Drill a hole in the road, or simply use one caused by erosion. Fuck it. Road won't bleed for nine months.
Sounds painful. I don't like calluses. Then again, a road baby might come in handy, what with the asphalt limbs to strike down my enemies.
"I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated" ...56 translations later we get: "Article E - mail."