The only way to deal with punk kids

He should have shot them. All of them.

Got hit thrice last week. By them f'ing newcomers down the street. Fuckers even threw some snowballs through my bedroom window while I was airing the flat (it was open for only five minutes - do these fuckers smell their prey or something)?

Took my slingshot and a bag of icecubes and took revenge.

New Year's Eve is going to be worse, though: fireworks. Them newcomers don't even celebrate it, but gosh do they love to blow up stuff while the people who do celebrate it are trying to enjoy their holiday time. Goddamn mongrels throw them in your mailbox, point them at your windows... And if you talk to the parents, you get the whole goddamn newcomer community breathing down your neck.

Last year I did a counterattack by getting on the roof balcony and while in prone position, slingshotting their arses with large Pop Pops.

I hope the battle continues this year.

 

Sounds like you have a lot of fun on New Year's eve.

 

I like your style.

 

Slingshot + Icecubes = Fucking awesome!

I'm so glad it only snows on the mountains here. I remember, the one time my parents took me up Ben Lomond (a mountain with a seriously shit-scary road with no rails on the edges, yikes!), my sister and I were enjoying the snow, trying to make a snowman, and BAM! Some big teenaged fucker started pelting us with snowballs. I was nine, my sister was six.

The teenager quickly learnt you do not fuck with Xiao's baby sister. Chunk of ice to the groin.

 

And he lost his footing, fell off the side of the mountain and never was heard from or seen again. Murder at such a young age. It's so precious

 

Now, if my math is correct, she's almost exactly my age. So what's she into?

 

Scuze me while I got find a large chunk of ice to hurl at your genitals.

Seriously, I gave one of her ex-boyfriends a broken nose when we found out he was cheating on her. And he was the one I liked. Don't give me a reason to go all Mama Bear on your ass.

 

Hey, DF have never cheated on anyone!

I think...

All for pounding people though.

 

To date, I have not. and while I do have a girlfriend at present, Tasmania qualifies as more than a zip code away...


Xiao: You live in Tasmania. TAZ. MAIN. EE. UH. Your country was named after a whirling dervish of a cartoon character! You guys don't have ice! I've seen the cartoon!

 

Actually, the psycho Devils are some of the friendlier natives. There's a reason we're so goddamn badass here, y'know.

And why the man holding the international tinnie-drinking record is a Tasmanian. (Boonie!)

 

*wince* I know. One of my classmates did his work placement at the Mount Pleasant lab...

 

Just by the by Sal, Tasmania is a state and not a country as much as Australia might wish otherwise. I dunno how that fits into your devious plans, but your education was a little lacking....

Devils aren't that friendly though, I petted one at Mole Creek as a kid and it nearly took my hand off...

 

They hauled you off to Mole Creek as a kid too, huh? I'm starting to think being dragged there is some kind of Tasmanian rite of passage...

 

I think it's meant to induce a 'love of the land' or whatever. Sorta failed when the little fucker ripped my hand open though. And I hear they're closing the place down now anyway

 

Love of the land my ARSE. Nothing puts a kid off the great outdoors than school camps.

 

Oh FUN.

I well remember my Grade 7 trip to Mariah Island... I had an asthma attack, blew through their crap-tastic supply of Ventolin in less than a day (seriously, one mostly-dead puffer? No preparation there, I notice), depleted my own the day after. And it took them four days to get me off the island because the dickhead whose job it was to keep us in contact with the mainland lost the goddamn mobile phone!

I fucking hate school camps.

 

I apologize. I meant island. The point is, it's a far enough destination that I can pork Xiao and her cute, probably equally petite and frisky sister at the same time, and it not qualify as cheating.


I went on a 'camp trip' with my 5th grade class. My buddies and I didn't duck out of any events... but we didn't really partake in any, either. It was a nice, leisurely week with the occasional sucky beach walk.* I think that I took a stick of deodorant with me (old spice). It smelled bad. First time I wore deodorant.

*please note, in this case, we're referring to one of those horrendously young, upsettingly boulder-strewn stretches of barnacle covered rocky hell that Washington has this morbid thrill of calling these stretches of land beaches for the sadistic pleasure of watching tourists fall and break their damn faces.

 

Tasmania is to Australia what Quebec is to Canada. Unfortunate.