Cracked.com, saving my brain one article at a time.

Today's victim? Edward Cullen!

I want to marry the author of that article.

 

I want to chisel every single word in that article into stone.

 

Wasn't this article in the bar at Nar Shaddaa in Star Wars: Jedi Knight 2: Jedi Outcast?

 

Well yes, it was, but then again, that game has everything.

Just so you know, Halo didn't invent regenerating shields, Jedi Knight 2 did.

 

? I thought the Protoss did.

 

? I thought Star Trek did.

 

? I thought Crysis did.

 

Oh, will you all just go fuck yourselves?

...I just gave you boys permission to wank yourselfs into a coma, didn't I?

 

Don't look at me that way, I wasn't the one who derailed this thread.

Spoiler

Then again, it might have been my mere presence that did that.

 

"It's hard and cold. And it throws rainbows in the sunlight."
- Edward describing his penis.

Is that actually in the book? Either way, I wish my penis threw rainbows..

Good article anyway, followed the link to Buffy vs Edward, which was also funny and personally, Viktor_Berg's presence fills me with joy and a new apprecation for life and humanity. As does the bar in Jedi Outcast.

 

Pretty sure I don't need permission from Xiao to masturbate, and if she ever gave it to me I don't know if it would help.

 

It wasn't you, it was the power within your avatar.

 

Depends on whether or not she decides to give you some of the pretty pretty pictures she's taken. :3

 

The really funny thing about the article was the last bit about Cullenism.
Thing is, Mormons believe that when they go to heaven, they actually become gods of their own universes, so the universe that Meyer created with all of the twilight characters could be seen as a Mormon fueled pipe dream.

 

"Pedophilia? Check. Necrophilia? Check. Older girlfriends? No, thanks. We have morals here."


Something I can agree with.

No, wait!

 

Wait.
What?
Really?!

 

...and so the Mormons gained a new recruit.

 

I'd like to see sources for this, Gross. I've had a friend do her best to explain LSD's belief system to me, and it was positively nothing like this.