Road Rage

Let's all share those moments of seething hatred of humanity, where you clench the steering wheel in rage because of something another driver has done.

I've had a bad couple of days behind the wheel. A day or so ago, I almost ended this garbage man's life. Stupid asshole... I was on a 2 way street, 2 lanes going in each direction. I'm on the rightmost lane which is clear, and to my left is a row of cars stopped waiting on someone turning left. So I'm cruising through, mindful of cars trying to jump into my lane. You know, generally being a good driver. Then all of a sudden, a garbage man COMES OUT OF NOWHERE between the stopped cars and walks right into my lane! I slammed on the brakes, shot a glance at my rear view mirror, praying that no one was going to rear-end me. And get this, instead of jumping back between the stopped cars, he took my panic breaking as a signal that he should run across while pulling his industrial sized garbage can. With my pulse pounding in my ears, I sat there sweating as he made his way across my lane, watching him scurry. As he passed my windshield he glanced in my direction and gave me one of those "woops, sorry!" smiles and a short wave. "Don't get cute with me, motherfucker, this isn't Frogger!" I would've said if he wasn't some big ass garbage man with tatoos and shit.

Minutes later, I'm cruising along on the same street. Same situation, different stop light. The cars to my left are stopped, waiting for the lead car to make his turn. My lane is clear, so I'm driving through even slower and more carefully than I normally would due to Mr. Suicidal Garbage Man. I'm paying careful attention to the turn signals of the cars on my left, thinking that some people who aren't turning would get impatient with the wait and try to jump in my lane. Ok, fine... No turn signals, I'm all set. I'm driving by, carefully, maybe 5 mph below the speed limit, and as soon as I get into this car's blind spot, she decides to jerk her car into my lane, running me onto the sidewalk. Thanks, bitch, I needed that. Thank you for keeping me on my toes by not signalling. It happened in almost slow motion, I was so convinced that we were going to collide. And here's the best part about the whole thing: She didn't even acknowledge what she'd done. No wave of the hand as if to say, "sorry that was my fault". Nothing. She didn't even know that she ran me off the road. It was then that I considered memorizing her license plate number and tracking down who she was so I could wreak slow, soul-crushing vengeance on her throughout the course of her life.

That was it for me. I had to pull over and find my safe place for awhile.

 

Great story Milhouse.

This little tale is something that didn't happen to me, but rather a family member. To avoid embarrassment, I won't mention names.

My great Uncle John, brother to my grandfather on my father's side, was known for two things. His temper, and his bad teeth. These two things will horribly come together in a moment. There came a day when Uncle John had to have several teeth pulled on his top jaw, and get false teeth, fitted on a retainer that he wore in the top of his mouth. Well, apparantly, on the way home from getting his orthondontia, he was cut-off by someone in traffic. Well, Uncle John's terrible temper just boiled, so he did a quick lane-change, and stomped the accelerator, to catch up with the guy. The offender was in the left lane, my uncle in the right. As Uncle John caught up with the car, he quickly rolled down his window, preparing to give the perp a royal chewing out. The cars lined up, John looked out his window, looked the guy right in the face, sucked in a lungful of air, and promptly spit his teeth out the window. That's whatcha call a shooooow-stopper.

Now, what I've always wandered is what the guy in the other car did after he saw such shit as this. I know I would've laughed my ass off, then probably stopped and helped him find his teeth, just to laugh at him some more.

 

Was out with my driving mom a few months ago and then suddenly this fucking dutchman was in the road driving 20 kilomoter per hour in a 18 sone taking pictures of the bloddy wood and he did not care that there was cars behind him.

 

Jesus Milo, that's a hell of a story. Here's what you do next time, get the dumb bitches license plate and find out where she lives. Then proceed to your nearest sporting goods store and purchase some "doe in heat" buck lure, also find yourself a syringe.(clean preferably) Along the window of her car you will see a rubber seal, insert your syringe filled with doe piss and squirt that shit all over her seat, steering wheel, etc. Giggle like a school girl as you scurry away to gloat over your revenge.

WARNING: DO NOT contaminate yourself or any personal effects with this horrible liquid, it takes forever to remove the smell! That, and it's a dead giveaway concerning your guilt should you be identified fleeing the scene and later captured.

As far as the trash man is concerned, fear not. People that stupid have a tendency to remove themselves from the gene pool with little or no help.

 

Here's a tale I'd like to share, everyone knows how cutthroat it can be trying to find parking at the mall, Walmart, etc. To aid in this process, the mental giants who designed these shopping mecca's, place oneway arrows directing traffic in the lanes. Yet there's always that one jackass who feels the rules don't apply to him. After about 20 minutes of searching, I see a spot near the end of the lane. When I'm about 10 feet away this moron guns it from the main drag, nearly taking out a pedestrian, and lurches into the spot from the wrong direction. To make the turn into any of the given stalls is simple, provided you come from the right direction and hell if you don't. Needless to say, I waited for this guy to properly align his car for what seemed like an hour. And to make matters worse, this jagoff was giving me dirty looks because I wouldn't back up to give him room to maneuver. (I couldn't anyway because of the traffic behind me) To add to my foul mood, I was just recovering from a nasty cold. I capitalized on the excess snot to form a giant hocker while I waited for this prick to park. On the way past I deposited it neatly on the back windshield. It was about 25 degrees that day, and I hoped it would freeze before he caught it.

