dwarf named Magnus. I ask him what dwraven pussy is like and he gets all upset at meâ€¦.fuckâ€¦I figure heâ€™s down on his luck and offer to help him get answers from the guys below. Two fights later and we get a name for the ring: Gilbert Bates. I do few odd jobs in Tarant and then go talk to Bates (too bad his name aint Master hehe). Wants me to go see about some Dwarf clan. Crap! Some fortune teller wants a crystal ballâ€¦I promise to get her one if sheâ€™ll â€œrub my ballâ€ and see my future. We settle on a handjob upfront and a blowjob on delivery. I go see Madame Toussade and she makes me a counter offer to simply take the ball back to the other chick. I feel like asking for sex, but something about this woman just seems wrong. Anyway, I give your woman the ball and she fucking explodes right in front of me! Fuckâ€¦there goes my blowjob! I head back to Toussade for my payment and she was more than willing to make it up to me. Sitxy-Nine! Now Iâ€™m turning a real profit! I take the job from Bates, but stop by a few places in the industrial sector for a look around. And right nest to Toussadeâ€™s I find the place of my dreams: Madamâ€™ Lils! I spend all my cash with the girls! What a day! Gotta earn more money now! Okay now the Black Mountain Mines was a nasty affair. Damm near got killed twice and Magnusâ€™ head is now decorating a barrel! Thank goodness I had gar with meâ€¦the green sunbitch can fight!. We meet a dwarf whoâ€™s completely lost his mind and he talks talks talks for ages! I get my ass out of dodge, stopping by Dernholm on the way for supplies. I hook with a suave dude named Vollinger whoâ€™d like to help me out. Virgil gets all prissy about not having a good feeling about thisâ€¦.yeah fuck you Virgil Skywalker! Come along Vollinger!