Sorry about the recent spam, guys.

Apparently, it's weird to look at sharpened knives to calm down, especially after an argument (even if it's a hobby to sharpen them and the knife in question is made of molybdenum steel). I mean, I've been depressed, but I don't want to hurt myself.
I did, however, want to know just how toxic xanax is, since I take it for anxiety and seem it be immune to it - so I looked it up, as I do for any medication I take. Apparently, on the low end of the lethal scale it would take 331 mg per kilo of body mass to kill me. On the upper end? 21700 mg per kilo.
After the aforementioned argument and staring at a sharpened knife, mom called 911 and said I was threatening suicide. 4 police officers later, I realized nothing I would say could convince her otherwise. During my intake to determine whether I actually needed care, a doctor asked if I had a plan because I did mention I had ideation. Stupidly, I say, "If I was going to do anything, I'd take a bunch of pills...but the only thing I'm prescribed is 30 2mg xanax a month and I'd have to buy the rest, because on the low end it would be about 165 pills per kilo and on the high end it'd be 10,850 per kilo."
I have about 97-98 kilos of body mass...it's a lot of pills either way, but from what I just recently found out, buying enough xanax to kill me 5 years ago on the high end of the scale would cost over 8 million dollars if I couldn't haggle with the dealer. Plus, how the hell would I even get 10,850 xanax? If the low dose didn't kill me, it could take years to finally find the right dose to do it and it would financially crush just about anyone but a billionaire.
"Oh, well it sounds like you're rationalizing your suicidal ideations pretty well. We'll have to admit you."
They then tell my mom I look up ways to kill myself all the time. I might as well have told them that jumping in front of a moving train is about 90% lethal, or how few people have survived falls from over 1,000 feet.
That effectively explains my absence. I wouldn't have said a thing, but apparently doctors don't know how many pills can fit into a person's stomach or how hard it would be to actually buy that many xanax at one time. Even making doctor money, they'd have to save up for a while to do it. And on the low dose, their stomach might be too small to fit all the pills.

 

That does indeed explain your absence. Fret not; I aim to make up for your lack of participation shortly.

Good luck not killing yourself, although I get the impression you'll need more luck convincing others that you do not actually want to kill yourself.

 

Hey it's almost Christmas, I don't think anyone can be blamed for the forum not being active recently - I certainly know that's why I haven't had much time to check in recently.

As to your specific problem, that sucks. I guess in the future don't make sarky comments to people whose job it is to assess your mental health!

 

Well, the only thing I really know about suicide is it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Oddly enough, one of the people I heard that from was an aggressive crackhead that was depressed because he never had any money to pay his child support, which made his wife set in to motion legal action that kept him from seeing his daughter - because he spent all of his money on crack.
Regardless, sometimes people who willingly commit suicide believe they're suffering too much to recover. This could be due to mental illness or physical illness. In either case, that temporary problem could indeed last for the rest of that person's life, but due to the nature of being mortal, any problem incurred during a lifetime is, by nature, temporary.
I just think doctors are idiots.
"He knows how much of a certain benzodiazepine will kill him? He must want to die!"
Seriously, when people actually consider suicide, they normally go for the least painful route because pain brought them to that point in the first place. I know how much it hurts to be stabbed, because I was superficially injured by an ass with a knife. I also have to stab my fingers every day just to make sure I'm taking the right amount of insulin and eating properly.
Knowing my hobbies, my daily health care, and my history of personal injury, my mother already knew there was no way I was going to willingly drive my favorite kitchen utensil into my heart and bleed out. She actually confessed later that what she was really afraid of was that I'd go after her, because apparently she's been terrified of knives her whole life...which would explain why she haphazardly throws them into the sink against other metal utensils and destroys the blades, despite my and my father's reinforcements that a dull knife will actually make a more serious wound.
So, really, I had to spend 14 days in a psychiatric hospital and miss fucking Thanksgiving and pumpkin pie because my mom wanted me out of the house. I now live in New Hampshire.

 

It's not about the practical impossibility of killing yourself with those particular pills. It's about analysing the situation.

Spontaneously knowing the dosage required to kill specifically a person with your body mass means you've been doing research. Doing research means you were interested in this kind of knowledge. "And why would you be interested in this kind of knowledge", the doctors thought.

