Smuel's good morning extravaganza

I feel like you've really let yourself down here Smuel. Unlike other terms for fornication, the slang "pork" is only conventionally used as a verb and not a noun (i.e. "Me and Smuel's mum had a right filthy shag on the countertop" works, whereas "I had a pork" makes a man sound like a simpleton).

Overall the whole contrived nature of Japes' and my moms liking "a plain pork" doesn't register as anything but the weakest attempt at a pun, and I'm deeply, deeply disappointed in you.

I think you need to learn when enough's enough, which ironically is a lesson I've been trying to teach your mum for years.

In regards to your other points, pork chops bad belly pork good.

Good morning!

 

I bow to your superior knowledge as the porking Pork King.

Good morning.

 

Smuel, are you trapped in an abusive relationship with someone who forces you to eat their lousy cooking? Who is force-feeding you these pork chops that you're whinging about? You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who makes a decent pork chop.

In other news... The search is finally over. I'm engaged! And the future Mrs. Japes makes an excellent pork chop. She's a real gem.

 

Congrats Japes! Certainly seems to be a development from disenchanted low-hanging fruit conversations from... how many years ago that was now!

And to the rest of you, Good Morning.

 

No, whenever I get trapped in an abusive relationship I end up doing all the cooking myself.

Um... it's uh... an alpha power move.

Yeah.

Good morning.

 

Dan Ackroyd does WHAT?

Good morning.

 

I don't know, but I expect I'll soon have a dream about it.

Good morning.

 

Nah, you would be more a taker than a giver.

 

I was at an awards event this evening. No not the Oscars, though thanks for assuming I move in those circles. It was some kind of business awards event. The details aren't really important. ANYWAY, at one point they said "Here to present the next award is Bing Bing Zhao", and I leaned over to the person next to me and said "Bing Bing Zhao? Isn't that a Black Eyed Peas song?" And they were like, "Huh?"

You get it though, right?

Good morning. Everyone's a little bit racist.

 

I would have at least given a pity chuckle if I didn't understand the reference. It is the polite thing to do.

 

Zanza - upholding standards of human decency whenever convenient.

Good morning.

 

Maybe the secret is using Bing as your stage name, because Bing Crosby.

Something I've considered is changing my surname to something like Dragon-Master, and then aim to have 7 or more children. I would then instruct my children to also try and have 7 or more children. Then 200 years from now, Dragon-Master will be a legitimate surname with there being Dragon-Masters across the globe.

I think the main stumbling block is committing to having seven or more children.

And with that interesting insight into my innermost thoughts, something something Good Morning.

 

I have also played a computer game or two in my time.

Good morning.

 

Obligatory.

Good morning.