The Insane Religious Nut Thread

Blinky969 · Mar 24, 2005

Here goes, going to start posting some of the more... memorable... Christian sites I've seen. Besides, Charlie needs a place to focus his Christian hating, might as well be focused at the stupid Christians.

Number 1:

http://www.absolution-online.com/confessional/

Ok, it's not really insane, but confess to Murder A, cruel and premeditated, and then confess to Homosexual acts A, and compare the two punishments.

I'll give you a bonus since there is no REAL joke involved in that site besides the concept.

http://www.rail.freesite.org/KKK.html

There was an even worse one, it was the actual child recruitment page. How can something advocating death be bright and colorful? The page moved and I can't track it down.

mrnobodie · Mar 24, 2005

The KKK "story" HAS to be a joke.... right?... I mean, black kids?.

DarkUnderlord · Mar 25, 2005

6 days fasting vs 5? That confessional rocks!

We feel it necessary to inform these kids of the injustices .. snip .. and the monopoly illegal Mexicans have over cheap, difficult manual labor whites would never do.
Click to expand...

DOWN WITH MEXICANS!

Dark Elf · Mar 25, 2005

eConfessional

May the Almighty God have mercy on you, and forgiving your sins, bring you to life everlasting. Amen.

May the Almighty and Merciful God grant you pardon, absolution, and remission of your sins.
Venial Sins

Recite 4189 Hail Marys and 110 Our Fathers.
Mortal Sins

Consider the implications of what you have done. You must take all steps possible to undo what has been done, and make right what you have done wrong.

You should fast for a total of 19 weeks. If this is too much to do at once due to the length of the fast, or infirmity, it is acceptable to break a fast into smaller sections. If you are unsure how long it is safe to fast for, consult a doctor.

If your sin also broke the law of the land in which you live, you must confess to the authorities.

I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

May the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the merits of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the Saints, what good you have done or what evil you have suffered be to you for the remission of your sins, growth in grace and the reward of everlasting life. Amen.
Click to expand...

This is what happens if you pick all the sins at Grade A.

Sleek_Jeek · Mar 25, 2005

http://a.as-us.falkag.net/dat/dlv/aslfr ... =0&mod=111

Dark Elf · Mar 25, 2005

Tsk, your link doesn't work Sleek.

Blinky969 · Mar 25, 2005

Dammit Dark, you heathenous bastard.

Want some more?

Another funny concept, maybe Retard should sign up:
http://www.thepowerteam.com/

On a more serious note, to save you all from spiraling into a cultural oblivion:
http://www.sounddoctrine.com/baphomet.htm

Strong is the evil in that one.

Xz · Mar 26, 2005

All religious is than nutt.

Blinky969 · Mar 26, 2005

Interest seems to be dying off, must show you more.

http://bethelministries.com/INSURANCE.htm

This is just for the ladies: http://www.angelfire.com/ut/godlywomen/wivesjob.html

Please forgive the aggravated piano music.

Lastly, have you ever wondered what christianity, bigotry, and a blatant marketing strategy would look like rolled into one?

http://www.capalert.com/lifeline.htm

Silvara · Mar 26, 2005

One of the craziest OMG RPGs are satanic! webpages I've seen... http://www.co.jyu.fi/~np/gameofsatan/

Dark Elf · Mar 26, 2005

What has always struck me with these Christian nuts is their predilection for marking important words by WRITING THEM IN ALL CAPS and ending sentences with multiple exclamation marks - as for making them appear more true, I guess. The Bible is the TRUTH!!!!! Praise the LORD!!!!! The Bible is the word of GOD and thus INFALLIBLE! AMEN!!!

@ Silvara

That webpage must be a fake - the guy is so overextending himself and exaggerating on every goddamn point. Saunas are used for communication with the devil? Come on, not even Jack Chic would had come up with that... would he?

Xz · Mar 26, 2005

Meh, I say we ban religion

Blinky969 · Mar 26, 2005

game of satan is a classic, but you can't possibly beat the two I just found, I'll let the anticipation brew for a little bit.

Dark Elf · Mar 26, 2005

Xzbyte said:

Meh, I say we ban religion
Click to expand...

And thus put a ban on heathenry? You must surely jest. :cry:

Xz · Mar 26, 2005

meh, W/E do like you want you religious nuts.

___

Screw religion, get a:

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^^^^^^^^^^^ #^#^#####^^^^^^^^^
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.Ã‚Â·Ã‚Â´Ã‚Â¯`Ã‚Â·-><-Ã‚Â·Ã‚Â´Ã‚Â¯`Ã‚Â·..Ã‚Â·Ã‚Â´Ã‚Â¯`Ã‚Â·-><-Ã‚Â·Ã‚Â´Ã‚Â¯`Ã‚Â·..Ã‚Â·Ã‚Â´Ã‚Â¯`Ã‚Â·-><-Ã‚Â·Ã‚Â´Ã‚Â¯`Ã‚Â·.

MatahChuah · Mar 27, 2005

Hahahaha.. Anyone read the new name for the GD?

DarkFool · Mar 27, 2005

Purchasing of Porn:

eConfessional said:

May the Almighty God have mercy on you, and forgiving your sins, bring you to life everlasting. Amen.

May the Almighty and Merciful God grant you pardon, absolution, and remission of your sins.
Venial Sins

Recite 164 Hail Marys and 5 Our Fathers.
Mortal Sins

Consider the implications of what you have done. You must take all steps possible to undo what has been done, and make right what you have done wrong.

You should fast for 5 days. If this is too much to do at once due to the length of the fast, or infirmity, it is acceptable to break a fast into smaller sections. If you are unsure how long it is safe to fast for, consult a doctor.

If your sin also broke the law of the land in which you live, you must confess to the authorities.

I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.

May the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ, the merits of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the Saints, what good you have done or what evil you have suffered be to you for the remission of your sins, growth in grace and the reward of everlasting life. Amen.

Click to expand...

So I have to fast for five days for purchasing porn, and yet it doesn't say that I can't masturbate to the porn I purchased... :/ :-? :/

MatahChuah · Mar 27, 2005

Yah, but that's assumed. That's crazy shit though.

Xz · Mar 27, 2005

Heh, I didn't notice the name before I saw your post. but it is true.

Anyone seen the new name of the forum?

Blinky969 · Mar 27, 2005

lol, wow...

new sites, you'll love them

The first is actually a serious problem. The structure of the American family values system is breaking down, we're becoming a shiftless rabble of sin and indulgence. Lucky, we've found the cause.
http://www.diakrisis.org/old_macdonald.htm

Interesting quote how the guy says that point is debatable since the Scripture doesn't give a definite answer on the subject. Since they do it I guess it's a gray area.

At least he's not quite as bad as this, the best I've seen so far.
http://www.tencommandments.org/population.html

Interesting concept, why doesn't he try and see how long it takes him to get shot. Of course, using his reasoning, we should all thank the Jews then:
http://www.jewwatch.com/jew-occupiedgovernments-USSR.html

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