Best. Mousepad. Ever.

Hmm, do you mean like there should be people in 17th century clothes and they're listening to Bach and like..."do it"?

 

I try to watch as much as possible, I mean I don't sit on some weird torrent-site downloading everything that is uploaded. But I usually find something interesting, and then download way too much of it, but if I didn't I would feel sad because I didn't have the right stuff the next time I needed it.

For example, yesterday I figured midget porn was interesting, so I downloaded everything I could find, which is about 5 GB more.

And the day before that, I got myself a working password to the bangbros network, which meant another 5 GB

But then I go for long whiles without downloading anything at all.

I think my downloading activity has increased now because I started lifting weights and that means my body produces more testosterone, or something like that, which means I have to watch, and download more.

 

Midget Porn?? Kinda creeped out don't you think?

 

"My Little Porny"?

 

Yes, that's exactly what's happening. If you weren't watchin porn and therefore beating it like it owes you money, you'd become violent and confrontational*. If you had a steady (and horny) girlfriend, you wouldn't need to worry about that so much...though you'd become very protective of her.

*Though, you could just go out an kill something in the wilderness every few days.

 

The only midget porn scene I had the fortune to look at (accidentally), had a similar effect like when I first saw tubgirl.

 

Tubgirl...that's just fucking outrageous!

 

I would post some nice pictures I downloaded for all of you here who aren't heightist like Van and Frigo, but I'm afraid the image-hosting services wouldn't like it and remove the pictures pretty soon.

Gross, it's nice to hear that it's normal and that I figured out what was happening, but I feel kind of bad thinking I'd get lots of more muscles and girlfriends if I didn't waste my hormones on my computer.

 

I'm not high and mighty. Midget porn is simply freaky.

 

Yes, it's just...creeped out.

 

Heightists!

 

Freak!

 

Says the guy posting pictures of his hairy ass on the internet in

 

Been done - "Autobiography of a Flea" 1976 - just not quite like Bree thinks.

It's worth a watch.

 

Nah, sounds quite lame.

 

Midgets and dwarves don't turn me on that much. They remind me too much of children.
I wasn't saying you couldn't get a girlfriend if you spent so much time using porn, I was just saying that if you had a girlfriend you wouldn't need porn as much. I guess I had a really odd way of saying it.

 

Here's what you do:

Take the difference between her hips and her ass, the -24-36 on an hourglass woman. Then you add 1 for every cup size, A, B, C, D, DD, or over DD, since that's just gratuitous and exactly how big they are doesn't matter. Other things can add or subtract from this score, be flexible, but fair. As a matter of pun, for example, if SHE'S flexible to an uncanny degree, add another. No sense stroking your ego, though, we're trying to be accurate.

I can't use myself as an example, because I don't follow the scale, since I kind of break it. It assumes you have sex with her at maximum of 7 times a week, I'm not sure if it holds for more than that. Take a fraction of times per week and reduce it to times per day.

Assume you have like, a 16 let's say, a 36-24-36 with a D rack, and no extraordinary skills/defects. You're going 5/week, you stallion you, that's .71. Now, this correlation is for the reduction of porn use, so take you're average porn use in times per day at T=0, where the effects of your girlfriend are factored in at the limit as T approaches 0 from the right, meaning right after 0. Let's be generous to you perverts and say 1/day. (It really doesn't matter what you use as critereon for porn 'use', this can be measured in times spanking the monkey, which is my assumption for simplicities sake, images loaded, whatever)

Now, what's the average time between sessions. For simplicities sake, which may affect accuracy, but I don't want to go into third and fourth degree polynomial stamina functions, let's say you two copulate instantaneously. (Sorry to hear about that problem btw, I think there are exercises to help you 'hold on' longer)

Take average time between copulations, 168 hours in a week, that's 33.6 hours between sex. 1 - X/16(her score above calculated), where X is a coefficient of mood that is in general hard to pin down to laymen. It involves how focused you are on extrasexual activities, i.e. if you have work, you might not be thinking about it. It's on a 1-5 scale, we'll make you a 3. So 1 - 3/16 = 13/16 or .8125.

Multiply 33.6 by .8125 and you get 27.3, that's your base time frame. Now, at any given time, you're a certain time T' from your last roll in the hay, express that as a ratio to your time frame. Let's say it's 15 hours, you haven't gotten any in awhile, that's .55. Ok, now, you divide that ratio by the times per week ratio, .55 over .71 is .775. Multiply that by your standard masturbation/day rate, 1 in this case, and you should whack off .775 times per day. Now, statistically it would appear that means you give yourself blue balls, but what it actually means is that someone who spanked it once per day would reduce to 3 every 4 days given these circumstances. That said, if anyone has a girl with a 36-24-36 and a D rack, I suggest they maintain a far higher ratio of boinks/day.

Actually, I think it would work in my case, math seems fine.

 

Blinky...do you realize what you've done? You've created the basis for a masturbation/sex average calculator!!

 

Might need some tweaking, but then again, so do most things related to masturbation calculation.

 

It's incredible...it's one of those things you tell to friends while in a bar or just hanging out that makes them think you have too much time on your hands.