Back in the States!

Isn't it, like, giant sea turtles that lives for a hundred years or so?

 

All turtles have pretty good life-spans.
Technically, they're immortal (i.e. negligible senescence). It's been found that, once turtles of some species reach maturity, they stop aging*. Now, whether or not there is any one turtle who's been around for...well, forever, is highly doubtful. Diseases, injuries, and predation all account for an animal's life expectancy. Common box turtles have been found as old as 120 (in captivity), with the oldest turtle so far being the giant Galapagos tortoise, going a little over 170 (I think that one belonged to Darwin).
Also, a turtle of any species retains its ability to reproduce throughout its entire life, so from the day of sexual maturity on to when it gets bored of life, it can still make more young turtles.
*Or it slows down a LOT, and most likely only pertains to a few turtle species. Sure, turtles die IN old age, but do they die OF old age? I mean, like hardening of arteries and all that fun stuff, like what happens to pretty much every other animal.
The least you can expect your turtle to be alive for (if' you take great care of it), DE, is about 30 years, because it might get sick.

 

Unless you kill it.

 

I think that counts as "predation".

 

Just like my mom's parrot. I figured that, since I'm going to inherit her, I might as well get on her good side.
As for sociability, you could always give it a stuffed turtle to hang with. If it's male, they normally try to mate with it every once in a while. Sure, you might not not play with it, but he'll be content.

 

Turtles live so long because they have orgasms that last for an hour. That would make me want to live for a couple hundred years.

That's probably why he keeps poking the aquarium pump.

 

Pigs were designed to be turned into tasty bacon. Turtles were not.

 

That is a good question. And why don't I live longer from eating bacon?

 

Life twould be good if it took half an hour to finish your wood.

 

Well, it gives new meaning to the phrase "...and this little piggy when Weee Weee Weee! all the way home!"

 

No mom jokes are overdone. Find some new material as the upcoming generation's idea of insults are extremely underwelming.

 

That would explain the noises they make...

 

Does your aquarium pump look like this?