What connection do you use?

Well, in third world countries, only the rich people have computers, so they'd probably also have satellie internet access...seeing as cable is really expensive to lay down, and adsl requires phone lines. Satellites are more portable.

 

Suck my blood and rape my corpse…cable beats dial-up hands down. I'm with the "other" option Jarinor. Optus charge me US$37.50 per month and have no download limit (well…they've got a little graphic showing "acceptable usage" and the trick is to stay below the red line J). Pity you can't get it where u r!

 

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your
3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three
month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not
previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of
monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so
that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to
rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can
have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day
smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.

My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting
in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your
technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57
minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more
annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
Website....how?

I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles
for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and
highly adept.
The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although
the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a
drill-bit, and his cerebrum.
Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several
further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem
arrived ... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay
for it.

I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35% ...
these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to
Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend.

I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone
calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been
unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are
it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will
call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone will call
me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a
telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be
transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is
available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that
your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows
whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to
the irritating Scottish robot woman ... and several other variations on
this theme.

Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a
thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of
those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't
care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in
print than to shout them at your unending hold music.
Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of
god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more
disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to
their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't
anyone else is there?

How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable
dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you
truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents
of the highest order. British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine
like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your
seemingly limitless inadequacy.

Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to
receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and
cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the
services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver
- any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief
although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even
perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's litter
tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and
your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become
desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of
posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not
experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the
very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

Yours psychotically,

 

Ouch. Nice letter. Did you write it, or are you quoting someone else?

It doesn't really matter though. Anyone offering that service should be taken out into the street and shot (any excuse to say that :smile.

 

Wasn't me Jarinor, though I've wanted to put thoughts to words in this way plenty of times...especially the cat offerings - nice touch I thought! I'm in Oz like you and the letter came from Fatman Land (BT should have given it away :smile:

 

And you have the time to actually read it.

 

And you have the time to actually read it.

 

Doesn't take that long to read al :smile:.