I am impulsive

Inspired as I am by my new desktop theme I am seriously tempted to order a monocle, knowing I will never use it save perhaps for staging a photo to adorn my Facebook profile like a royal douchebag.

Perhaps I shall simply make myself a cup of Earl Grey and allow for the excitement to pass?

 

If it is a great responsibility, according to Spiderman logic it ships with great power. Now how could I possibly resist that?

 

Since I have developed a mild OCD concerning the stove wherein I usually have to reenter my apartment right after leaving it to check if the hotplates are turned off, I suppose I must reply in the affirmative.

 

Alas, that monocle is not fitted with a gallery, making it more difficult to wear, or so I hear.

The only way to make that happen is to cut the ligaments that keep part of your package inside your body, a procedure which carries a very real risk of impotence.

 

My impulse has been thwarted by the Historical Emporium's ordering system - apparently there is a communication problem between my bank and theirs, most likely caused by the beautiful three letters at the end of any proper alphabet the Anglophones for some inconceivable reason never assigned to theirs.

Perhaps it will work if I change my payment method to Paypal, but procrastination demands that I cannot be bothered with that right now.

 

My beard is already fantastic, especially now that I've finally trimmed it (the fans need not worry, it can still win the war on its own).

Anyway, I just wanted it to be known that I've ordered the monocle and a matching pocket watch to go with it. Expect pictures when the stuff arrives.

 

My eyes are both equally pathetic, so if I ever get to actually wearing the damn thing I will use contact lenses. The monocle is a theatrical piece only, it doesn't affect sight.

 

Disney taught me through Pocahontas that the best way to kill Indians is to aim with both eyes open. Best thing I ever learned from that movie.