The scariest thing ever, period

I've seen dozens of horror movies, have been on many rollercoasters, and have even skydived twice. I've never been scared before quite like this.

As an American, I shall be watching my neighbors from now on. Satire or not.

 

64% said yes, 38% said no, 8% were undecided. 64+38+8=110% of responders. Their math scares me too.

 

Man, they must allow just about anyone into the internets these days.

 

Because people say so? That's stupid as shit.
Just because the majority of people think something is right, doesn't make it right. More likely to be right? Perhaps. But this is just stupid. This has to be fake.

 

Translation: this study proves that 64% of .000003% of the total U.S. population doesn't know what the word "correlation" means.

 

I take most things written or said seriously anyway. I'm naturally gullible.

 

Truthfully, I stopped reading after the numbers in the first or second sentence...

 

As soon as I saw 'As an American' I closed the tab.

 

I skimmed the first paragraph, and contemplated reading it while my porn buffers. I decided I'd rather sit and watch progress bars.

 

Nothing would make you lose an erection faster.

 

I don't believe it.
No wait, yes I do!