Women.

Sadly, my job keeps me somewhat emasculated, but I make up for it below the waist. No regulations about that.

 

I thought you were in the National Guard?

Oh, and I find myself in the same spot as you.. except I'mn't allowed to be in shape. I think it's technically against the rules for my career path.

 

I'm in the Army (active duty, not NG) and therefore can not grow the beard I've always wanted.

 

The invention of the gas mask meant no more awesome facial hair. A real shame, that.

 

Huh...I really have no come back for that logic.
It's flawless...yet wrong. But, since I can't fathom why it's wrong, I'll adopt it until it's beaten out of me by someone superior.

 

I hate you so much.

 

That's your envy.

 

Hey! I can, and have, drawn blood with my electric razor.

 

If there's any way possible to hurt myself with something, I'll find it.
Just happens.
I think it a family curse or something.

 

I am using everyday a razor blade, and not an electrictical one. I think that waxing your body, or shaving your groin is not manly.

 

Your family name wouldn't happen to be Murphy, would it?

 

Nope. But I wouldn't be surprised if the bastard was a distant cousin.

 

(Possibly unneeded) Update;

I talked to her. She's convinced herself that it's my fault that her life has so much drama, and she doesn't need it. The joke's on her, however. She is the source of all of her strife and difficulties. I decide to not tell her why her other friends don't talk to her as much, the reason being she acts like everyone owes her something. She started every fight I had with her, just like she started the fights her friends had with her. She'll see it all eventually. She's got a bit of a napoleon complex, she's 5'1" and extremely cocky. Everything bad that happens to her is someone else's fault; she can do no wrong.
And it somehow got into her head that I owe her $400 dollars...no idea why.
So, have fun, bitch! My life's better without you. Give someone else your sob story, latch onto another "rock". Be a barnacle.

 

Is she hot? I'm willing to lend ya a hand on this one, Gross. I'm pretty masterful at the whole psychological scarring thing... I'd say that your last three sentences sum everything up. Women like that're good for nothing. Usually even just the 'bone'em'n'ditch'em' turns into a huge fiasco. Also, I've seen that a semi-local knife shop has straight razors, and were I not convinced I'd slice my damn throat open I'd get myself one.