FREE FOOD FOR ALL! I devised a grand scheme. I know the solution to feed the poor, and anyone who can not afford it! From now on, you shall pay me a certain percentage of your wage every month. In exchange, I shall provide you with FREE food. Of course, you need to observe a few of my rules, since I know what is better for you. * You shall pay the money directly to me * I can change at any time, even retroactively, the rate you pay each month * I shall inspect the budget * I shall determine what you are allowed to eat * If there is a cheaper meal, you must take it instead of the more expensive one * I am permitted to manipulate prices * If I find a food to be too expensive, I shall not pay * If you turn out to be a big eater, you shall not get any food. You still need to pay though * My inspectors concluded that there is no evidence of conflict of interest * I shall determine where you are allowed to eat * Coincidentally, this would be my nearest restaurant to you * You are not allowed to eat anywhere else * Even if you choose not to eat, or eat somewhere else, you must still pay me * Food eaten at other restaurants are not covered by my scheme * My inspectors concluded that there is nothing wrong with the quality of food in my restaurants * Beware of queues though, make sure you know a member of the staff otherwise you could go hungry * If you are over 60 or not working, no food for you, you're way too expensive * I am permitted to provide free food for any non-paying people I like * I am permitted to provide free food for a random third world country * Caviar for me and people I like and people who like me * Human meat shall be provided free of charge Free food for all! Coppers! Promise! Are you interested?
No deal. I already got an agreement with the garbage bin behind my building. Sure it causes the occasional nausea and vomitting, but it's free.
