too lonely, too frustrated, SO confused, thinking i'm crazy,

im at the crossroads, 21 years old, graduating BS Archi at a university by april, have been applied in a firm, and pretty much a decent summer vacation with activities.. so what the heck IS MY PROBLEM?..

first, let me quote something from Dr. Gentempo that will dictate this post's discussion;


"What you thought before has led to every choice you have made, and this adds up to you at this moment. If you want to change who you are physically, mentally, and spiritually, you will have to change what you think."


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CONFUSED: my confusion ignited when 2 days ago, i shared my prospects for a sideline in a job, and my sister ranted me about me and my old man (tatay).. she says that because I will be a working dude, i have to:

1. gain the old man's TRUST by talking to him (w/c to me is non-sense - because I always have a normal conversation with him everyday)
2. that in order to have our father's "approval" I have to be more attentive to him (which to me is a no brainier, but c'mon.. the only thing that entertained me at our home is MUSIC.. why do they have to take it away also?)

I always try my best to understand my sister but this is one of the most INSULTING thing she ever ranted on me, I FEEL like my family was bitching out their expectations on ME when all I wanted was their support on WHAT I WANTED TO DO THE MOST (which is doing ART). ALL MY LIFE I was compromising my hopes and dreams just to get their APPROVAL and now I still have to gain the man's TRUST (to what end?.. because I already given up my hopes of using Dad's car.. or hearing genuine compliment on him many, many years ago).


if that was what my father really had on his mind about me, then I was really pissed off, why does he have to pass it on my older sister if he could simply just say it to me, i am good on confrontations, the reason why I looked as if I don't listen is because of that fact.

my family is really just shattered by other problems, mainly due to my mom's irresponsibility (other problem w/c we can bear naman, but can't do anything about our mom regardless)... i was just disappointed because I when I was young my mom always instruct me things,, even LYING, which makes me feel bad about my mother, I despise her because of that.

LONELY: because I was "left hanging" for the uncounted time by a girl for her to be with the other man. I am deeply hurt with this experience, and who else doesn't? Unfortunately I created "her" because two years ago, it was started out on me being just a "dude friend" who listens on her problems, desires on my guy batch mate (she is 2 years younger on our batch) and as time goes by ended up being in love with me. Because I have other casual relationships too I have to decline her because I plainly looked at her as my best friend to the best sense... when we met up she always treated me as if "kami na.." which to me is a pretty much a adventurous one so I PLUNGED IN... and there we were, "sa huli ako ang talo..." the moment I asked her to be my girl friend she didn't say NO but nalaman ko nalang na may BF na xa.... and there she just left me hanging.

BROKEN: because of the emotions that I am feeling right now... too frustrated to SEE the future.. all my life I am STRUGGLING, being somehow JUST, but still getting the crap out of life.. yah the problem might be a cashew nuts or somewhat more complex compared to you, but to me this is unbearable.
....

 

This is all caused by the fact that you're 21. In other words, it's perfectly normal.

It still sucks, but you'll work it out.

Short answer: Forget all that and be your own person. You're the only one who has to live with your choices.

 

Piss lightning and shit success. If they don't like you, don't like them. If they disapprove of you, disapprove of them. If they are unhappy with your choices, be unhappy with theirs.

Never miss out on an opportunity.

Now, do you feel all better?

 

You're doing fine. Just plow ahead, disregard their opinions of you. Hold only your opinions close to your heart, they're the only facts you really need. You'll show them all.

 

Sounds like you need to slap a bitch.

 

Despite its length, I read the post and I found it to be too-stream-of-consciousness for me to make detailed sense of it.

From what I could gather, there is conflict and much of the conflict is internal. Given my grasp of the issue, the best I can offer is:
Do what satisfies you. If that isn't an option, then do what will sustain you until you can do what satisfies you.

 

I was touched by your posts, to think of it I thought the dudes here will laugh or taunt my post. Turns out you have given me really awesome advices and for that I thank you :').

 

Haha post, run at me!

 

words of wise-dome (off the top o' the dome)

"Piss lightning and shit success. If they don't like you, don't like them. If they disapprove of you, disapprove of them. If they are unhappy with your choices, be unhappy with theirs.

Never miss out on an opportunity. "

how well said.

Also, let me add my two cents and say that when life gives you lemons, break some silly laws, bend your consciousness (by whatever means necessary) and realize that if a bear shits in the woods and you weren't there to see it, it might as well not have shit, according to you.

This whole merry-go-round is so subjective that eventually we all must learn to let go and listen to our selves.

How does one listen to oneself?
sit down.
shut up.
and listen.

Also, bang psychedelics till the cows come home.