Smuel's good morning extravaganza

Speaking of Ari Aster movie trailer parodies... this.

You're welcome, and good morning!

 

No link? Do you expect us to type "Elizabeth Hurley instagram" into Google ourselves, like primitive savages? For shame.

Good morning.

 

Warning: that link is not safe for heterosexual males who reached puberty in the early 90s.

Good morning.

 

Got to love Indians on the internet.

 

Someone's maintaining r/ScaryBilbo (NSFW!), so all is right with the world.

Good morning.

 

Honestly, I think maintaining r/ScaryBilbo should be like the Terra-Arcanum version of the Night's Watch - but unlike the Night's Watch it's actually important.

If r/ScaryBilbo should ever fall into disuse, then it should be our oath-bound duty to maintain r/ScaryBilbo. And unlike the Night's Watch which was...

Spoiler

pretty much fucking useless after the Night King died

...I strongly think humanity will always need Scary Bilbo. I mean, I wouldn't enjoy photo-shopping Bilbo like that - but I would step up if I had to.

I would ask whether you're all agreed in this task, but as I'm sure you all appreciate the gravity and cultural significance of r/ScaryBilbo I don't want to demean any of you by asking the question.

Good morning, and now my watch begins...

 

Oh, I just got that. Clever.

Good morning.

 

How's the engagement coming along, Japes?

For that matter, how's the engagement coming along, Jojobobo?

Anyone else have any relationships or breakups we should know about? I need to know who to make fun of, and why.

Good morning.

 

I'm now earning decent enough money to start saving properly, so after a very long engagement I'll likely organise something in the next few years (though buying a house, etc., is still more of a priority). Overall though I have a large family and was previously intending to invite my 50+ cousins to a reception, I might have now both a low key wedding and reception to boot - I just can't be bothered with the effort of corralling so many people.

Is your slurry luring in any ladies Smuel? While I let that rather unpleasant double entendre settle in... Good morning.

 

No, but I'm currently cheating on my right hand with Dark Elf's right hand.

Sorry you had to find out this way, buddy.

Good morning.

 

The engagement is complete! I am now married, and have become a fully valued and respected member of society. My car insurance is cheaper.

Not just a little bit cheaper either, it's a surprisingly substantial amount. In fact, it's kind of insulting that they think I'm unable to avoid wrecking my car without having a wife to check my thrill-seeking behavior. It's 2019, I didn't think we were allowed to make distinctions based on gender/statistical facts anymore.

 

Congratulations Japes.