I fucking HATE Tasmania

Tasmania sucks. It's cold, it's dreary, the weather sucks donkey balls all year around the the rest of Australia has an annoying habit of forgetting we fucking exist. And even when they do remember, it's usually only to make tassie mutant jokes. (Fuckers, I'm not even a born Tasmanian and it gives me the shits.)

But this is the straw that broke this camel's back. There's a movie out called Red Cliff. It's based on the epic battle of Chi Bi, a.k.a. the best example of tactics > numbers I've ever encountered. Only... They're not showing it in a SINGLE CINEMA here in Tassie. NOT ONE! And it's not like we've got a dearth of them or anything...

Fucking oath. Is that really what you guys think of us? You're willing to give us Bruno and The Proposal and every piece of mindless drivel that comes out, but you're not willing to give us Red Cliff?

This shit isn't funny anymore. Please send us some good films. Start with Red Cliff.

*sulks*

 

My white car is fucking covered in dirt and has been for the last 3 weeks due to the rain... It'll probably stay that way for a month, too...

True, the movies have been shit. I spent 3 hours watching that harry pothead for no good reason I can think of.

Actually probably the only reason I'd ever stay down this way is because I cannot handle large groups of people. Honestly, I know some people in melbourne who I get to see every now and then - just walking around up there makes me consider a drunken homicidal rampage, although that could be the hang over...

Tasmanian jokes aren't so bad from mainlanders, it's when locals inadvertently make them. Some shit show took over mash the other day and the host (seriously) said "lets face it, down here it tassie we're alll one big family".........

Oh, and it's raining and my windows open -.-

Sorry, i'm feeling bitchy

 

Bitch away, my friend, bitch away.

Harry Potter was fucked, man. I love the books and this movie... it was not Harry Potter. It was some stupid teenage angst-flick with a little magic thrown in. (Although... Dumbledore's fire spell amused me, because I just looked at my friend and we chorused 'Level Thirty Gifoie', much to the bemusement of others around us.)

Ironically, this rain has left my bike cleaner than it's been since about a month after I got it, although I could do without wiping an inch of frost off it every morning. My weekday roommate says she can always tell where I was parked the night before because it looks like someone dumped a bucket of snow there.

I'm not much of a big city person myself. I occasionally go to Melbourne to visit relatives, but they live right out on the edge of the city (and a couple live up bush near Bendigo), so that's not an issue. When I go to Sydney to visit my ex-boyfriend-who-is-still-a-close-friend, it's another story. He took me to Chatswood on a Sunday morning once, it's busier than Launceston at Christmas. I had a panic attack the time he took me there to see a movie...

And they interrupted M*A*S*H for a tassie joke? BLASPEMY!

(You watch M*A*S*H. You better watch out or I might make the effort to ride up there and tackle you.)

 

You could always visit me on the gold coast, best of city and beach!

Yes I've just returned from my back packing adventures of the UK and Europe. I survived you all!

 

Tasmania. All I know about it. For a second there I thought you people there may have those silly little non-flying fruit birds, but Wikipedia proved me wrong.

Hey, Zanza, welcome back. How was your trip? Hope you didn't freeze.

 

They're just giving you the shit so you won't rise up. It's a conspiracy to keep your people stupid and feeble.

 

Who doesn't watch M*A*S*H? You're not a real person otherwise. They have been taking it off once a week for some 'discover tasmania' esque show with the fat bloke from the APIA insurance ads. It's pathetic as the only people forced to watch it are locals, who don't really care about tasmania anyway.

I still don't know why I went and watched harry potter. I've read the books and as good as they were I've never really been a fan or anything. Fuckers even put the price of tickets up by $2...

To give you mainlanders a comparison, first time in melbourne, looking over at one corner at 7am on a saturday morning was probably the entirety of burnie in-town any given day. The panic attack didn't come until I saw one of those male critters, wearing tight jeans, makeup and a faggy hairstyle, though. It was like a juvenile tranny or something.

Personally, I think scaring small children can be better achieved by talking about South Australians or kiwis. Inbreeding isn't something kids can understand.

 

Maybe you guys should live in a real state instead of Whinesylvania.

 

I've worked it out. The rest of Australia hates us because we're living in the one state that hasn't yet gone to shit. We still have untainted wilderness, cute native animals (although you don't want a Devil to bite ye, I will admit), clean air, actual manners, and cities where you don't have to confront several hundred whiney bitches just to go to the corner store.

Compared to the rest of Australia, Tasmania is paradise. That's why they get all bitchy and hide the good movies from us. Because we've got it better than them.

I feel a bit better now. (And if I could only work out where Eastlands Cinema is. Apparently Village Cinema got a lot of complaints so they're actually going to show it. Holy fuck.)

 

Obviously the solution is to move out of the country!

And isn't Eastlands down in Hobart? At least it can't turn out to be any worse than any of the other crap. I was up until 3am watching some 'Ladyhawk' movie that involved a bum-fluff covered 14 yo and copious amounts of 80's music. Anyway.

 

Ladyhawke involves actual physical pain, it's so bad.

Eastlands is in Hobart. Hrm. This could be tricky.

 

For the sake of it, I looked up Red Cliff to see if it's worth watching, and, well. Apparently they're not selling tickets in Eastlands at all... So that's nice, especially considering how shit Bruno turned out...

On top of that I nearly crashed into a pole when my windows fogged up due to leaky air vents \0/.

 

I am buying a bullwhip from this guy as soon as I can save up about $300 American.

He's from Taz. Love his accent.

 

I fucking LOVE Ladyhawke. Matthew Broderick as Mouse, Roy from Blade Runner as the Captain, an incredibly improbable storyline involving possible bestiality, cheesy 80s music... Pure gold.

 

You wanna talk cheesy 80's gold, let's talk about the BBC production of 'The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy'. Everything that the American movie did wrong, the Brits got right twenty years ago. It's fucking hysterical.

*starts humming the theme tune, which is still firmly engraved into her brain*

 

I love the BBC The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. They even throw in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

Geek Note: The original Marvin in the BBC THGTTG can be seen in the new version when Arthur is in line to get the forms to rescue Trillion. I squealed when I saw it.

 

Careful, Xiao.
You'll have Yuki moving to Tasmania.