So I met this new girl...

Oh, I'm bringing a wing man along. Hopefully he can keep the younger sister at bay while I put the moves on the older(and better looking) one.

 

Just bring a wing man uglier than you. I've fucked up a few people's nights by being more attractive than they were, it's not a pleasant thing. At least for them.

 

So it's not just me. After we left their house, my wing man asked me, "What did she say her name was? She was talking so fast I didn't catch it."

We had fun though, so whatever.

 

You're either queer or a virgin. Sex makes drama worth it!*


good sex, that is

 

You're both missing the real key. You need to develop a filtration ability, where your mind goes to a happy place whenever she starts talking and your consciousness takes notes. That way, five minutes later, you can recap, in your own thoughts, what transpired, keep any important information, and not actually have to actively listen to her.

 

I just think it's funny that, after starting a topic about a new girl, your first comment about her is that she's black.
I guess that makes me a bit of a racist...but, really, aren't we all?

 

The only reason it bears mentioning is that I've had very little serious interaction with black people in my life, and as much as we'd like to imagine this to be a magical place where blacks and whites are essentially the same, the fact of the matter is this: There is a pretty big cultural divide between the average white American and the average black American. I didn't make it that way, I just call it like I see it.

 

Stastically,* Black people test ten points lower than white. However, White people score about 15 points lower than asians.





*I miss-spelled it and am too lazy to look it up.

 

Neither. I'm married.

Haha. Good one......virgin.

Exactly. It's called listening for key words and can be a life saver. Although, it only really works for about the first year you're together. After that, she'll just feel even more scorned not because she thinks you're not listening to her, but because she can't catch you not listening to her when you rattle off everything she's said for the past 5 minutes without showing the right amount of sympathy she wants you to have.

 

That's why you dump her at the 11th month.

 

That one's easy. You tell her it's from the mood suppressing drugs you take to protect her from your tragic past. If it doesn't scare her away, it makes her want to help.

 

Fish used to have a +5 in Filtration, but he's been slacking off lately, so I had to beat him with a Febreeze bottle the other night.

So, what happened to the chick you were long-distancing in Iraq?

Also: A Church's chicken just opened up on base, we went to their Grand Opening, and all 20 employees were blackety black black black. Just saying.

 

You're lucky, the KFC near my house is run by mexicans, and they really just don't have the same love of their fried chicken.

 

Didn't work out. Long story.

 

Ahh, it's niceto see the age old art of foreplay is still being practiced.

 

i beat him with a shoe in vegas. he's been a bad boy recently.

 

Really? See, around here we have nothing but legal Mexicans, and no matter what kind of restaurant you go into, you see at least a few of them in the kitchen. The ones around here're all good cooks. ^_^

 

I draw the line after 2 degrees of cultural separation. If I walk into a Burger King and see a Mexican flipping my Whopper, ok fine. BUT, if go to one of those mall-food-court Chinese fast food joints and see a Mexican serving up my General Tso chicken, I ain't buying. You got a Mexican (1 degree) in America (2 degrees) serving Chinese food (3 degrees). That's too much.