How much your hatred gives me sweet dirty pleasure :D

Naw, he'll never get that far. 'Cause I've probably already killed and cooked him by then.

 

OK, Ninja Brahmin. Considering that it's a hypothetical dinner party with you as my only guest, the fact that you'd even show up is a testament to my own benevolence. If it ever came down to me swinging a femur-chopper towards the base of your skull, it would only be as a direct result of a severe breach in etiquette on your part. I can't have my house guests regurgitate their meal, to make it easier to digest, on the table.
Besides, how can you kill and cook me while you're thowing up on my fine china?

 

Now why would I be throwing up?

And, as you just mentioned yourself, I am in fact a Ninja. That means I can dodge just about everything, even a meat cleaver going for my neck at a very close distance. Then, in a matter of a split second, I'll fill your back with kunais and shurikens and whatever Ninja tools I prefer to do so with. Then, I'll cook and eat you, just for the fun of it.

NOTE:
Even if you do take one of my heads of, I'm a Brahmin. With that said, I have two heads and don't necessarily die from losing one of them.

 

Exactly. You're a cow, prone to mastication and regurgitation. Several times over. Through two heads, no less (which makes me wonder if they think in unison or have independant thoughts). Despite your prowess as a ninja, your set of stomachs will inhibit any performing of jutsu.
Example;

"My word, Grossenschwamm! Such a delicious meal you've made for me! Be forewarned, for I must vomit and re-consume the meal so that it properly works its way through my shit-maker."
*Vomit*
*Chew chew chew*

"That was my grandmother's china!"

*Ka-chop*

Also, you'd need to be wearing some sort of lead apron (one big enough to fit a cow...it might slow you down) to protect yourself from my body's emission of gamma radiation. Otherwise, you'd just get cancer, and that's no fun for anyone.

But, honestly, we can shit-ball hypothetical supper-time murders all we want. I'd never simply kill a dinner guest; Blood is much too hard to wash out of a silk tapestry. I would hope you share the same sentiments and not kill me, thereby ruining such a beautious decoration:

 

Hard to ninja through blocks of ice.

 

Not really, no. Ever seem them old asian buggers headbutting through 50 blocks of ice? They're not even ninja.

And, Gross, I do not vomit. With me being a Brahmin, I can't go about vomiting and re-chewing everything, 'cause I eat meat as well. And re-chewing meat wouldn't do any good for me, would it? Then again, even if I did vomit, I'd still dodge the cleaver. I'd use the Kawarimi-Ninjutsu and get out of harms way within the blinks of an eye.

And your radiaton is not a problem. I'll just shield it away with a little chakra, and then I'll do just fine.

 

I don't freeze rooms in neatly ordered blocks. It's kind of a sudden drop in kinetic temperature followed by the solidification of suspended liquids and the rapid cooling of gaseous molecules. This makes ninja move very slowly, as if succumbing to hypothermia. Ironically, many ninjas die of hypothermia.

 

I wouldn't bother explaining it. If his chakra can divert lethal doses of gamma rays, who's to say it can't increase the ambient kinetic energy in the air surrounding his body?

 

every time a thread devolves into one of these imaginary pissing matches i feel like i've stumbled into a dali painting...

 

Oh you wait until Wolfs ninja spiders come in to it.

 

Still, he'll be burning off chakra just for the dubious honor of living long enough to get within arm's reach of me. Not exactly like winning the powerball.