ZOMBIES

I'm bored. Tired and bored. Thinking about....doing some stuff. Trying to get a job, thinking of things that could make me some money...inventions, stuff like that. And zombies. I'm thinking about zombies. I have a sort of obsession with zombies. I don't like them, though. I rather hate them. I hate the very idea that the dead could rise again, in a sort of un-life, and feast upon the living. And, as ridiculous as it seems, I think of what I would do should zombies begin to walk the earth. I'm doubtless that it would piss me off. What would anger me more would be that the only weapon I have to combat them is a potato gun. That's not really the point. The point is, zombies have to be the most disgusting fictional creature known to man. Zombies are dumb, driven by instinct, and they make the same noise over and over. They also eat things. Thinking about them makes me angry. John Madden makes me angry too. In fact, I think he may be a zombie. He says the same damn thing in every football game he narrates, several times over. He's obsessed with athlete's foot, and, he's stupid. He's got two zombie characteristics, and they just happen to be two of three that I mentioned. He's two thirds zombie. If you ask "How does that make Madden a zombie?" then you haven't ever seen a zombie movie. They also eat things. Now, I've never met Mr. Madden, but I'm pretty sure he eats too. So his zombie to human ratio has just tipped a little more to the undead. I'm no expert on the undead. I'm not even an expert on the dead. Or the living. I just know that thanks to modern day video games, I can "kill" as many zombies as I want, in the privacy of my own home. It lets out my pent up aggression against, you guessed it, zombies. Wasn't that a shocker? Sometimes, I hate zombies so much, I wish they were real, just so I could "kill" them. Another thing I hate about zombies is how quickly they reproduce. At the longest, it takes a day. but if you're severely bleeding after a bite, then it's minutes. I think that the best way to deal with zombies is to knock all of their teeth out. Hell, they can't feel it, so why not? And yes, there would still be zombies running around biting people. But, without teeth, they'd just be gumming everybody. And gumming is a funny word. I think toothless zombies are hilarious, but I still hate them. To be honest, I'm curious to know just how many people out in the world hate zombies as much as I do. And when I say hate, I mean you envision every ounce of your hatred as a compressed mass of blackness, and as soon as you start to think more about zombies you try and think of a way to kill them with your compressed hate. Yes. Respond with any comments or whatever. I really do want to know your opinion. Unless you're a zombie.

 

zombies are awesome. you cannot appreciate the full scope of how cool the undead are. but if you're a good shot, we might invite you into our zombie fortress.

 

To me, the only awesome zombie is a dead zombie. If that makes any sense. I'm very accurate when it comes to shooting just about anything.

 

Whats not to like?

 

I can't see the picture, but i'm sure that if I did see it, it would throw me into a blind rage from which there would be no survivors.

 

Cant sew the pix? Bummer. It was a clip from Shaun of the Dead.

I agree Zombies are a bit gross, but why the deep-rooted hatred?

 

Now I can see the pic. I hate zombies because the concept of such a disgusting, shambling, mass of ugly. Why? Who thought up the concept of zombies as most people see them? Who said, "Hey, you know what would be nasty? If dead people would get out of their graves and start eating people. But not just dead, days, or weeks old dead. Dead like they're still juicy, and stinky. And to make things even nastier, how about if you're bitten by one of these...zombies, you turn into one, but only if the bite kills you. It probably will, considering they're dead, and they've got God knows what in their mouths. And the only way you can kill them is by shooting them in the head. They're dead, so they can't feel pain, and they keep moving if you damage other parts of their bodies."
"But then why do their brains still work?"
"BECAUSE! Besides, they don't really work, it's like a reptile brain, minus the sense of pain. It runs on instinct."
"So, it can't feel pain, but it can still hear/smell/taste/touch/see? That doesn't make sense."
"It doesn't have to! They're dead!"
That's part of why I hate zombies.
I also hate them because they don't exist, meaning I can't kill them.

 

I think the fear and hatred of zombies originated way-back-when because people were afraid of dying, and worse, the dead coming back to haunt us. Not just zombies, but vampires, ghouls, ghosts, end everything else that goes bump in the night. That, and coming across a deader that hasn't been buried properly would be a nasty sight indeed.

Your description of zombies sounds like many of the people I work with before they get coffee in em on a monday.

 

That's just the thing. Vampires, ghouls, and ghosts were already well established by the time zombies gained their "popularity." I think the addition of zombies to our undead repertoir is superfluous.

 

Zombies are a legendary and mythical creature from Africa. Blame the africans.

 

What are you talking about?

I'm not sure if they ever became popular, aside from followers of Rob Zombie. Its just one of those creepy things thats been around since right before we decided to start burying people, back in the stone ages.

Now skeleton warriors on the other hand are kinda cool.....

 

He's talking about voodoo and the proccess of turning the dead into slaves. They didn't eat brains or bite people, they were just mindless workers without souls. Zombies (of all kinds) are awesome.

