I'm not sure how to feel about this...

As Frigo pointed out a few years back, it's more cost effective to sleep with hookers than to date non-hookers, because paying for sex directly is cheaper than being a presentable sexual partner, i.e. paying for dinner, making the house presentable, everything else that spells out "I'm not the kind of guy who directly pays for sex."

Now, if he's doing both - much less cost effective.

Porn can be cheaper than all of the above, and comes with less risk (can be 0%) of std's unless you like to wrestle on mats with the herpes simplex virus on them (like a former friend of mine). Long story short, an infected person broke a cold sore or two on the mat during practice, and his face got pressed into it. Face herpes. If he was to scratch his face, not wash his hands, and then jack off, he'd get genital herpes. Personal hygiene is a must, but especially when masturbating.

Drog, you'll have to stick with a penis metaphor that fits your alleged size - whistle is less than flattering. Piccolo is still bad, but is better. Flute is the standard, oboe is large and sax is monstrous.

You could say she's skilled in woodwinds by how well she plays your skin-(choose metaphor).

 

Sadly, a lot of women lack the lung capacity to play my Alphorn.

 

what does lung capacity have to do with it?

 

The clue is in the word "blow".

 

Smuel is referring to fellatio, pejoratively known as a blowjob.

 

Ha, it's funny because that's obviously what he meant. I like your style, Captain Obvious.

 

Shit. I should've thought of that.

 

Alphorns are technically brass instruments due to how they're played. Look up the contrabass saxophone to see how a sax can always be monstrous.

Also, a genuine thank you to Captain Obvious.

EDIT: Spelling. I'm done trying to post here on my "smart" phone. Also, woodwinds.