THE ALL-IMPORTANT FAQ - READ OR DIE

These Are The Rules, And You Will Obey Them

On The Subject Of The Banhammer
We've been known to ban entire continents to get rid of a single annoying member. Do not tempt the wrath of the moderators.

Leave Your Gravedigger's Shovel At Home
One sure way to make the members of House of Lords try to remove your spleen with a pair of hedge-clippers is to post in an old thread. If you really must bring attention to something in a thread long since abandoned, start a new one and link to the old.

As a general rule of thumb, if it's off the first page or it's been more than a month or so since someone updated it, leave it alone. There's a certain amount of leeway given to the creator of a thread, but still. Use some common sense.

And on that subject...

The Most Useful Button Here
Search. Use it. Don't make us break out the flamethrowers, just use it.

Use Your Goddamn Period Key, Or 'Spelling Is Your Friend!'
While we'll give you a certain amount of leeway if English is not your first language, we like people who at the very least try to use decent spelling and punctuation. If your posts make you look foolish (or nine years old), then that's the way we're going to treat you.

Don't be afraid to ask for a little help or advice when it comes to spelling, grammar and punctuation. It's one subject you're almost guaranteed to get some help with.

This Isn't The Muppet Show, And You Are Not Guy Fucking Smiley
Do not abuse smilies. Do not make posts consisting entirely of smilies. Not even if they're funny. Step AWAY from the smilie panel.

Despite Our Love Of Monty Python, We Loathe Spam
We hate stupid ads. We especially hate stupid ads when they appear in our forum, posted by some goddamn spam bot that somehow managed to get past the filters. Don't post ads, I'm not even close to kidding.

We also count random 'gnaar furf weeble' bullshit as spam. Unless it's actually funny, and at least vaguely related to the topic on hand. I know it's hard, but try to hold yourself back.

Posting on the wrong topic in a forum counts as spam, and tends to be punished harshly. Come on people, it's not hard.

Don't even think about spamming the Arcanum section. Things will get... messy...

I'm Funny, He's A Bit Of A Git, You're A Fucking Arsehole
We're bastards here, it's a fact of life. We're angry, we're cynical, and we fight like cats when presented with an exceptionally large, juicy mouse. However, if you have a go at one of us, we will slit you up a treat.

In other words, we like to be nasty to each other. But it's all in good fun, and taken with a pinch of salt. We suggest waiting until you've gotten a good feel for the locals before joining in. Feel free to joke around, but learn where the Joke | Arsehole line is.

There's These Guys, Right, And They're In Charge
We have admins and moderators here, and they're hard bastards. They command - we obey.

• Dark Underlord - The Man In Charge. His word, he is law. In other words... Dark Underlord posts, and we obey. Got it?
  
• Vorak, Dark Elf and Xz - The Day-To-Day Men In Charge. These are the guys who lock threads, keep things up and running, and hand out well-earned banhammerings. Treat them with respect.
  
• Calis and Taluntain - The Lost Men. They have all the powers of the Day-To-Day Men In Charge, but have vanished into the aether.
  
• The Bob - The Very Useful Man. This gentleman helps maintain the website and keeps things running smoothly behind the scenes. Drog Black Tooth used to be a Very Useful Man before his disappearance.

Don't ask to become an admin or a moderator. Even if you've built up a fairly solid amount of respect, we've long since learned that too many people with ultimate power makes for some incredible stupidity and random banhammerings. So just don't even bother.

We Don't Do Facelifts
You can pick from a limited amount of avatars, or you can just go without. There are no other options. Yes, there are people with custom avatars, but they have earnt them through a large number of intelligent/witty/bizarre posts and by having an actual personality. It'll take you some time, but work at it. You may well be pleasantly surprised.

We Must Be Ninjas Because We Hate Pirates
Do not mention warez. Do not ask where to get them, do not tell us where to find them, do not even mention owning them, do not mention them AT ALL. Doing so warrants a Vorak-style insta-ban. And not one person here will try save you.

Six Of The Best
You're new. We're bastards. I'm afraid you'll just have to put up with some teasing for a while. In general, the better you take it, the more we'll like you. If you manage to be witty and burn us right back, we'll even call you friend.

 

Questions, Questions, Questions...

So, I hear you guys have some useful downloads for Arcanum?
That we do. Find the 'Downloads' button in the control panel at the top of the screen and have a ball. We suggest a clean runthrough with just the official patch, to appreciate just how much Drog and Rroyo have improved the game.

What's this roleplaying forum for?
Precisely that - Role Playing. We narrate battles, create arcing adventures, or just mess around. However, 'last post in this thread WINZORS LOLOLOL' bullshit is not roleplaying. Don't try sneaking it past us anywhere else either. Seriously, it's grounds for instant banning and the potential blocking of an entire continent.

I found this guy in a thread, talking about Allah and how he killed CIA operatives. What the FUCK?
Ah, that would be the infamous CharlesBHoff. Nobody knows where he's from or what he's smoking, and his appearance has an amazing ability to send hands rocketing towards flamethrowers. He blames Bush for everything - including long absences - and appears to be the very worst kind of fanatic. He usually leaves fairly quickly though, so just try to wait it out.

So I clicked a link and OH GOD MY EYES! Why? Why must you torture us so?
Ah, I see you've fallen for our perpetual game of 'Who Can Hurt Who The Most'. Sorry about that. Porn, gore and really painfully bad YouTube links tend to breed like ferrets on speed in this forum. We have a little saying that may help you. 'Don't Click The Links.' If you're a compusive clicker, at least check the URL before you go hurtling into the aether. Save yourself the pain.

How do I make spoiler tags?
Here's the code.

Code:

[spoiler]Do it like this and then you will have to highlight the text to read[/spoiler]

Spoiler

Do it like this and then you will have to highlight the text to read

Dear lord, you people are horrible! Why do I keep coming back here?
I dunno, why do you keep coming back if we upset you so much? We warned you that we're bastards. If you're really that hurt by our bullshit, then don't come back. It's not rocket science.

I posted in a thread that had only been closed for a few days, and you people are issuing death threats! Come ON!
Did you check the year as well as the day and the month? I wish that this question wasn't necessary, but recent events have proven me oh so very wrong...

Why is there a dead koala in my bag?
I don't know. Who have you irritated lately?