The light in the dryer?

Polar bears need not speak to get their wants and feelings known. Our resident Thalarctos maritimus, Blinky, speaks not out of necessity on his part, but to alleviate the tensions brought about while attempting to communicate with something that can be 11 feet tall if it stands upright, and is, sometimes, upwards of 1600 pounds.
That being said, I'm fairly certain a group of baby seals could send a polar bear into a bloodlust, during which time one should stay the hell away from its mouth.

 

Then stay the hell away from his mouth.

 

I'm usually safer in a bloodlust, because I destroy most of the things around me, but I never have the patience for anything I need to reload.

 

Good, 'cause I have.

 

Well then if Blinky goes into a bloodlust, make sure you're using something that doesn't jam.

 

Like a minigun?

 

*sets up a big magnet*

 

Looks like you're boned, Wolfsbane. I'd go for a suit of tungsten full-plate, with an osmium-titanium-steel claymore. However, I'd also have a rocket sled handy, just in case I didn't want to be crushed by a frickin polar bear.

 

My minigun's plastic. Who's screwed now, Blinks?

 

What does it fire? Condoms?

 

Penguin Pellets!

 

As if penguins need any help. Have you ever seen one oftheir nests? It's a friggin pile of rocks with a 360 degree spray of guano that arcs for about 5 feet.

 

If what I've heard is true, the smell alone would knock you off your feet.

 

Holy crap! Your right about the guano explosion! ewww....
(the horrible things I learn at T&A)

 

Yeah, they just kinda bend over and power the stuff out. And, I mean POWER. If they were able to hold baseball bats in their cloacas, they'd hit homers.

 

Sweet Jesus. We've got to do something about these birdies. Anyone thinking the same as I?
*raises baseball bat and urine-spray*

 

Wolfsbane!!! What are you thinking? Since everything else has gone organic these days, why not use organic weapons as well?

Just tuck one under each arm, and when some fool gets close enough, give a firm squeeze and let'em have it!

100% natural. No artificial colors, additives, or preservatives.

Other than range, what more could you want?

 

A gas mask?

 

uuuuuhhhhh.... Yeah....!