who needs a laugh

Funny and pointless "political" (yeah right) cartoons.

http://www.thetoiletonline.com/leaveit.htm

http://www.severin.ch/gwb/

 

Here an extention to Lewis Carroll's "Old Father William" poem.

i made it up myself



"You are old," said the youth, "and I think it quite strange,
That you daily go out for a race.
Would it not be better your affairs to arrange,
And put on a more dignified face?"

"In my youth," said Sir William, "I never did play,
And always I practiced restraint.
But now I am old and chase beetles all day-
It amuses to watch ladies faint."

 

Posting it twice doesn't make it funny.

Find your cold, high, happy place.

 

don't post unless there's a joke.


A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "hey! what are you doing?", The monkey says "smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that when he get's to the river he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "whats the matter with you?". The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey!". The Monkeyl looks down blink's a couple of times and says, "Faaaaaaark.......how much water did you drink?!!".

 

I didn't really mean to post twice,
I blame this computer device.
It was just my luck,
That it suddenly stuck,
While clicking my singular mice.

:/

 

Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a pint of
fermented goat's milk.

One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and
they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son, he's a martyr."

"This is my second son. He is a martyr also."

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says wistfully,

"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

 

Two men were standing on the side of the road, and one had his finger up the other's ass. (This joke wins for best opening line) A cop pulls up, and says to them, "Hey, what the hell are you doing?"

"Well, officer, this is my friend here, and he's drunk, so I'm going to make him throw up." replied the man with the buried finger.

"You idiot! You can't make somebody throw up by putting your finger in their ass!"

"Yes, huh," the man replied. "Watch when I pull it out and put it in his mouth."

 

thats not funny.

EDIT// I doubt you meant it to be, but seeing as how its in the jokes thread...

 

maybe it's just me, but i did see the humor in it.

 

I sure didn't...

 

Sex is like geometry, the simplest perfect formation is a triangle.

 

sex is like pizza: when it's good, it's very good, and when it's bad, it's still kind of good...

 

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First she ncalled on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little Billy.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!"

 

Joyous tidings mother fuckers....



What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?...


"Dam".

 

I was going to post this yesterday, but I didn't want to offend any-one... kinda.... sooo... here you go.


Euphemisms For "Getting Your Period"


Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara

Trolling for Vampires

A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy

Saddling Old Rusty

Feelin' Menstru-riffic!

Clean-Up in Aisle One

Massacre at the Y

T-Minus 9 Months and Holding

Game Day for the Crimson Tide

Panty Shields Up, Captain!

Taking Carrie to the Prom

Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band

Ordering l'Omelette Rouge

Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp

Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System

 

For those of you who felt let down there was no x-mas themed joke to enjoy....


A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S".
The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough toys."
Santa replies once again tapping the boys nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.
The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"