Happy Australia Day

That's right mofo's, It's Aus day & you know what that mean's. There's going to be drunken hordes of aussies roaming the street's looking for beer. If you happen to see any aussies give them a hug & beer. Preferably beer then a hug... or just beer.... you know, whatever.

 

That's a lovely little red cross DE. shakes head dipshit.

 

And what the furk are you doing poking your dip in nobodies shit? That's my turf, bitch. Back off.

 

Way-hay! Happy Australia Day!!

Oh wait... I've been awake for so long... the sun's come back up again and is setting again... ah.

--PIper

 

Tourists Questions for Australia.

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna BoysChoir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy).
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

 

It's always nice to see people ripping on not *just* Americans for world knowledge stupidity. For once.

 

Yes, there are stupidity targets all over the world.

Thou you have to admit that both USA and France make pretty easy targets.

 

That's because we're the quickest to say what we think, regardless of how much thinking was involved beforehand.


For example, a little while ago, France was pissed at the US because Jim Morrison's body was buried in one of their cemeteries.
"Take your trash off our shores!" they said.
It seems that France forgot how much we bailed them out in WW2, so the least they could do is allow a legend like Morrison rest in peace...
But what do I know, I'm just an American.

However, as sarcastic as my previous sentence was, I really can't defend what stupid people will say when they live in this country, either. Every nation has a large amount of idiots; the main difference is that a lot of the nations that will criticize the US have much better educational systems than we do. Basically, their stupidity is "less severe" because their test cores are higher. I guess that's what happens when public schools aren't funded as a governmental monopoly.

 

All that does is make their stupidity more articulate, and more cognizant of geography.

 

We're easy targets? Excuse me? You're right next to SWEDEN! They're almost as bad as the Polish, and still a step or two below us!

 

Yet almost makes a difference.

 

Some insignificant micronation, I suppose

 

The Baltic Sea?

 

His display picture always causes me to confuse him with Xz. Whom I think changed his username to Xz. Though I could be mistaken.

 

Xz?
Remind me where you're from, please?