"True Lies"

Us? Get upset? GET CORRUPTED???

I'd share an embarassing story, but I usually manage to save myself. Hence I don't remember them (because I don't tend to remember unremarkable events), so I can't share. Which I should probably be glad for. Unless you count being repeatedly asked for ID at the movies and bars as embarassing. In which case I get asked for ID at the movies and at bars. But not at bottleshops or video stores. Or sex shops.

 

Write them again Milo I don't remember those. I remember only your famous job persuit, your firend's father setting your ass on fire, and that milky chick (though that one was embarassing rather for her than you).

Oh c'mon, no restraining, write it all. Be a good donkey

 

Dear Jarinor, if you don't have a real story feel free to make one up.
Remember, this is "True Lies"

BTW Sheriff, I do wish you would entertain us with an amusing anecdote from your past. :nod:

 

Milo what do u have to say to what wind mills said ?

 

Hey DU, how about a little help here?

 

I don't have one. I can honestly say, with my hand on a Bagel, that nothing funny or embarassing has ever happened to me. I've never told a lie, either and don't intend to start now.

I'll try to think of something, but don't hold your breath (unless you're desperate to add a "nearly killed myself accidently" story to the thread)

 

Dark under lord your nice dark under lord .

 

Astounding. 6/8 of that entire post was the phrase "dark under lord".

 

This is embarassing to me simply because I'm an American.


http://www.petitiononline.com/twotower/petition.html


Some ignorant moran petitioned to have the name of the next LotR installment changed, because "Peter Jackson is obviously trying to capitalize on the 9/11 tragedy."

I hope this isn't considered spam, but I think it's worth posting for a yuck.

 

That has to be a practical joke. Really.

 

That is absolutely insane. The depths to which human stupidity can sink will never fail to amaze me...

 

Been posted here before, but yes, it is incredibly stupid. I even "signed" it with a message that I supported it if it was a joke. Otherwise, being pissed on by a rat would be the least of what they deserved. Okay, so I didn't have that last bit in, but something along those lines.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, the following is most likely going to be the single most frightening event to ever occur in my life. This morning, I awoke about three hours earlier than needed, to the irritating pressure of a full bladder. I have my own barracks room, but no bathroom. So, instead of walking to the end of the hall to the shared floor head, I decided it was a better idea to piss in an empty Clorox bottle. In my sleepy stupor, I failed to notice that the bottle contained about 4.oz of undilluted bleach. Now, I don't know if you, dear reader, have ever witnessed the reaction of urine with clorox, but I can assure you it's nothing less than spectacular. I was about three seconds into business, when the explosion went off, covering my penis and legs in a lung burning concoction of bleach and piss. I fucking freaked, I ran faster than I ever have in my life to the head and jumped in the shower. As I flushed my cock n' balls with freshwater, I was horrified to see my penis turning ghost white! I can't remember exactly what was racing through my panicked mind, but I think I seriously considered suicide. Strangely, there was no pain at all. It was at this point, I remembered something I had read about third degree burns causing no pain due to severe nerve damage. After roughly ten minutes of freshwater, I called the poison control center emergency line. I described the incident and the operator told me I had taken the right steps and that it was not serious, not serious?! My fucking dick was bone white! The operator assured me normal pigment would return within a few minutes and I had nothing to worry about. Well, he turned out to be correct. After about twenty minutes my doo dad seemed no worse for wear. Still trembling, I mumered a prayer to the Almighty. I followed up with a visit to Medical and they said everything was cool. Never again will I piss in an empty jug of anything. Okay boys and girls, hope you enjoyed this episode of "True Lies," see ya soon! :wavey:

 

:lol: That is funny! Sorry about that, and no, I never knew it would make a chemical reaction of any kind. Strange, isn't it? Now that chemistry class is out, does anyone have any other stories?

 

Thank god no bleach went up your urethra. I'm not sure how a dick would receive fluid rather than spit it out, maybe through osmosis or something, but just be glad it didn't. I don't know what would happen, but it couldn't be good to get bleach on the insides like that.

Next time, just piss in the kitchen sink like other alcoholics.

 

Err... Once I accidently got some shampoo up my penius. It became a pinkish red in color and hurt for a day. The next day, a strange brown crust had formed over the entire thing! Testicles and all! It was too painful to think about, but after a few days, the brown stuff dried and peeled off: like dead skin. Maybe it was dead skin.... I don't know if it was from getting the shampoo into it, or on it, but something painful happened! :-x

 

Ha! To funny, Milo. Sad thing is, I havn't been drinking. I'm getting ready for my physical readiness test, pushups, run, etc. Anyway, thanks for the good advice.

 

nbrosz, that brown crust wasn't from shampoo, it came from your brothers "Hershey highway of love." You dirty, dirty boy! Did Cookie Monster make you do it?
BTW nbrosz, why did you misspell penis and capitalize testicles? :hump:


I can't believe DarkUnderlord didn't beat me to this.