 

Zombies are annoying. Worse than deer. Always shambling out into the road and getting hit. Always traveling in large schoals so if you run into one it's not just a three second decapitation, you actually have to wade into battle. They're also messy when you kill them, never neat and clean, like humans. And there's always a fat one who somehow thinks he's the uberzombie and just flails around like a dumb fuck all the time. I swear WELUC needs to do something about these damn things. Without letting anyone know they exist of course.

 

Oh, come now. It's not so bad to kill zombies. I mean, they're fairly easily disposed of and you get a quite high BC after a while of battle-wading. It's all about BC, and you now it.

 

That's all well and good, but I'd prefer they were wiped from the entertainment industry. One thing that I think is weird about zombies (the rotting, eat people kind), is that for every OTHER supernatural creature, someone has seen them. No one has seen a zombie. People have seen what they thought were ghosts, vampires, ghouls, werewolves, but not zombies. Since they have no real place in folklore, they shouldn't exist. Well, I shouldn't say that. Ever since voodoo started, there have been tales of zombies. But voodooism is just a combination of African beliefs and christianity, so it can't be all that old. Any way, the talk of zombies started when Voodoo Houngans were suspected of killing certain people, and those same people had "risen fom the dead" and their families saw them walking about, days or weeks after a funeral. However, none of these zombies are actually dead, which leaves me to wonder how the rotting zombie ever came about. These voodoo zombies are in a state of perpetual shock, caused by the venom from the puffer fish. Sometimes, it's more than shock, it's brain damage from lack of oxygen to the brain. Any way, its said that if you give one of these zombies salt, they remember A: They're dead, and their bodies will die, or B: Who they are, and then return to their family. I just don't get the whole rotting zombie thing. Here we go, a break down of every major type of zombie:
Demonic; A demonic zombie is thought to be the body of a dead person reanimated through the use of satanic magics or energies. They're immune to head trauma, in the sense that it will not stop their bodies. they must be utterly destroyed, because their seperated body parts will live on and attack. Also, their reanimation will spread to others they have killed. They are capable of speech, usually repetetive phrases, like "Join Us! Join Us!" Also, their eyes or eye sockets have a glow to them, usually red, but sometimes blue or white.
Biohazard; These zombies are the most popular. I say that because the most famous zombie outbreaks are caused by some virus or bacterium that energizes the nervous system, and reanimates the dead. Through a bite, they can spread their virus, and make more zombies. Think Resident Evil.
Toxic; These are strange. These zombies are caused by some strange mixture of dangerous chemicals that either cause the death of a person or seep into a freshly dug grave. The chemicals they "bleed" will cause zombification, as well as eat through most inorganic materials. Decapitation at close range is not recommended, the jet of blood from their bodies is extremely dangerous and will most definitely get on you. they have a relatively short lifespan, as the chemicls that gavethem "life" also rapidly eat them away.
Radioactive; These zombies you should all remember from "Night of the Living Dead." They are the result of some crazy radiation, be it from a nuclear power plant, space, fallout from atomic weapons, or whatever. Their eyes or eye sockets also glow, but green. Their bodies also emit low levels of radiation. however, if you die and are close to one of these radioactive zombies, you too will rise as one of the radioactive dead.
Now, not all zombies can spawn more zombies. It's just the more popular (or sinister) members of the undead are able to "reproduce." Speaking of which, there are a few movies in which women are raped by zombies, or are somehow impregnated with "zombie seed." This results in a Zombie Cross, or "Zombie-X." They're alive, but have a hunger for flesh. Sometimes, they can be taught to fight this urge, but only if they're smart enough, and if they're treated kindly. Now, you may be wondering "Hey, Grossenschwaum, why do you know so much crap about zombies?" I'm obsessed with zombies. I hate zombies. If i ever see a zombie, I will destroy it with all that I am. I know these things because I have to know. And, even if such a situation will never happen, I'm prepared for a zombie holocaust; a time when the dead outnumber the living, but they're still walking around. I hate zombies. they're disgusting. Do you know how much fun I have playing resident evil? Too much fun, that's how much. I want there to be real zombies so that i can kill them, but, that was in my first post, as well as a little bit about John Madden and how I think he's a zombie. Anyway, I hate them. Hatred. If you can call me a rascist for hating the dead, then go ahead and call me a rascist. I don't care. I'll even start my own club, the KKK, or Kool Kids Klub. We'll have Life Rallies, and we'll form little mobs and corral Deadders, telling them to go back where they came from, cause we don't want them here. Yeah, that's right, I went there.

 

dude, you are so invited to the fortress. totally cool.

 

Grossenschwaum you have just raised youself about ten levels of coolness.

 

That'a sort of thing that most people know but neverhave the time to write or say. That post was real good. Ill join your club any day, my fellow zombie-hater brother. Together, we shall cleanse the world of the living, disgusting, dead, and recieve a skyhigh BC for it!

 

Alright, then, you're all members of the Kool Kids Klub. Huzzah!

 

I might not join, but I don't think I'm going to kill you sir.