I Promised Teeth, So Here You Go

You should have made this sign to ward me off.

They wasted so much of my money as a kid.

 

I maintain my stance that the best movie Depp has ever starred in is Once Upon a Time in Mexico.

 

Was that the movie with that special gun that fired with love? About a courier and his girlfriend and some mafia?

I watched that movie quite some time ago, I believe.

 

The movie you are thinking of is The Mexican with Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt which sucked.

My favorite part in Once Upon a Time in Mexico is when the guards have their little discussion on torture.

 

Hey, um, well, how to phrase it. Too late.
This film is both good and shitty. I can't decide if those 90 minutes was wasted or wisely spend. Oh well.
One thing is sure, only after (or while) watching the film one can fully appreciate your hilarous comments.
Here are my few thoughts about a film abusing the classic "Dumm-dumm-DUUMM!" thriller sound and coming from a world that all people talk/think/care about is sex, sex and, of course, sex.

OK so the rest of the post will be full of spoilers. Like anyone cares.

That was so very related to the whole film, wasn't it? I'd really like to see a cell with so smooth karate moves. I bet it would be worth a Nobel prize.

That is a perfect example of how we make stupid people! Knowledge is for pussies!

I though he was just playing dumb (What other choice would he have? Telling the truth? "So yeah when I was six I sticked my finger in my sister's vagina and she bit it off with it!") but judging by the whole film he obviously had a severe case of amnesia.

Ah yes, the movie. The "Where's the arroyo bridge" was a interesting suprise. And then this something-like-a-radscorpion. I'm beginning to wonder if this film exists and if someone from Interplay watched it in his young days.

I had a hard time trying to guess if those boobs were his or her.

I'm still not sure.

Not even the hair makes me certain.

You are trying to find logic in a young brainwashed Christian pro-virginity female zombie's actions. Ease your efforts, for they are searching for the non-existing.

The "I love you. I love your ass." was one of the best declarations of love I ever heard.

"I haven't even jerked off since Easter!" - the greatest reason for rape ever.

Yummy at last.

It she would be calm doing it, she would both do it more efficiently. Why so chaotic? Silly bitch.

Those brainwashed kiddies would make uncle Satan so so very proud.

unch: "If you want any more of that, you can come by and see us again, yeah?"
What was said and how was it said made me actually laugh out loud.

Just why the hell did she scream? What... what was the point of that scream? What did she wanted to achieve? ...why am I even searcing logic in such actions...
But never mind thank, look at the crab. Aww, I think the little fella is humping teh cock. =3

She did it wrong. That scene demanded a volcano.

I just fucking love how Dawn was highly shocked when she saw the illustration of the "privates" for the first time. "Christ, Don't they have Internets?", I thought, and a second later she was using them. She knows how to search for encyclopedic info, yet lacks the ability to simply look up some anatomy pics and/or Wikipedia articles? Yeah, that's fine, it doesn't mean that she's retarded, no way.

I too, when having my fingers bitten off, like to shout out loud medical terms instead of trying to control the bleeding.

My guess was that while falling he hit a rock and died/got unconcious and drowned, being quicker than the blood loss. Not that it really matters, no sane person would expect him to be alive anyway.

"...and lots of Native Americaaans!" - somehow I can't prevent myself from laughing every time I hear that part. It's just like listening to Beowulf's titles.

Lighting some candles would be the first thing anyone would do when inviting a freaked out girl claiming to be a murderer.

He sounded Like Michael Jackson, actually.

KEEP IT COMMING!!

If you'd ask me, the mother's hand was moving in a way requiring her to be alive. Blame poor corpse acting.

They all deserve to die! Tell you why, Mrs Xiao, tell you why!

Well that had to be very practical and comfortable. I bet he feels much better after it was bitten off. Should be thanful.

Three cocks and four fingers (+ one fingertop). one of the stranges lists of film victims I have yet encountered.

EDIT:
A friggin' horde of typos. Damn I shouldn't be writing such long posts while nearly being asleep.

 

Mine would have to be Johnny Depp's line:
"Are you a Mexican, or a Mexicant?"

 

I prefer the whole cook-shooting business.

 

Oh Muro, you share my pain (and confusion).

Teeth may possibly be the least subtle film I have ever seen, and my bloody parents made me watch Care Bears as a kid.

 

They made you? What kind of an act of sadism is that!?

 

The kind that sent me running so far in the opposite direction I discovered Sci-Fi, Fantasy and D&D.

 

The way you put it makes me think I should force my future offspring to watch Care Bears for their own good. Now isn't life perverse.

 

Speaking of genitalia themed horror movies... I just watched a movie called One Eyed Monster starring Ron Jeremy. It's not even a porno. It's a B flick in which Mr. Jeremy gets hit with a beam of light while starring at the sky during a break from the porn movie he's starring in and his penis seperates from his body and starts killing the cast. Classic.

A good chaser for this film would have to be Attack of the Killer Condom. Look for it at your local Troma video store.

 

Wait, WHAT? Ron... Jeremy's... cock kills people?

I'm torn between twitching in a confused ball on the floor or making a 'well, DUH' comment.

 

I actually laught out loud when I heard that. Frankly, is there anything Ron Jeremy's johnson didn't yet do?

 

With Xiao and Muro's reactions to the film I'm torn between watching the film out of macabre fascnation and running away as far as possible if I ever see the film in a shop

Is that Jeff Wayne's musical version of The War of the Worlds?

With Richard Burton, Phil Lynott, David Essex, and a few other names that escape me at this moment in time. Lynott being parson Nathaniel

I'm going to have to go find the cds now

 

Parson Nathaniel may be one of my all-time favourite ANYTHINGS. It's surprisingly heart-wrenching.

And yeah, it's the 1978 Jeff Waynes musical version. Eve of the War is fucking EPIC.

 

I only managed to find it this morning, my favourite parts are Spirit of Man followed by The Eve of War, Thunder Child and Brave New World

I like how in Spirit of Man where Beth reins Nathaniel's part back with a chorus with him offering the small emphasising denials to each of her lines at one point, but Nathaniel's verses are most definitely my favourites

 

It's the distorted 'Oh Lord' before his first verse that makes my skin crawl. Dunno why, it just... gets to me, I guess.