Smuel's good morning extravaganza

You've missed a whole lot of posts where I said how much I miss you.

Though now that you're actually here again, I'm obligated to denounce you thrice. I'll get right on that shortly.

In the meantime... good morning.

 

I missed you too, old bean. And, of course, thy mother.

I've always assumed that it went without saying that underneath all the wild neurodivergence and compensatory narcissism, I'm wishing you all well.

Fading away over the horizon with an Irish goodbye is, for me, a sign of affection. Likewise if I unfriend you on facebook. It's my way of saying I appreciate you enough to take my shit elsewhere.

Good morning.

 

Oh right, like how the other day I shouted "get the hell off my lawn" at a bunch of elementary school kids to let them know that I was happy to see them entertaining themselves on my otherwise unused property.

Good morning.

 

It's true, there's no real excuse except the usual ubiquitous childhood trauma hatching into a fear of intimacy.

Please accept my coldblooded microexpression of affection as the best I can manage.

If it helps assuage your sense of betrayal, rest assured I spend a good deal of my isolation trying to destroy the false self within. But it is a tenacious cunt.

Good morning.

 

Ner ner, my dad's microexpression of affection is bigger than your dad's!

Sorry, you were talking about childhood trauma?

Good morning.

 

I love you too, buddy.

 

Good Morning.

 

Did you know - the Spanish for biscuit is "doscuit".

Good morning.

 

Well a biscuit is either a cookie or a scone, depending on where you're from. And none of these things are cooked twice, despite what you might think "bis-cuit" or "dos-cuit" would indicate.

One time a friend of mine was reheating some biscuits (i.e. cookies) in an oven to make them crunchy again after they had gone stale. I joked that if they were biscuits to start with, that now they were "triscuits". Well, it turns out there was already something called Triscuits, and guess how many times those are cooked? Yep, only once.

So, in summary, this entire concept of naming things "N-cuit" is a giant red herring in any language.

Good morning.

 

What I've never understood is why ship's biscuits keep longer than raw flour. Surely they're basically the same from a weevil's point of view?

Good morning.

 

A moment of silence was held on r/ScaryBilbo.

A sad bad morning.

 

I can't lie to you about your chances but you have my sympathies.

 

I mean if you're going to post pictures of Ian Holm in the backroom of a men's only nightclub Ruda, at least mark it NSFW.

Good morning.

 

Good to see you are all still kickin!

Good morning.