The new guys strikes back

Without biscuits, what's the benefit of being Secretary of Whatever? I mean, come on here: I'm in it for the biscuits, dagnabbit!

 

Everyone knows you don't put biscuits in the ground...the proper megalomaniac knows that one must encase the uneaten biscuits in a hyper-baric hermetically sealed diving bubble, and anchor them to the bottom of the Mariana Trench.
You can get your own biscuits, Spuddy. My biscuits are mine. If I happened to give you biscuit mix, however, you could keep that. All things that are not yet biscuits hold no interest of mine.
I could use biscuits to control the masses, however. LSD is cultivated from a certain fungus that grows in wheat. If I was to make biscuits with said contaminated wheat, and distribute them freely, the nation would be mine.

 

*gets his own biscuits while glaring furiously at his superior*

 

I am a stern ruler...but fair. I will not take your biscuits.

 

Just for that, I'm going to vote for you several dozen times the next time you hold rigged elections to mollify the UN.

 

That will be effective when people read the word "mollify".

 

You know, I could call my Grandmom and make you some Swedish Cinamonbuns instead of you arguing with Gross for a bloody biscuit or two. Making Cinamonbuns is, like, what she does, so there'll be plenty.

 

Are you referring to me? If so, my arguing days ended once Gross made clear to me that he wouldn't steal my biscuits. In fact, as my previous post shows, I now love him as my ruler and overlord.

But kanelbullar are funking delicious - I might stop by the "Swedish Alps" sometime just to taste your granny's...

 

I know. Och hennes är fanimej de bästa. So stop by some time and enjoy. My spiders won't bite you.

 

Seems as everyone here manged to get its own superweapon, either ninja-spiders or LSD biscuits. Then I should have at least something like Petroleum Elemental.

 

Sounds a bit too flammable for me - what happens when you meet that dwarf with a flamethrower? "Shapechange into Fire Elemental?"

 

He would transform into Flame elemental for a while, but after refining in Gazprom elemental pipes he would restore his condition and even would be capable of being used to produce benzin.

 

In US English, Petroleum is the jelly people sometimes use for...stuff.
All I can see is a monster made of petroleum jelly. You know it's coming from the noise its feet make; A sickening squirty crush noise, not unlike the sound of a lonely trucker having his way with a jar of mayonnaise.

 

The KY Petroleum Golem, most feared of all lonely monsters.

And it will take me several years of intense psychotherapy to get that trucker and his mayo jar out of my psyche...

 

Yes, well, it's your own fault for knowing how to read.

 

Yeah, that's right - blame the victim, why don't you...

 

Hey, it's not my fault you were intelligent enough to learn your ABC's. If it was up to me, I'd outlaw all reading...and stuff. Yeah, I lost my train of thought about midway through the last sentence. Either that, or my oppressive individuality failsafe was turned on without my knowing, and I suddenly became more politically correct.
Ah, here we go, I'd outlaw all reading for people who already know how to read. The people who are willing to learn are able to read...but for a price.
They would have to give their first born child as a sacrifice to the sun. If they can't manage that, the sacrifice would either be taken in the form of pulped gonads or severed digits.
You're lucky you got to read so soon, Spuddy. Though, nothing you've seen can be un-seen. But, you know what they say; A little psychological trauma builds character.

 

Man, am I ever happy I learned to read before school. That means I soaked up lots of crap the Grossenschwaum Government will have to spend enormous amounts of grossiers to spank out of me.

Unless I am too highly placed to be unlearned, in which case I'll secretly form a guerrilla movement to -

Uhm, I mean, all hail Gross, our glorious leader!

 

What's this? The air of mutiny?
Need I get my duct tape, some angry cats, and a stripper with several STD's, one of which is named for her?
If that's not the case, you don't need to unlearn anything. I merely ask that you DON'T read any more. And, by ask, I mean prohibit with extreme violence.

 

But your command makes not all that much sense, O Mighty Grossenschwaum... You forbid me to read, yet force me to read in order to receive that order? What's more, I did not merely read - I actually learned something! ( = That I may neither read nor learn.)

*sigh* Maybe extreme violence would be a relief at this point...