Truly Wasted Celluloid

Against all reason, a thread about ranking has got me interested in something.

I'd like some examples of truly bad movies. I am particularly interested in ones with hilarious accompanying entries from IMDb or other press.

I'll start things off with a traffic accident of a movie I failed to avoid the other night, called Fast and the Furious

We rented the DVD on the strenght of a friend saying "It's okay, if you like car action type stuff," which turned out to be absolute bollocks. It's not okay unless you like boring, long winded, no-plot movies with annoying interest-free characters and clichéd, zero-imagination action sequences and dialogue.

If only I had read the user comments before renting, the first of which was

It is amazing to me that anyone liked this heap of steaming turds on wheels. It has somehow managed a 6.3 out of 10 on IMDb.

_________________

Give Sheriff all your hard-earned cash, Jar

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sheriff Fatman on 2002-03-06 14:32 ]</font>

 

the absolute worst movie i've ever been subjected to was tomb raider... the only thing that kept me from walking out was the fact that i paid for a tkt... that, and i kept telling myself, this can't get any worse... and then it did... *shudder*

 

Oh, man. I couldn't bring myself to watch "The Fast and the Furious". When I saw Vin Diesel say "I live my life by the quarter mile" on the commercial, I knew this movie wasn't for me.

Now for my contribution:

(Yes this is a real movie. It was made in Denmark of all places.)

Gay Niggers from Outer Space

Note that I haven't seen this movie. I'm nominating it for this thread going just by the title and the user comments.

 

i don't know, it sounds like a b-movie, and i'm a big fan of those... because there is a difference between true b-movies, and just plain bad movies... another movie with a truly wonderful title: frankenhooker...

 

The worst movie i have seen is one that is called Submarine terror".(shudders) It did live upp to the name though, but i do not think it was suposed to terrorise me.
Reeeeeeally boring keep distance.

But i really hated being at Harry Potter but that was because of 500 small kids with potatocrisp.

Small children in a movie theater :minigun:

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Qilikatal on 2002-03-06 14:51 ]</font>

 

Point taken, but - just out of interest - what demographic were you expecting before you entered the showing of Harry Potter?

 

Some of the best movies I have ever seen are american pie 1 and 2, the matrix and friday 1 and 2. Yesterday I was watching TV and I saw an advertisment for Resident Evil the movie. First someone makes a movie about final fantasy after that a movie based on resident evil, what next?

 

maybe he was counting on the massive illiteracy of american children...

 

Yeah, you have a point there. Some B-movies are great, like Kentucky Fried Movie. Or, it could be serious, but be so bad that it's good, like Starship Troopers.

For a more serious entry, I'll say:

Wing Commander

Maybe the worst movie I've ever seen. Ever. Few movies make me angry after I've watched them. This was one of those movies. I felt cheated out of two hours of my life; Like they were stolen from me by Freddy Prinze Jr. (of "my dad got coked up at a party and blew his own head off" fame) and Mathew Lillard (of "Hackers" fame).

I would quote a specific user comment on this movie, but there're too many of them.

 

If you ment what I expected....Not much really. The newspapers in Norway never gives a good grade to a good film. Never.
But I expected to be able to hear what they were saying. It was not good compared to the book though.

 

I would have to nominate "Four Rooms". I thought it might be good based on the cameos but all in all it blew!!! There was only one good scene in the whole movie and that involved a dead whore.

 

That's pretty funny, Milo, particularly if you consider that a guy called Chris Roberts has been put forward by gamespy on their Most influential people in gaming article. One of the reasons for his inclusion is that he "brought Wing Commander to film."

Qilikatal, I was actually being sarcastic, in a lame kind of way. I meant "What mixture of ages groups did you expect to find at the children's movie you went to watch?"

 

A movie in which Angelina Jolie wears wonderbras and tiny-tees can not by definition be that bad.
Worse Movie I've seen recently at least on video has to be a tie between Pearl Harbor and the Musketeer. I was shocked with the recycled 50's cliches in Pearl Harbor. You would think with the benifit of hindsight that a picture could add to the historical understanding of an event this one was as jingoistic as something produced during the war itself. The mustketeer just sucked you would hope the fights scenes would at least provide a jolt but it was just a luke warm rehashing of alot of better fight scenes.

 

He must have been influential to get the movie studios to commit millions to that pile of crap.

 

I'll go with "The Terror of Tiny Town". This black and white classic western features a cast comprised entirely of midgets. Riding Shetland ponies. And it's completely serious!
Not too bad a storyline, either.
But they didn't scale the sets down to match the actors. So Li'l Bob hops down off of Ol' Paint the Shetland and tromps over to the saloon. Then he CLIMBS up onto the porch and walks under the swinging doors. In the saloon, the cowpokes are perched WAY up on their stools, and one wonders who put them there and if they'll be injured getting down. Oh, it's a hoot.

 

I could just picture it. Little midgets running around trying to fire a gun and mount horses.

 

Probably the worst film I've seen is "Cobra" with Stallone.

I couldn't even finish watching it the thing was so bad. Even by the low standards of the Stallone genre this movie was horrible.


BTW whens someone going to mention Zardoz?

 

Zardoz? I have never heard of half of the movies any of you have talked about.

 

NO WAY! Cobra is a classic. A classic!

That movie gave us such memorable lines as "You're the disease. I'm the cure." and this little piece of dialogue:

Supermarket Killer: Get back! I got a bomb here! I'll blow this whole place up!
Stallone: Go ahead I don't shop here.
Supermarket Killer: Get the cameras in here and I'll let some people go!
Stallone: I can't do that.
Supermarket Killer: What?! Why not?!
Stallone: I don't deal with psychos.

Ahhh.... Cold as ice. As ICE.

In the words of Dick Vitale, "Awesome, Baby!"

 

I can't believe Cobra even got 4 out of 10.

Allright you asked for it. I give you Zardoz
http://us.imdb.com/Title?0070948

Starring none other than Sean Connery.

And for the Sheriff:

"Any movie that opens with the line "The gun is good... the penis is evil" can't be all bad."

I feel I should admit I liked Zardoz and all its weirdness. Should get some kind of award for most unique real weapon wielded by a hero. How often do you get to see a Webley-Fosberry Automatic Revolver in film?

BTW need to look for Joe Bob's review of this one if he's done it. The breast count is pretty high.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Otto Krupp on 2002-03-06 22:15 ]</font>