who needs a laugh

He does. That's why there's this shit all over the place.

 

that's just nasty :lol:

_________________
people are idiots!

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: mrnobodie on 2002-03-07 05:26 ]</font>

 

AND untrue!

 

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.

"What's with the steering wheel?" the bartender asks.

"Yaarrrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

 

Sorry if you've all seen this already, but some of you need to consider the consequences of your actions :wink:

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

That is hilarious!

 

Tee hee!
That sure is a purty pussy cat...
*whack* *whack* *whack*

 

Well, if that were true....There would be NO MORE kittens. At all. I mean cats would be an extinct species. Even if the law only applied to me... err...............

 

oh kitty......Oh Kitty......OH Kitty........OH GOD KITTY.....KITTY!!!..... UNH.....kitty! hang on kitty i'll get you a cloth.

 

this isn't really a joke but check out a song called Human Being by The Beta Band, very bizarre but very sexual.
*edit* sorry about the double post

_________________
people are idiots!

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: mrnobodie on 2002-03-08 10:51 ]</font>

 

:throwup:

 

here's one that one of my cousins told me it's pretty old but still kinda funny

A cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied, "The balcony."

 

Brian Hester invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was. Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs. Hester started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie, than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle But the
fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received a letter from his mother that read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Stephanie, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Stephanie.. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

LESSON OF THE DAY ... NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!!!!!

ahhhh, much better hey raist?

 

Hmmm ... I think I may have heard that one before, somewhere

 

whatever do you mean sherrif?
i gave raist III credit

 

I figure this one could go in either the gun control or humor thread.
A guy in Amsterdam took 18 hostages to protest the quality of his widescreen TV he felt he was misled. After a few hours he shot himself in the head twice.

 

well atleast there's one less stupid person in the world now.

 

Oh no! That's why my kitty died. :sad:
Milo = Athiesm++ (take that, you sumbitch!)

Here's one:

A nurse is giving a comatose woman a sponge bath one day when she notices that everytime she cleans the woman's genitals, her heart monitor speeds up.

When the woman's husband stops by to visit here the next day, the nurse pulls him aside and says, "I don't know if I should be telling you this, sir, but... I have reason to believe that if you have oral sex with your wife, she may snap out of her coma."

"Wha- Thank you! Thank you! Please give us some time alone!" the man said.

"Absolutely sir. I'll be right outside at the nurse's station monitoring her vital signs," the nurse said as she took her leave.

Some minutes later, she noticed the comatose woman's vital signs were speeding up and heading towards critical. Within seconds, she was flatlining, and the nurse hurried to the woman's room where she found the husband sobbing.

"What happened?! What happened?!" the nurse yelled, trying to shake some sense into the man.

"Well, I did what you suggested. Everything was going fine until she started choking..."

 

TWICE?!? So, not only was he stupid, he was a bad shot.

Gun control is hitting what you aim at.

 

So You're saying sometimes we need gun control :grin:

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ThreeDogs on 2002-03-11 16:50 ]</font>