Stop Uwe Boll

http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html

Uwe Boll recently said that he'd stop making movies if he received a petition
with one million signatures or more asking him to stop making movies.

He's the asshat behind pretty much every major movie release based on a video game. And yes, he's the one responsible for the horrible storyline in the movies.

Interested in stopping it? Spread the word.

 

Whatever became of the debacle-to-be Dungeon Siege movie? I was hoping it would be scrapped. I'd hate to see Jason Statham throw his career away like that.

 

I'm way too jaded to believe in the power of petitions, much less an online one. Signing an online petition is the equivalent of getting on your rooftop and shouting at the sky.

That said, Uwe Boll is to movies as MTV is to music.

 

Philes, we have to try. Think about Starcraft. Think about Baldur's Gate. Think about Arcanum. Is this really the fate you want?

 

Ron Pearlman to play Sog-Mead-Mug

 

A good Virgil could've been Robin Williams a few years back, in his early forties.

Pearlman would make a great Gar. He'd only need the green face makeup and some tusks.

But now that I think about it, I've seen ever way the game can end. I've seen most of what can be done as far as deaths and character interaction, so I'm just wondering what the movie's story would be, as in how they actually got to the end, and how it would be interesting to me. Regardless of how it all plays out as a movie, if it's ever made they have got to put the Stillwater Giant into it.

 

rroyo to play Thorvald.

 

I guess they'd have to pick one way, probably involving killing Kerghan. But let me guess, the main character is a bit shaken up and almost can't decide to do it?

Oh, and what about the PC? What's the PC's name? God, I hope it's not Merwin Tumblebrook the halfling zephyr survivor who can't fight...

 

[gravelly voice] ....Teach me to go pickin' on gnomes.[/gravelly voice]

Sam Elliot to play Doc Roberts.
Liv Tyler for Gaylin.

 

Sam Elliot would be great. Then, after a random encounter with a grizzly in the wilderness while on the way to Tarant, they could work in the famous line:

Patrick Stewart to play Gilbert Bates.

 

Sam Elliot:

http://beewho.com/funny/hihov/hihov_sub_elliott.jpg


Personal opinion: Liv has too soft of a voice to make a good Raven.

 

When you write a screen play based on as open-ended a game as this, it's difficult to include every possible outcome. And I'm guessing Troika didn't establish what was the official cannonic path/ending to the game. The lack of a sequal certainly doesn't help much either.

I would go out on a limb an propose two main characters (including Virgil as a supporting character, not a main one). One would be a male, human technologist and the other would be a female, elf mage. I would also make their personalities contrast too for a bit of character-driven conflict within the traveling group. Maybe the human could lean towards an evil alignment and the elf a good alignment, or vice versa. That would also help to establish with the audience the tech/magick dichotomy and how dangerous it is to mix the two. It could also serve to add a romantic cue to the plot if the two characters are supposed to end up "together".

Anyway, I think having two main characters would give us more of a chance to cover more of the plots/subplots in the game by, at some point, throwing in a plot device to separate the group. Maybe half would travel to Ashbury by steam engine while the other half travels to Dernholm (for whatever reason). Now more ground can be covered and the plot still feels just as important at each point since each main character is still involved.

 

Three party members, a human techie, a female elven mage, both good/goodish, and evil Virgil, who helps because the end of the world as a concept kind of overrides personal subjective morality.

An alternative to Virgil: Keanu Reeves (it'd be fucking funny)
Madam Lil: Cameron Diaz
Prostitutes:
Eva Mendez - Maid turned Prostitute
Jessica Alba - Bunny
Ellen Page - the young one
Whoopi Goldberg - the half-orc
Judi Dench - the other one (old I think)
Smythe... Jude Law?
Head Wizard in Tulla (forget his name): Christopher Walken
Stringy Pete: Johnny Depp
Dog: Sam the Dog from "I am Legend"
Vollinger: Jack Nicholson or Anthony Hopkins
Chukka: Drew Carey
Min Gorad: Keira Knightley
Torien Kel: George Carlin
Waromon: Seth Green
Constable Owens: Tommy Lee Jones
Garrick Stout: Russel Crow
Lianna Del Par: Julia Styles
Sebastian: Sam Waterson
The Bane of Kree: Arnold Schwarzendeggar
Joachim: Robert Redford

 

What if the stress between them mounts until they fuck like bunnies, then fight, try to kill each other, then leave the group, abandonning the hero in mid-quest so that he has to hire Geoffrey free Torian Kel just to have the manpower to take down Kerghan, who, incidently, doesn't suck this time around.

 

DE: I guess you would prefer a more Brokeback Mountain approach?