Life Without the Internet

Before you jump to conclusions and start thinking I'm a technophile that can't go a few measley months without my ever watching eye on the world, vis a vis my keyboard and monitor combo, you're absolutely right. I have net withdrawal, and much like a recovering alcoholic, I tried to simply put it out of my mind at first, and eventually got to the point where I could deny myself the web...but I secretly pined for it as I watched television or read books, or even as I drew.
Why? Pornography. I'm not dressing this down, not on this forum. Being single, porn is a staple of my diet, as much as potatoes were a staple of Ireland. Without new porn I grew bored, and angry. Fear and jealousy clouded my mind; fear that I'd never see fresh porn again, and jealousy of my friends that still had access to boobs. Sure, you can dress up your true feelings with a smile, maybe some illicit activities...but in your heart, you know that you'd put yourself in their place at least once (every few days), and damn them for having the net in the first place.
I soon discovered that I hate going to videostores. Eyeing each dvd, poring over each one, trying to gather as much information as I could before I made the final decision, before I decided, "Yep, you're coming home with me."
I don't know if it's the atmosphere of the store, the knowledge that the clerk behind the counter has every right to assume that there's just one thing you do with porn, or that I simply take such a long time to choose my quarry. Whatever it is, it's made me hate the fact that I have to go to the back room at 48 hours video.
Anyone else feel the sting of stale porn recently?

 

This will eventually go stale.

 

That's going to have a ripple effect onto those of us across the pond, I think. I think they're going to be hunting the music, movie, and computer game pirates more than the pron pirates. Hopefully.

 

I think teenagers have it way to easy when it comes to porn. All they have to do is type the damn word in and BAM... all the porn their little hearts desire. I hate to sound like an old man, but back in my day you had to try really hard to find porn. If you were lucky your dad or one of your friends dad would own a stash that you could look at when they left.

Teen's nowadays have no idea about how we had to stare at a scrambled porn channel for hours and pray that the connection would come in for 10 seconds just long enough to see a boob or something that looked like one.

Nobody jerks off to Victoria Secret catalogues anymore. What's the point when you have the Internet.

Or the real passage into manhood. When you have to buckle your belt, steel your nerves, and walk behind that curtain to rent an adult film. Then the biggest hurdle of all... actually handing it to the clerk and renting it. And it's 10x harder (no pun intended) if the clerk is a female.

Porn can lose its interest if it's to easy to get. Cake is delicious, but if you eat it everyday it begins to lose its appeal.

 

Aww... You guys really had it hard. When I was a child (like 1996's+), almost every TV channel would be broadcasting porn after midnight. And the only censor was a red dot at the top left of the screen. =)

Now we can't even hear "appraising mention of alcohol" though.

 

Delicious cake is delicious, unless the cake is a lie.

Regardless, I'm probably among the last Britons to have been through the rite of passage, and that's only because my parents were always too cheap to get cable, and stayed up too late for me to get away with watching anything good on terrestrial television.

I am something of a hard-faced bastard though, and buying the few things I did went by quite nicely. To this day I'm quite sure the clerk-ess sold pornography to a thirteen year old only to avoid her own embarrassment.

 

I dunno. I think cake and masturbation are on two different levels. Especially since, if I ate cake four times a day, I think I'd explode.

 

*snicker* I can so see that happening. 'Buh-wha? How... old is... he can't possibly be as young as he looks... no way... Oh, I'll just sell it to him, it's easier than actually asking...'

The cake is not a lie. The cake is a bomb. (And if you know where that's from, I am IMPRESSED.)

 

It sure is.

Ah, analogous cake.
That's true, because I lose interest in my 'cake' the more I try to 'eat'.
Just kidding, mine was baked in a bottomless mold.

I honestly think renting or buying porn is worse when the clerk is an ugly female. Not sure why. I'm perfectly at ease going into the specialty shops near town that have reasonably attractive staff...then again, I don't buy porn in those shops. They sell smoking accoutrements and cleaning supplies. If the videostore had an attractive female clerk I might actually find out if my fear is superficial.
But, on the subject of stores selling blue items, has anyone else noticed that the women who shop there just walk around browsing and remarking how cute things look? Guys just go in and make a beeline for their product(s) of choice, and the women (all over 50) seem to giggle their way around the shop, hardly ever choosing anything, merely pointing and laughing at the oversized dongs like a bunch of teenage boys. Is the older female population really that repressed?

 

They're there their first/one of their first times. They come because of curiosity and are perplexed with what they see and they try to hide it with giggle. They could propably become accustomed with the items and become an actual customer if not for the fact that they won't return. Such shops are strongly male-oriented, while the casual women feels awkward in one.

 

DUDE!!! You too? Holy crap, Victoria's Secret was the cause of many a chafing for me.

 

A few years ago, that'd have rattled me as well. These days I could do that in smug mode.

 

No magazines for me. I went from Victoria's Secret straight to the internet. I just remember how frustrating it was, what with all of the pages and the flipping and the sweating...and then the connection sounds of the good old 28.8 kps modem.
Being a frustrated teen was never easier, and I didn't even have to try talking to girls until I was 16 because of that. Kids around me, even friends, had girlfriends that came and went, but all I needed was electricity and an active phone line. Screw puritan morals, porn is good for kids.
Getting a magazine nowadays might be easier, but I just don't like turning pages with my right hand...I'm such an anal (retentive) lefty. The downside is I don't like staring at static images unless they have text (i.e. the classic comic book), so porn mags are out for me. Who ever heard of a good porn mag with speech bubbles?

 

The Japanese, probably. They've heard of everything else perverted and twisted.

 

I'll share my pornographic evolution, since it strikes me as on topic and amusing.

• 
  JcPenney's Junior Section
  Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition
  one pilfered Frederick's of Hollywood. THAT was the major leagues for me.
  dirty pixelated pictures stored on floppy drives.
  Short videos from Kazaa.
  Torrents.

Current Porn collection 40+ gb

 

Did you have to make a list. Now Arthgon is going to get a hard on and ejaculate his lists all over this thread.

 

At least mine is a list of my own creation, and not of assigning things upon others?

 

No, I have just stopped with making lists.