Smuel's good morning extravaganza

And good morning to you all.

 

So, you think you can just come here and post whenever you feel like it, do you?

I see.

Good morning.

 

Jeez DF, I told you never to post my identity online! MG dude!

And also Good Morning! And also this (the Spanish subs are for linguistic benefit, and also because I'm too lazy to find a better link).

 

Good morning and;

 

My prediction:

Within 50 years, jaywalking will be illegal in all major cities.

My reasoning is based on two main assumptions. The first is that self-driving cars will become widely adopted. The second is that human beings will continue to be self-absorbed assholes. I don't think either of these assumptions is much of a stretch.

Self-driving cars will only be successful if they have an impeccable safety record. The manufacturers know this, so they will err on the side of safety at all times. The result will be that self-driving cars will have both superlative pedestrian awareness, and an excess of caution. Once the vast majority of cars on the roads are self-driving, people will realise that there have been vanishingly few cases of pedestrian casualties, and so they will start to become bolder on the streets. They will cross the road without even bothering to look. At peak times they will treat the road as an extension of the sidewalk, and not even make way for the cars. After all, if a self driving car has to stop, who cares? The car itself won't care. The people inside the car might care if they were paying attention, but they will be on their laptops or watching a movie.

Eventually, governments will realise that if they ever want cars to move again, they'll have to make it illegal for pedestrians to walk on the road except at designated crossings.

The alternative is that all road markings, traffic lights, and barriers (including sidewalk ridges) will be removed, and the entire ground-level city surface will become a homogeneous area where both vehicles and humans can mingle as they like. This might work if pedestrians mainly cluster in certain places, and then the cars will learn to, for example, avoid Oxford Street on a Saturday afternoon.

So on reflection, I guess my revised prediction is that within 50 years, in any given major city, either jaywalking will be illegal, or there will be no such thing as a sidewalk.

Good morning.

 

My hobby: pretending I speak Spanish by saying "el" instead of "the", and then explaining that it's Spanish.

Example: Where is el bathroom? (That's Spanish for "Where is the bathroom?")

It gets funnier the more you do it, and it works for other languages too. You get bonus points if "the" isn't even appropriate for the sentence. You get double bonus points for things such as "I like to party at le weekend." (That's French for "I like to party at the weekend.")

La good morning. (That's Italian for "The good morning.")

 

Something like:

Le la Llorona feasts upon les cuillères dans le helgen (where they serve good mead).

I got it right? Bang on?

Good le morning.

 

The das house of Herren has a die der das feast in the wochenende (That is German for "The House of Lords has a party in the weekend")


God Moaning

 

I didn't think it was possible to mess up such a simple game, but I guess I underestimated le House of Lords.

(That's French for "I didn't think it was possible to mess up such a simple game, but I guess I underestimated the House of Lords.")

Good morning.

 

Good le morning.

It's cute that you think there will be any major cities in fifty years.

I only stopped doomsaying regularly because I figured it was more or less self-evident these days.

 

It's cute that in the face of civilization inconveniently continuing to exist, you have resorted to doomsaying while denying that you are doing it.

Good morning.

 

It grows less civilised by the day, old bean, but I concede megacities policing jaywalking with an instant sentence of fifteen years in the cube is a future I can believe in.

I only pretend to have slowed down my doomsaying, rather than stopped it altogether. Pretty soon all those crazies with THE END IS NIGH signs will be able to swap them out for one that says, I TOLD YOU SO.

Good morning.

 

You have a funny definition of civilised, my dear ancient legume. I have half a mind to create a custom Civilization mod for you, where the tech tree runs in reverse and you lose capabilities as you play the game, until you reach the ultimate ytzk utopia of stone tools and no commerce.

Good morning.

 

Bless your cotton socks, you know we are spiraling into a phase of industrialised incivility.

But yeah, I'd totally play that game.

You may mock, but, well, that's it. You may continue to mock.

"The little clown bestows upon his cruel and vulgar audience the saving grace of laughter."

Good morning.

 

Can that future become a reality a little quicker please?

 

Would sir prefer that served Sylvester Stallone flavoured, or Karl Urban flavoured?