the single nastiest moment of my life.

i took my child out of her jumper, and crap ran down her legs. onto the carpet, all over the toy. then she kicked me. kicked me with her small crap-engulfed foot. i screamed in agony, she screamed back, and it was horrible. she even tried to stick her foot in her mouth. i screamed again... i'm so throughly disgusted, i want to cry.

it was green, in case you were wondering. dark, moldy, forest green.

 

Nice combo.

Kinda reminds me of this kid in 3rd or 4th grade... I remember we saw a small group of people standing and laughing, so naturally, we went over there to check it out in time to be in the front row. There was this kid standing with green crap running out of his pants down his shoe. The crowd was swinging around laughing hysterically, pointing fingers. The kid just stood there, crying.

Sometimes I wonder if he's still alive, and if he remembers the day he shit his pants with green crap for everyone to see.

 

When I ws about 6 I shared a bunk bed with my little brother, who was 3 at the time, and one day I woke up to a very strange smell.

My brother used to sleep in a very awkward fetal position, basically with his knees tucked under his stomach and his face burried in his pillow (no he didnt do this on purpose, he'd just shift around in his sleep and always wind up that way). So anyway, I woke up one morning to a ery bad smell and I climbed down fromthe top bunk, to see my sleeping brother halfway in his fetal position, and halfway rying to straddle the wall, and there was crap all over his legs and the wall and his sheets, and his pillow, and etc, etc, etc.

It was so terrible.

It was sort of like walking into a room and seeing your parents dissembowled. Only not as bad I guess.

 

Well, I suffer from gastroenteritis every now and then. Once, I went to visit my grandfather at his home (8+ hours of trip) and I ate some things at the road (cheese with stupid green stripes....FUCK THE FRENCH AND THEIR FETICHE WITH MAKING FUCKED UP CHEESE) and the first thing I did was ask for the rest room. I didn't get much further than opening the door and projectile vomiting at 2 meters from the toilet. The acid in the vomit ruined some of this bathroom tiles and I also had to clean sticky, smelly and gruel-like vomit from the floor.

 

Here I was thinking after reading the title that Rosie was going to tell us about the sex dream she had about Jar Jar..... imagine my disappointment..... anyway, I've got a embarassing disgusting story as well. I was talking to some chick in a bar trying desperatly to pick her up and was starting to actually get somewhere past the part where they (women) only talk to you out of politness before they decide if they like you or not, when I felt a sneeze coming on, so being the gallant getleman that I am I turned my head to the side, (after excusing myself), and proceded to muffle as much of the sneeze as I could.
Now... you're all thinking that when I turned back to face her I had a snot dangler hanging off my chin or what-not.... well.... you would be wrong. I was very suceesful in stopping anything from exiting any orifice and feeling very impressed with myself, I did turn back to her, but quite suddenly another sneeze occured which I proceded to spray ALL over her face....
She just looked at me with a look of absolute horror and disgust for about four seconds, then made a slight gagging choke and threw up all over the floor at her feet. It was at this point I decided to make a strategic retreat* back to the (relative) safety of my friends who spent the next few hours quite openly laughing at me. Needless to say I went home alone that night, and the last I saw of the unfortunate victim of my booger facial, she was being helped to the toilets by some of her friends who were looking around for... "the disgusting animal that did this".


*may of ran like a little girl screaming, EEEWWW!.

 

Being an old fart, especially compared to most of you, I can recall a lot of moments that might qualify, but one seems to stand out. When I was in first grade, I was sitting behind a girl who was evidently too shy to ask the teacher to let her go to the bathroom. So, right in the middle of class, I looked down and hastily snatched my feet up off the floor to avoid the spreading yellow puddle that was coming from her chair. She made quite an impressive puddle, so she must have been holding it for a long time!

 

Well, the closest I can come to these sorts of stories is the night my brother was really sick, and started throwing up all over his bed. He would have been about 4 or 5 at the time, so I would have been 6 or 7. At any rate, he's throwing up everywhere, I run and get my mum, and as we get back to the bedroom we shared (my brother and I you sick cunts) and flick the light on, we see my brother rear up, having just unloaded another load of acid and vomit onto his bed, and catch him just before he throws himself back into one of the other numerous puddles of vomit on his bed.

Nobodie, your story was brilliant. Rosie, your story reminded me why I don't like babies, and also made me think of what one of the guys said at work yesterday - "I like other people's babies because you can give them back when something goes wrong".