So I met this new girl...

She's a black girl from South Carolina and she talks super fast. I don't process information very quickly. This could be a problem.

 

Weren't you sort of dating someone already? Because having two chicks is no good. Especially if both can speak.

 

I'm guessing the singing dildo in a box wasn't that good of a birthday present after all. Maybe this one is a little more...freaky deaky?

 

It's more 'talking' than 'dating' since she's in another state and still hasn't dumped her boyfriend. She'll be visiting me in a couple weeks, but in the mean time I've got my eyes peeled for better options. She says she's cool with that and I really don't care if that's true or not since she won't break up with her bf.

And no Grimm, this one shares my more conservative beliefs and values. You know, the kind of girl that would be a better long-term investment.

 

The same conservative beliefs that allow you to be in an open, interracial relationship based solely on sex since you can barely understand what she's talking about?

 

Closet liberal, eh?

 

Japes! A closet liberal?!? If this gets out they'll never let you fire machine guns indiscriminately out of a helicopter!

 

Yeah, about that... See, what he doesn't know won't make him want to burn us both to death. So naturally, she's kept him in the dark about the whole thing.

As for the language barrier, I'll just have to learn to catch the key points of what she says and filter out the rest. You know, pretty much what I do with other women, just faster. It'll keep me on my toes, right?

And in response to the wild accusations that I am a closet liberal, I say only this: I live life on the straight and narrow road. I just like to do a little off-roading every once in a while.

 

Hehe, you said 'in the dark.' Hehe, how apropos.

So you like to live on the straight and narrow and yet explore the the hills and dale in your 'quiet' time. Sounds more like you're closet bi-partisan.

 

Honestly, I think I just wanted to live wild and free a little bit after the strictly regimented lifestyle in Iraq. But I'm starting to settle back down. It was fun for a while, but the past three months have had way too much drama for my tastes.

 

Same reason I try not to fuck actresses.

Know what they same, you only go black once you're back from Iraq. I think, most of the words are the same anyway.

 

If you're anything like me, *any* drama is too much drama.

 

Women in general are just too much drama.

But it looks like he already figured that out.

 

So I called her last night to line up a date, and from what little I was able to catch, I'm going to her house tonight and her sister is cooking dinner. I think.

 

Can't you just tell her?

 

I somehow pictured you being stewed, and just because you didn't understand what she said!

Edit: Also... Her sister will be there? Either she's one naughty girl, or you don't stand a chance.

 

Keep it in the family Japes. Keep it in the family.