 

Even better than doe piss, Darkwalker, is to open up the tyre valves and pour some liquid chlorine in there. Sooner than later, that tyre will blow out. Ooops.

Luckily for me, I haven't experienced any significant road rage incidents, although I do get pissed off on a regular basis at people who park on the side of the road, taking up nearly an entire lane of a 2 way street, forcing you to practically drive in the wrong lane to avoid hitting their car. What pisses me off even more is people doing the same on the opposite side of the road. It's even worse when it's done at the top of a hill. I hate those people.

 

I drove a two lanes each way road with speed limit of 110km/h It was almost empty so I drove 160. Then I saw a truck on the right lane and a really loaded old car behind it (it was so down on its wheels it nearly touched the ground). I don't know why but I suspected that car would try to overtake the truck so I slowed down a bit to some 150. After all it was a clear day I was very well visible (for people who know what mirrors are for at least). And so I drove. When I was almost passing that car motherfucker drove onto my lane. Of course it was so loaded and old it couldn't really speed up so there I was punching the horn, cursing like crazy and pressing down the break. Fortunately, even thoguh it seemed impossible I managed to slow down to 80 which was that car's speed. God damn motherfucker I'd really like to beat him into a bloody pulp.

On the same road I was passing a truck and ahead of us some cars wanted to drive onto this road so that truck driver was so kind for them that he wanted to change to left lane. Unfortunately I was on it. Bloody horn didn't work at first so I thought I'd end up smashed into the barrier which separates those two-lanes streets. Fortunately the horn worked after all.

Again on the same street I saw a man with 5 kids crossing it. Crossing it is against the rules and he did so with small kids. I was quite a ways off but he's a damn assholw nevertheless.

I really should have one of those James Bond's cars. With guns, rockets and whatnot. Or preferably a disintegrator so there wouldn't be junk left on the road.

 

Thank God I don't live in Poland, with the likes of Dragoon on the roads. Wow. Where I'm from, the pedestrian always has the right of way. Some states it's the law, most at least do it outta courtesy.

 

Perhaps I didn't make it clear enough.The road which I wrote about has an "express read" status" Cars are allowed to drive on it faster than on any other road but highway. Because of this safety measured had to be applied. Hence you cna't reverse on this road, stop (unless your car breaks down of course) and cross it. It is so for the safety of pedestrians. Imagine you saw a moron with 5 kids crossing a multi-lane highway with cars zooming past him.

 

Gosh. I've never heard of those kinda roads. Every road over here you can cross. And farmers with canes and goats and cattle do, quite frequently.

And most states over here you can't go but a certain speed on. Or else the big state trooper will pull you over and tell you "Step outta the car, please." and "Drop your trousers, please." at which point they insert a big black nightstick in your arse, claiming they are searching for drugs.

 

Now that's something that would definitely stop me from speeding. Btw I now understand why so many people escape from cops in us even when they commited a minor offense.

 

I was shocked by that whole 160 km/h in a 110 km/h zone thing, until I realised the post was by Dragoon, and therefore in Poland. I hope I never go driving there . Over here, pedestrians have right of way at proper crossings, but you'd still get your ass sued off if they ran across the highway (which they aren't supposed to be on) and you hit them.

Speeding is seriously one of the stupidest things you can do on the road in my opinion. It's like playing russian roulette with multiple guns. Semi-automatic ones.

 

Yeah, and if you get caught by the cops, well, it's "Hello Mr. Nightstick."

 

I don't drive, so motorists are the enemy as far as I'm concerned. From a pedestrian's eye view, driver so many ludicrously dangerous and obstructive things, just to get from A to B a little faster. One day I'm going to pull one of them out the car introduce them to the tennets of my Cult of Militant Pedestrianism.

 

Same here, that's why it's so goddamn annoying. Someone literally walks under your car giving you no chance to avoind accident and you still end up in court with high chance to get convicted.

It's really hard for me to understand why people from some countries consider speeding such a bad thing. When it's done reasonably it's all right with me (yes imo you have to know how to exceed speed in a relatively safe manner so to speak). And Jar that 160 was not my fault - the damn car wouldn't go faster.

On a related note I heard that special car "black boxes" are available. They not only monitor the way you drive but also make unbearable sound when you break the rules - regardless of how loud your radio is they will still get louder. I just wonder how these things "know" that you're above the speed limit since it is not the same everywhere.

 

I have a theory regarding a large proportion of all those dangerous, aggressive drivers (who aren't in expensive sport cars) - off-duty bus drivers. I don't know about where you guys live, but in Brisbane, these guys are the bane of the road. They tailgate, they switch lanes randomly, usually without indicating, and you'd better start praying if they pull out into traffic ahead of you.

The fact that I ride these monstrosities regularly does nothing to ease my fears. It makes them all worse, and probably what led to my theory in the first place.

