Smuel's good morning extravaganza

From context I assume that's code for a sex act.

*high five*

Good morning.

 

Thesis submitted. Now, as is customary, I shall commence masturbating until my wrist bones are nought but dust.

Good morning!

 

Awesome Jobo!

 

Thanks, and at least for the next few weeks I can ceaselessly play Skyrim without feeling guilty.

Good morning.

 

I'm also going to play the shit out of Skyrim, in solidarity.

Good morning.

 

I decided to climb back into the cockpit after a long hiatus. CMDR Japes is back, plying the spaceways of Elite: Dangerous, hitting the space grind full tilt. There are dollar bills, cigarette butts, and women's undergarments floating around in an ever-thickening cloud in the zero-gravity of my ship's cabin.

Meanwhile, my IRL chores remain unfinished.

Good Morning.

 

Shouldn't that be Commander Japeson, son?

Good morning.

 

Also,

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/...-just-an-excuse-to-fanny-about-20170926136446

Good morning.

 

I'm on one of the doctoral training partnerships that the BBSRC (a biology research council) funds in the UK between three unis, and I'd say some of the research of my year group definitely falls in the fannying about category - I think someone in my group was doing a PhD on the water retentiveness of soil (like they'd literally pour water on soil from different areas, and then see how long it took to drain).

Unfortunately for me however, my supervisor has high standards, and while he wasn't so hands on during physical lab work allowing a degree of fannying about I've still had to write a fairly on point thesis. I should have gone for researching water retentiveness of soil, I guess.

With that lengthy explanation of, "No guys, I actually worked at least a little hard," out of the way, I think it's obvious I was both baited and triggered by Smuel's comment.

I bid you good morning!

 

It's all part of the service.

Good morning.

 

Okay, so you know hunger, right? You haven't eaten for a while, and then boom, you feel an urge to stuff food into the largest of your faceholes. Works well enough.

And then there's thirst. You haven't drunk anything recently, and so you get a dry feeling in that same facehole and a desire to swill some water into it pronto. Yep, sounds about right...

EXCEPT THATS NOT WHAT HAPPENS. Instead of getting thirsty, my dumb brain slowly starts to develop a headache. What the hell? Thirst is right there, programmed into me. USE IT, NUMBNUTS! But no, it makes FAR more sense to impair my cognitive functions for no good reason and then expect me to guess the cause. THANKS FOR NOTHING.

What's more, the times when I do get thirsty, it's basically unquenchable. I can drink pint after pint of water, and still feel thirsty. JESUS, GET IT TOGETHER, FLUID EQUILIBRIUM SYSTEM! It's not that difficult - if I've got too many electrolytes then filter them out through my kidneys, THATS WHAT THEY'RE FOR. If I don't have enough electrolytes, THEN MAKING ME THIRSTY ISN'T GOING TO FIX IT, MORON.

Ugh, it's like whoever designed the human body was just making it up as they went along.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Haha, Smuel has diabetes. Let us all join together in ribald mockery of his misfortune." But, no, I don't. I JUST HAVE A FUCKING IDIOT FOR A DEHYDRATION FEEDBACK MECHANISM.

Good morning.

 

I wouldn't say diabetes, but it sounds like your kidneys are exhausted, possibly from the coffee which quenches thirst and dehydrates at the same time.

In any case, ration some water, er, rationally, and stop shouting abuse at your instincts.

You never know, maybe your headaches have deep-seated emotional causes.

Good morning.

 

There once was a slut called "Your mum"
Who sucked cock 'til her kidneys went numb.
She went to the doctor
Who said, as he cocked her
"Sucking's fine, but don't swallow the cum."

 

That seems pretty out of line even for you Smuel.

 

You're right, I shouldn't imply that a medical professional would have sexual relations with a patient. I assure you it was purely for comedic purposes and does not represent my actual views.

Good morning.