Smuel's good morning extravaganza

Yeah, who would have guessed that Jojobobo does not resemble Jesus.

For verily, it is written, "Behold unto thy... " You guys will tell me if this schtick gets tiresome won't you.

Anyway, "Behold unto..." Oh really? Three posts ago? Weird, because I only started doing it two posts ago. But no, no, it's fine, I'll stop now.

For it is written, "Lo, shut the fuck up, Smuel."

Yeah, yeah, okay, stopping now.

Good morning.

 

Never change.

 

That guys got problems...

 

Yeah, his accent is all over the place. Pick a region, dammit!

Good morning.

 

Does anyone else find that the flavouring of corn chips (or tortilla chips or Doritos or whatever you want to call them) only lasts for the first couple of seconds of eating each one? I find that I put one in my mouth, and let's say it's BBQ flavoured, so I get a hit of BBQ flavour which quickly disappears as I chew the chip, until I'm chewing flavourless crunchy nothing. Repeat with the next one. Whereas with potato chips (or crisps to my brethren) the flavour lasts much longer.

Where I grew up we didn't have corn chips, so I was used to the flavour behaviour of potato chips. The first time I ever had a corn chip it was like "Hmm... interesting... oh it tastes of nothing now. That was weird, let's try another one. Yes this is ni… oh it tastes of nothing again." I quickly lost interest in corn chips and to this day I don't really understand why they are still a thing.

Does nobody know what I'm talking about?

Good morning.

 

Are we talking Nacho Cheese Doritos? Or Cool Ranch Doritos? Spicy Nacho? Salsa Verde? Spicy Sweet Chili? If it's the Nacho Cheese, then I can agree that the flavor is a bit ephemeral.

Here's the thing about corn chips Smuel: a corn chip is simply a crunchy vehicle for transporting other flavors into your mouth. Whether that be salsa, queso, bean dip, Doritos flavoring powder, or just plain salt. If you're not enjoying your corn chip, it's because that chip is not laden with the correct toppings. Step up your nacho game bro. Crank the mariachi music and begin to realize the potential of the humble tortilla chip.

 

Actually, now that I think about it, that's probably the explanation. If you imagine trying to dip a potato chip into guacamole, it wouldn't work at all. The chip would break apart immediately, because it's so much thinner. So a light dusting of flavour powder retains its presence when you eat a potato chip. But since a corn chip is more robust and has a lot more volume of chip, the flavour powder quickly becomes undetectable when mixed in with the whole chip rather than just sitting on the surface.

Mystery solved! If there even was a mystery to begin with, Japes only semi-acknowledged my initial beef.

Good morning, beef flavoured chip fans!

 

I guess everyone was checking the forum while they were bored at work. Now that we're all at home there are more interesting distractions available.

The end of T-A will surely go down in history as one of the worst consequences of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Good morning.

 

Thanks. I like the way he sneaks a Swedish one in the middle there. For those who don't know, "congratula-shown" is how they would pronounce it in Swedish. Although in some regions it's more like "congratula-fw-own".

Yeah, they're a weird bunch.

God morron.

 

Have you ever been in the bathroom at someone else's place and had to fight the urge to turn the toilet paper around so that it's hanging the right way, but then you don't because it's their right to be wrong in their own home and turning it around would make you seem like a petty asshole, but having said that, it is facing the wrong way, so... you know... they should be grateful to you for correcting their mistake, like maybe they were in a rush at the time and didn't realise they were putting it on the wrong way... but on the other hand... maybe it was deliberate and then it would just cause a fight, so you stand there conflicted for a while?

Asking for a friend.

Good morning.

 

What do you mean toilet paper hanging "the right way" round?

...only joking, I do have a soul. I used to move paper towels back when I worked in a lab the right way round. I can tell you now, it makes you a hit.

Good morning.

 

Oh, I definitely do that. Not sure we're talking about the same thing though, so I'll explain. In the bathrooms at work (you know, in ye olden days when people went into offices to work) they had paper towel dispensers which functioned by having a thin gap underneath, where the end of a paper towel would stick out, and when you pull down on the towel to extract it the towels were folded together in a certain way so that the end of the next one would be sticking out afterwards, and so on.

Quite often the cleaners wouldn't bother to refill the dispenser, they would just leave a stack of the paper towels next to the basin. And there are two possible orientations - one in which the flap of the top-most towel is able to hinge outwards towards you and hang there, and one where the crease is against the wall so that the flap always falls back down onto the top of the stack. When it's in the "hanging" position you can grab and pull the hanging flap and the stack operates as if it were in the dispenser, with the next towel's flap ending up hanging towards you, etc. If it's the other way around, the "wrong" way around I might add, then every time someone tries to grab a paper towel they have to fish around for purchase on the top, with wet fingers touching the stack, and end up pulling off several towels at once.

So I would always turn the stacks around if they were the wrong way. It never got me any funny looks though, possibly because I'm obviously the coolest person in the office who everyone aspires to be, but more likely because it's a relatively quick operation and everyone else was adhering to the male bathroom code of no eye contact, no acknowledgement.

And with that candidate for "most boring post on the forum", I bid you good morning.

 

What I wonder is, does anyone think flapping against the wall is the right way round?

Good morning.

 

You mom flaps against the wall when... no, that doesn't really work.

My dick flaps against the … no, that doesn't work either.

Come on, there's got to be one in there somewhere.

Your dad has a parrot that flaps its wings against the... no that's lame. FFS Smuel, get it together, you're losing your touch here.

So, um... well, Jojobobo, I think we all know that... you... flap... the wrong way around... against... walls. Yeah.

Look, it's been a long day, okay?

Good morning.

 

Well that's better than your mum... who laps the right way at my balls.

I mean, the material was right there.

Good morning.

 

Good morning.

 

Really Smuel, memes with mocking-SpongeBob text? Is that where you're at these days?

Have some decorum, this is a place of business.

Good morning.

 

A place of business...





FOR....






YOUR MOOOOOOOOM!






Good morning.