 

160km/h, Dragoon?! What's that in a measurement that I can understand? Upwards of 100mph? I'll check next time I'm in my car... But if that's correct, you're insane driving that fast, man. Or you have some ultra-high performance vehicle. I'm in a Honda and when I hit 80mph on the freeway (certain open stretches and by accident) I just feel unsafe. Like a gust of wind could send me swerving out of control, ultimately causing me to overcorrect and flip my car, sending me cartwheeling across the freeway like a japanese 4-door death wave.

Anyway, I have another one to add. People that feel they don't have to concentrate on the road. I'm not talking about generally bad drivers that aren't aware of their surroundings, though I hate them, too. I have a whole seperate fountain of rage bubbling for the ones who apply makeup while driving on the freeway. Or the ones who are chatting on the cell while constantly swerving in and out of their lane going 5-10mph below the speed limit. Oh boy! I'm behind this death mobile and I can't pass because this fool is likely to swerve into me while passing.

Another one that slowly adds to my rage a little bit everyday until I'M ABOUT TO BREAK are the people that are jumpy on the brakes. It drives me nuts when people can't flow smoothly with traffic. They speed up, they stop short. They speed up, they stop short. A prime example of this is old people. Yeah, that's a stereotype, but right or wrong, I groan when an old fart gets in front of me in traffic. Right when I see the wrinkled forehead in the rear view pull into my lane, I just know that I can look forward to panic brakes in the middle of the street for no reason, as though they noticed they were approaching the speed limit and had to slow down immediately, RIGHT THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. Or they slam their brakes anytime the car in front of them brakes, no matter how gradually, and no matter how much space is between them.

Goddammit... where's my bicycle?

 

Silly Yankee doesn't know metric system, hee hee. IIRC your 1 mile is 1.6kilometer so that makes about 100miles. The car I drove at that time was VW Golf III combi. It had wide wheels great breaks, the road was empty and dry. Now it still might seem very fast but to tell the truth the first time I managed 170km/h in that car I thought my heart would jump out of my chest. Next week after that I thought "Why the hell am I driving so slowly?" When I looked at speed meter it was 170 - funny how relative it is. The best I got out of that car was 183km downhill. Now I no longer drive so fast. Firstly we don't have that car anymore. Now we have 10yr old Opel Astra Classic with shitty "universla" wheels (to be suitable for both winter&summer which literally makes them unsuitable for any season). Secondly fuel prices are insane - almost 90cents for a litre with 70% of the price being a fucking tax (liter is about 1/5th or 1/6th of a gallon iirc). Finally I don't drive too often so it would be stupid to assume I'm as good a driver as I were while driving more or less reguralry.

As for the worst drivers (generalising of course): people who drive their employer's cars - all those mini vans, trucks and other shit. 99% of them should be locked up. And since I had my trunk tuned up at an intersection by such a truck I hate it when someone drive to close behind me and does not break fluently.

 

I don't have a driver's license, but I do have to share the road with those who somehow managed to get one. I bike to school every day. Today was fun:

I was riding my bike down a nice, big hill when I got stopped at the light at the bottom. (Bastards. Who puts a light at the BOTTOM of a hill? Especially between TWO hills? Anyway.) So I sit around until the light turns, and start busily pedaling up the hill to the next light, which is about fifty feet further. There's a turning lane at this light, with a handy extra traffic light to tell the people in it when it won't kill the bikers to do a left turn, but the person who was in this lane (stopped, I might add) decided to ignore this. I'm doing that wierd chicken-walk thing people do on bikes when they're in high gear going uphill, and about halfway across the intersection, when the lady driving decides to take the turn. Her sideview mirror clips the front of my handlebar, twisting the front wheel suddenly to the right (downhill), and the weight of my twenty-pound backpack strapped to on the rack above the back wheel throws the whole bike out of balance. Now, at this point I'm dangerously close to speeding drivers on both sides, and I'm about to be thrown onto the pavement, which is not a good place to be; so, ignoring the fact that the crazy lady in the minivan (which is long gone. Bitch.) has cause my front wheel to twist around 180 degrees, and that my seat has suddenly been twisted around 90 degrees, I sit on the crossbar, take my feet off the pedals, and lean to the right, coasting to the dubious safety of some random guy's hedges.

Of course, no one even slowed down or noticed, and the crazy lady in the minivan is long gone. After a few minutes, I fix my seat and handlebars and climb back on; but instead of going down the bike lane in the street, I continue on the sidewalk.

Anyone who has ever rode a bike on a sidewalk knows how bitchy pedestrians can be when a biker comes up behind them and asks them to move over. And it's loads of fun creeping along at the speed of the lurching old man who can't be bothered to pick a side.

The only people I passed, fortunately, where a couple of college students holding hands. From behind, it looked like they were skipping or something. I get up fairly close behind them and cough. The guy steps to one side, pulling the girl with him over, and nods; but the girl curls her lip and tells me that the sidewalk is for pedestrians, thankyouverymuch, and I should get the hell back out on the road.

In conclusion, people suck.