The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks

wolfsbane, you won't be there. if we let you in, vyenna won't come, and let's face it, she's the more desirable choice. first of all she can bear children, which is priority #3 in a post-apocalyptic world, secondly she brings Teh Wrath, and third, she has boobies. she beats you in every category.

and since this is my Impenetrable Fortress of Doom we're talking about, i say you sit outside.

 

If you let me borrow your spider-ninjas, I'll rent you out one of my supply shed/bunkers. Not much, but it's cozy, and there should be an mp5 or two lying around.

 

Or i use my ninja-skills to infiltrate your stronghold (You're looking for zombies; you won't expect anything dextrous or swift), and pry enough food from the suplies to get by. You won't even notice me. By any luck, my spiders'll find me enough food to survive from outside the fortress.

 

You really want to get in between a bear and his food stocks?

 

Who said anything 'bout your foodstocks? You didn't just assume I'd leave yours alone? Wobbler seems downright determined to die in a firefight with the zomies, so I'll steal from him.

 

...I can support recycling.

 

Beautiful.

 

Plus if the virus that reanimates the zombies is airborn transmittable and you breathe in the fumes of your flamethrowing joyride, you're just as easily fucked.

 

Seen the third movie, have you?

 

Wow... just when you think that there's something an elf wouldn't fuck.

 

Whatever floats your ornately carved elven boat.

The only clones I'd bed with are organic; i.e. twins, triplets, etc.