I'm not justifying their mistake and I sympathise with what you have been through. I'm just pointing out that perhaps the doctors already had experience with people behaving just like you shortly before attempting suicide, which could have been why they saw the need to act.

 

I don't know, I think that assessing the toxicity of any meds you're on is something most people would do. As I said it's just probably not a good idea to flaunt that knowledge to a healthcare professional.

 

Apology accepted if you can tell me if there's a book/sutra/books of sutras/teachings that the famous Buddha quotes are taken from. Alternatively, ytzk can exercise his genius IQ among us mortals and tell me what I need to know.

 

I can understand that, but I could just as easily have said I was going to overdose on chocolate or marijuana, both of which are pretty damn hard to do considering you need to entirely displace your mass with either of them or simply replace your blood with the active ingredient, and the doctors would have understood that I wasn't really going to do anything, because those aren't normally regarded as lethal substances. Xanax is more dangerous only because of the abuse potential of benzodiazepines - as far as toxicity goes it's relatively safe. The biggest reason I researched xanax is because it's used for anxiety. My symptoms tend to make me panic. When people panic, they make irrational decisions. I wanted to make sure one of those decisions wasn't to take a lethal dose during a panic attack and instead of just feeling like I was dying, actually die. Honestly, everything in the right amount is poisonous. Poison in the right amount is medicine. There's a neurotoxin produced by a specific nudibranch in Australian waters that was found to be 1,000 times more effective than morphine when taken at low enough dosages. Literally, pick your poison.

 

If you knew exactly how much chocolate is necessary to kill yourself, I would be tempted to send you to the looney bin, too.

 

So, instead of killing himself, Grossenschwamm has been posting spam?

 

How much spam does it take in order to kill yourself?

 

For an average male eating around 5kg straight of dark chocolate should be enough.

 

I wouldn't be saying that around any doctors if I were you.

 

Mainly because, for an average female, the sight of a man devouring 5kg of "her" chocolate would send her into a homicidal frenzy.

 

Condolences on the chaos, Gross, and welcome back.

Better luck for the future, bro.

 

That's just it, replacing your blood with anything that doesn't work like blood would kill you more efficiently than trying to overdose on pot, chocolate, or xanax. I get the impression that doctors are intimidated by people who know how their bodies will respond to things and given the context I dug my own grave.
However, medical doctors in psych units are complete idiots. I explicitly said I could not be sent to any hospital without an endocrinologist on staff. Guess where I was sent. The medical doctor, given his degree and possible 40 years of age between us, figured he knew more about how I would respond to insulin than I did, even though I've had diabetes for about 15 years, which is a 24 hour job. That qualifies me as an expert about 13 times over. My insulin regiment was too complicated (for him) and so he changed it without consulting me, which violated my patient's rights of being actively involved in my inpatient treatment plan. As soon as the changes were made, the only time I saw a bloodsugar lower than 200 was when I woke up anywhere between 3 and 5 in the morning, with a low. I averaged 275. Some of my glucose levels approached 400. I told my doctor the sliding scale being used needed to be increased, and he got in my face about why I was taking lantus twice a day because "lantus was designed to be taken once a day." Lantus works up to 24 hours at a time. For some people, it can be injected once a day. For me, it actually is metabolized completely within 18 hours, which is completely within expected reactions (however rare) after clinical testing as documented by the company who makes it. To keep me from not having a long acting maintenance insulin in my body for 6 hours, I take it twice a day so I've got an overlap.
He also made changes to how much of that insulin I would take that wouldn't even see results until after I had left his care, at which point I resumed my own routine and began fine tuning my coverage again.
Seriously, try telling a doctor who's been in practice for a few decades that you know more about your health care than he does even though he's not specialized to treat your condition. All those years of school tend to close a person's mind to anyone with less formal education and more personal life experience than them.
After 7 days of constant highs, I was told the doctor saw no need to alter my insulin levels because my blood glucose was adequate. An average of 275 is about a 10 on the A1C scale, I think. Whatever the case, for every full point above seven on that scale, on the long term, my probability of diabetic complications increases by 30%. When I actually have money, I'm getting his medical license revoked.

 

Was on the radio the other day when I was driving. People usually ask this Doctor guy some questions and the question was about how much chocolate dogs could eat and humans.

 

*Doctor Voice* Right. A doctor on the radio in your car. Can you wait here for a few minutes?

 

Triple J is the radio and the fellow in question is Doctor Karl.

 

Idiot.